Is it OK to be an only child?

Question

I have a beautiful 3 year old son and have been trying to get pregnant for about 6 months with another baby. In that time I have had a miscarriage. I am 36 years old and concerned that I am getting too old. Will my son always be sad that he doesn't have a sibling? If you grew up an only child what was it like?? If you only have one child what helped you make that decision?

Answer 1

First, I want to say that I am sorry both for your loss and for the difficulties you have been having conceiving.

Now, I want to assure you that being an only child is perfectly ok and acceptable. There is no evidence anywhere that only children are sad, lonely, or maladjusted. In fact, if you spend quality time with your son, he could very well grow up to be just the opposite. It's important, as with all children, that he have friends, the support of his parents, and a healthy self-esteem.

My first, and last child was born nearly 10 months ago. My husband and I decided that she would be an only child for a number of reasons. Top of the list, I turn 34 years old this month, and like you, feel that by the time I would even think I was ready to have another, I would be too old. At 35, the numbers just start working against you, and I've had some pretty bad luck with pregnancies.

Also like you, I had a miscarriage. It was right before my daughter was conceived, and I spent most of my pregnancy with her scared to death I would lose another baby. Then, when I was 35 weeks pregnant, the doctors hospitalized me for preeclampsia. It was another difficult week and a half until I was induced.

My baby was low birthweight, at less than 5-1/2 pounds. She was so tiny, even newborn size diapers seemed huge on her. While I was grateful that the doctors said she was healthy, I was very worried about her weight (she was only in the 5th percentile) until she was about 2 months old, and really started growing.

In the end, it's your decision and no one can make it for you. Please, though, don't feel like your son will suffer because he's an only child. He will be just fine.

Answer 2

I am 27 years old with only one child so far (he is 5) and i am not sure if i will have anymore or not. I am not really trying but not using birth control so if it happens it does but my son is always asking me when he is going to get a little brother or sister.
I grew up with 6 siblings and out of those i was only close to the one that was 17 months younger than me. But now i am only close to my sister that is 3 years older than me.
It is like things change when people gets married they start coming around less. I would love to give my son a sibling, i did however come close to it in 2005 but miscarried.
If you asked my son what he wanted he would say a little brother or sister to play with.

My mom had my brother at age 38 and done fine. I hope you luck.

Answer 3

I am 29 going on 30 in march and I am an only child. I have a 6 yr old and have been trying to have another and have had 2 miscarriages in 1 yr. Its lonely being an only child, but he/she will find that one friend thats practically a brother or sister to them so they can confide in them. Thats what I did.

Answer 4

I would say it depends on if you really want another child. I grew up with 3 brothers and I loved it. My personal opinion is, that it would be lonely to be an only child, but if you can't conceive another one, or you feel that your family is complete and is working for you, then i would say it is fine for your child to be an only child. I can tell you are a great parent by your concern, he will be happy either way. Good Luck! and Stay positive! (easier said than done)

Answer 5

My mom had me at 48.

I was an only child and I had a very happy life. You tend to be more independent because you've learned to entertain yourself and are better at being alone then people from big families.

Your son may always be sad, I was. But just make sure you let him have play dates and friends so that he is not alone ALL the time. Playing with other kids was the best for me.. even if it was just at the park.

Answer 6

Only child here! I think the grass is always greener where ever you are. One thing about being an only child which is great is the material factor: gifts are in abundance and/or more valuable. My parents were able to pay for my college and made sure I had no college loan to worry about once I was done. I got married in Nov. and was able to have a pretty nice wedding, which neither my Husband our I had to pay for...we pushed to pay for extra things like flowers etc. All which could be done because I am the only child....now, I know I am very lucky and may be consider spoiled...spoiled to me is some one who expects things to happen. I NEVER expected my parent to pay for all of college, nor our wedding....and ofcourse the bond between my parents and I is so tight! Here is the down side of being an only child...when your parents die...that is it for your immediate family. But I can't imagine going through the pain of losing a sibling either.
If you really feel like having a second child..adopt...I was.

Answer 7

I am not the only child, but we have been trying to have just one. You should be happy that you were able to have one, love it and don't worry that they will feel lonely or singled out because they are the only child. They will never know the difference. I don't have sister's, all brothers, and I have no regrets that I would have hoped for a sister, because I don't know what it would be like. Enjoy what you have.

Answer 8

You should consider adoption.There are a lot of great kids out there that need loving homes.I was an only child and I always wanted a sibling.However,I know other only children that are fine with it.As long as you are a loving family your son should be fine either way.

Answer 9

my daughter has been an only chid for 7 years and we are very close. She has gotten alot of one on one time and has alot of friends over.. we are now having another.. but she was just fine. Alot of only kids get more attention and are very well rounded. However, don't give up.. My autnie married and started her family at 39! She stopped having kids at 45! She had one misscarriage and 3 kids

Answer 10

i'm an only child. i like being by myself sometimes but i am often loney. i say keep trying to get pregnant if you and your husband decide to stop trying look into adoption. i was adopted at 1 month of age my adopted mother could not get pregnant and so her and my father looked into it. they say all the time that it was they ever did. there are a lot of kids in the world looking for homes