Single mom, wondering what would happen to my child..?

Question

I live in NY. I am a single mom to a 6-year old. Dad is not involved, never sees her, though he does pay child support. I was wondering if anyone knew what would happen if, God forbid, I died while she was still growing up. I have a life insurance policy for 500K that she would get (my mom's name is in place too, to take care of that money for her). I am concerned that he could take her, and he would only do it for the money. He lives 4 blocks from us, never visits, still waiting for the X-mas presents he promised to drop by.... I am seeing a lawyer shortly to draw up a will. Any advice on what to do here? She would be in dire straits if she had to live with him. He is also gay, which I dont know would be an issue, either. She would definitely NOT want to live with him. I am stressing over this issue. Thanks for your help!

I have had sole physical and legal custody since birth. He is the dad, and I have DNA tests to prove it, though he isn't on the birth certificate.

Is never seeing her considered unfit? Anyone know what is considered unfit?

Answer 1

you are taking the right steps but you need to do it quickly. be specific about your wishes and make sure you name an alternate guardian also. whoever is named must be ready and willing to do whatever it takes to look out for your childs best interests. whoever is contacted about your death must know how to contact your lawyer immediately. they will need help to handle everything properly and protect your child...just in case her father does try to do anything. A friend of mine was killed in an auto accident before her will was completed and signed in ink. Her ex came in and took everything she had including her children who did not want any part of him. As long as you have sole custody and your lawyer has your will your ex cant just take your child.

Answer 2

Unless he has signed over his parental rights, if you die, most likely the state will award him custody. I don't think even your will would change that, except in cases where he has been proven unfit.

As for the insurance policy, you said it was set up so your mom takes care of that so he probably wouldn't be able to touch most of it. You could set it up to go into a trust fund if you die, so only a little comes out each month or year, until she got to a certain age. You should speak to the lawyer about that when you set up the will. And also speak to him about the custody as well...those laws vary from state to state so I may not be exact on them. My information is from what my girlfriend is going through with her ex-husband. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I know by Oklahoma state law: Even if the non-custodial parent isn't involved the the raising of the child but still pays child support they still have rights. If you die the right thing that they will do is ask the other parent. If you could get him to sign over his rights then that would be a different thing. I don't know how the law works in New York.

Answer 4

Relax first of all. Also, make sure you put in the will EXACTLY what you want to have happen with the money and custody. After that, you need not worry. Put the money in a trust fund that she cannot touch until at least 18 or after college grad. You can say that a trusted friend or your mom get custody of her until she's 18. That should resolve any issues that may come up. Good Luck.

Answer 5

For sure see an attorney, and good for you to have a will (been thru two messes with relatives with no wills that were outdated --- one 10 years old, the other 20)

Whoever is named as beneficiary on your insurance policy gets the money. The company usually write that beneficiary a check. Unless you have designated who is to rear your child in case of your death, it becomes a mess beyond your wildest dreams.... With regard to possession of your daughter, you need to assign that to either your mom, or some godparents in a religious ceremony, and make that part of the will. (Actually in most states a will will take forever to be decided --- set up a trust --- again, see an attorney.... You can set up a fund with that money secured for her raising, and again, an attorney will have to set this up for you...Good for you to think ahead.... none of us knows what tomorrow will bring, and courts can be bazaar.

Answer 6

I have three kids, and each one is different. We've had to bring completely different approaches with each one. So sometimes you need to listen to advise, other times you need to know that advise does not work universally. As far as cussing goes, parents with that problem are nearly always nutters with too much freedom, and don't see the obvious times to curb that. I have a 15 year old, and it turns out that our strategy with him worked out well. We've often been told that we are far too lax with him, but we let him experience a wide variety of situations, then just simply talk with him about it. I took every opportunity to point out the consequence of the actions of those around us, good and bad, and he is a great teenager with more maturity and common sense than the vast majority of teens. Don't discipline across the board, discipline specific issues as needed. Not being affectionate can be nothing more than common skin sensitivity, so it's like hugging on a sunburn. If so, cut all trans fats and wait a few months. Be sure to reward him when he is good, so he'll seek out that affection from you and be confident. As far as not loving you, Pshaw! Even abused kids love their parents, I'm one! You can still stress him out badly, but he will love you. That's my 2 cents, hope it helps!

Answer 7

As a responsible parent, you need to have a will, and a guardian appointed for your child. You should have done this since birth! We never like to think something would happen to us, but one never knows. Hopefully, the lawyer will give you all the information you need on choosing a guardian, etc.

Answer 8

If the child is baptized then perhaps her godparents would take her, as is their obligation after losing both parents. If not when drawing up your will have your mom, sister or a close friend who agrees beforehand included to raise your little girl.

Answer 9

This is a good question; I don't know the answer, it might be something you could ask a lawyer (not necessarily the one who's doing your will, but some sort of a family law/divorce attorney).

Answer 10

Since u obvioulsy had dna testing done to make him financially responsible..if u died yes he would get her...however, u may wish to get him to sign off on her meaning to relenquish all rights...this also means u would loose child support but would solve the delima of what if something happened to you...your choice