Even though I know I love her, I still feel the need to keep my secrets, I have been throuh 2 divorces and from both of these have been burned badly. I admit I don't tell her everything, and I have not tld her where I live. Is this wrong. I spend as much time as I can with her, but I know I should spend more. I don't want to lose her, but sometimes I feel my fear is causing her to draw away from me.
2007-01-18 08:13:42 · 29 answers · asked by clwilliamsatty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In any relationship there must be trust, yes, I understand that you find yourself trying not to bring your past relationships into this new relationship, but I also feel that try as you might, you can't avoid it. If she is as special as you say she is I feel she will be understanding. When you feel that you are ready to share all and bare all you will know it. Alot of women when they know they have a good man, will be patient with him. Give her the benefit of the doubt. And if you can, bring her some flowers or take her out to dinner when you have free time, or just pamper her with your company at a movie. Like you said, she just wants to know you love her so show her.
2007-01-18 08:20:28 · answer #1 · answered by angel_fire_21499 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is reading your not telling her where you live as a tacit confession that you have a wife and she is the "on the side". No woman wants to feel like anything less than the most special lady on the planet in her mans heart.
Nonverbal communication is very highly believable. Your distrust telegraphs not only that you arent trusting, but that you might not be trustworthy. The fear and expectation of betrayal is written in you, and it leaks out all your words and actions.
You are telling her she is second, not special, and that you are a liar. You can understand why she would not be happy with that.
The solution: die. Silly I know, but it takes an immense ammount of courage to walk open-hearted into a situation where you know you will be crucified. You have to do it, because thats the only way for you to learn that you arent always crucified, and that the ideas in your head (fear) arent always consistent with reality. Good luck. Fully healed sometimes means that you are in a place inside yourself where you can act with that kind of courage.
2007-01-18 16:30:48 · answer #2 · answered by Curly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I agree that your fear is getting the better of you----although this is understandable youre still going to have to get past this if you ever want to have a fulfilling relationship--how do you think it makes her feel when u wont even tell her where you live? talk with her about your concerns/fears--let her know that you want to trust her more and be more vulnerable with her but that it will take some time-----good luck and also u may want to consider counseling if you find urself stuck in this too long.
2007-01-18 16:22:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i think u may have gotton into the relation to soon after the other 2 another thing is that if u love someone u should be able to comunicate every thing to them and to be able to trust them , if u dont have this theres no love , u may need to get counsling , ask your self a few questions how would u feel if she was doing this to u ? , would u move on? would u think there was someone else in her life ? ask yourself those questions and if u anser yes u need to open up to her or let her go , is it worth her putting her life on hold for u to decide that u can now move foward in the relation ship no its not , after all your not getting married your just dating , so u cant let the fear get in the way of your happiness and untill u deal with your fear there will be no happines and maybe not the girl u want to be with now
2007-01-18 16:23:18 · answer #4 · answered by dale621 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to be fair to her you are gonna have to put the past in the past, give her the benefit of the doubt and open up to her. It is about trust and understanding. You should trust her and understand that she is not the one that burned you in the past. She on the other hand will have to trust you and understand that since you have been burned badly that it may take you a little more time then most to open up. You will push her away if you keep dragging your past relationships into the new one. Good luck and don't be afraid to trust.
2007-01-18 16:18:44 · answer #5 · answered by heaven o 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You still have a lot of unresolved issues you need to deal with. You really can't have a good relationship unless you can be open and honest with that person. I do know what it is like to be burned, but you can't make her pay for your past. I feel for her, I was in the same scenerio years ago and it sucks, and I ended leaving him. If you really love her take baby steps to open up. Maybe think about some counseling. Do you want to stay alone forever?
2007-01-18 16:18:40 · answer #6 · answered by jaws1013 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, I have been in your shoes. Luckily this time around I found a good woman that loves me whole heartily. Basically you have to start off slow and let her know what's been bothering you in regards to opening up to her. Meaning...flat out let her know that you've been burned a couple of times and right now your having a hard time trusting and expressing your true feelings to another woman. If she loves you...she will understand. Believe me..there are good women out there. You can't base one, two or more bad relationship on this one. If you do...you'll lose her. Best of luck to you!
2007-01-18 16:58:25 · answer #7 · answered by hys7768 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should just relax. Sometimes you need to put past away. Please do us all a huge favor and put a past away and give this girl a chance. If you dont want to lose her stop being so distant from her. DO NOT discuss your previous marriages but just go on dates, talk about life and feelings, birds in the air and stars wateva, just dont mention why you got dumped or any of that kind, because it tend to give them too much to think and analyze by oushing them away from you for a same reasons others were pushed away. Good luck and please enjoy your dates.....life is too short to fear. Be creative and just be yourself.
2007-01-18 16:20:21 · answer #8 · answered by BK thang 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You haven't even told her where you live? Hmm....a relationship in my opinion is based on trust and respect. Without those two things, it's not much of a relationship. You have to question whether or not you are ready to be in a relationship yet or if you need more time alone, until you're ready to open yourself up again.
2007-01-18 16:22:43 · answer #9 · answered by ForeverAnAngel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you keep ur divorces etc a secret u have no chance of a relationship. you are NEVER gonna tell her? thats impossible, she will find out somwhow, its a small world we live in people talk. you would be surprised! bring it up cautiously, tell her you want to be open and honest and dont keep secrets THEY will burn you. are you afraid it will put her off? if she loves you she wont let it get in the way of your relationship but if you continue to lye, and thats what youre doing by with holding this info, she will crack and you will risk losing her. tell her today, get it over with
2007-01-18 17:03:48 · answer #10 · answered by alroka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋