I'm 28 and he's 43... will our marriage work?

Question

We've been friends for a year and a half and dating for about 8 months. We both have kids and are at similar places in our lives. What I'm wondering is, because we are 15 years apart, is there any reason why our marriage would or wouldn't work? What are some of the difficulties we might face as we both get older?

Ok, more info. He has 6 kids, one who is 18. He's a very good dad, but I would have to deal with 4 other baby mama's. And I have 3 kids with 2 different dads. People keep telling me he has too much baggage, but I feel like so do I so if he can deal with mine I can deal with his.

Also he doesn't look 43 at all, more like 32-33. He takes very good care of himself and has lots of energy.

Answer 1

Many factors to think about here as the age difference
is a small part. Many children are involved and not only
do you and him have to get along , the children also in
order for the marriage to work. You have been dating for
8 months and how much have the children been involved
togeather in these 8 months? In my opinion marriage can
work even though there is an age difference and other
children are involved, but it takes dedication and total
acceptance on both parties for the marriage to work.
Each of you need to think everything over to include
what is best for your children before you get married.
You have to go for more than a hunch on this one as
your're at a disadvantage of the marriage working out
because of several kids involved, but again the marriage
can work but only if you both truly understand each other
and the needs and wants of your children. Once you
both are SURE, then most definately the marriage will
work: Remember TOTAL COMMITTMENT, from both
parties and you could have the world in your hands.
Good luck.

Answer 2

My best friend married a 41 year old when she was 25. She had 2 kids(1 to him) and a similiar situation. The marriage lasted two years and they've now been seperated for 1 year. I don't really think it was the age thing that got to them though, I honestly think they weren't as in love with each other as they thought. I think they did it more for the kids and the 'stable family life'... but in the end, it didn't work out because they were miserable with each other. She use to tell me he was always tired, and never wanted to do anything and would never be sponetaneous. He also stopped having sex with her almost immediately after the wedding... I'm surprise it lasted 2 years really!

I'm not saying this will happen to you though! If you know your relationship is strong, then you have nothing to worry about. Good luck!

Answer 3

I'm 26 and my husband is 44. Our marriage works, but it's not without difficulty. We dated almost 3 years before we got married - I think when you're young you need to take some time to be sure. Also, because he's already middle aged he's pretty set in his ways, so learn to accept that there's only so much you can change about him. Due to the age difference, etc. we have decided not to have children - it was an extremely difficult choice because I am still so young, but we decided that our marriage would not work with children in it. There's also the problem of finances. I'm 26, just starting out with lots of student loans to repay and my husband of course is much more established. Luckily, he's the old fashioned type and so he takes care of most of the bills - but he'll be retiring much sooner than I will so in about 20 years, I'll be the breadwinner of the family which I'm happy to do. Occasionally I'll get the stares from strangers - it can be really hurtful and it took some time for my family to accept him.

Answer 4

I am 29. My husband is 51. He still looks and acts like he's 35, but there are some drawbacks. For instance, we know we probably won't get to celebrate 50 years of marriage. The good points out weigh the bad though. He's mature (for a guy) he's stable, and he was honestly ready to settle down. We just had a son together, and he's a great dad! There's no reason a May/December romance can't work. It takes work like any relationship. Good luck!

Answer 5

My wife and I are 13 years apart in our ages and have four children from other marriages. As long as age is not an issue for the two of you, it should not be a problem. You just need to be sure that you will not see him as old in 5 years or 10 years when you are still in your prime and he is slowing down. My wife was certain that I would think of her as an old woman and would go looking for something younger. Not a chance, she is the most beautiful woman in the world and I think she gets better every day. She believes it now and no longer fears that, but it took us a while to ge to that place where she would believe that. He may have the same fears and you need to be aware of that.

Answer 6

You will certainly have to deal with being a young widow, younger than your friends anyway. As well your children may be teased a bit by the difference in age and asked if that is their granddad. There will be many differences up to and including comfort level of friends around each of you. His friends may look at you as a trophy wife and your's may be uncomfortable around him because of age difference. But these relationships worked in the old days so there is no reason why they cannot today, but it is important for you both to go in knowing of the challenges you'll face.

Answer 7

You'll need to work on this marriage an awful lot. You both have kids, there is an age difference. You're bound to hit bumps in the road.

Love him a lot, be fair with the differences between your kids and his. The two of you will need to show a united front to all of the kids.

Answer 8

Don't know the answer to your situation. Mine was a 14 yr. difference. I loved him very much & he loved me. His children were grown & mine are still small. He accepted & loved them too. But, things didn't work out for us because he was basing our relationship on his past with other women who were bad to him & I just couldn't deal with that. I still love him with all of my heart. If you do get married put 100 % into it & it will work no matter what the age difference....it is only a number. Good luck

Answer 9

First of all, there is no possible way you can be "at similar places" in your lives. There is something wrong with him, if he is unable to relate to mature women nearer his age. There may not be anything up with you, I don't mean it that way, but he could be your dad.
When you are 45 and still very vibrant, he will be getting quite old at 60. I think you need to talk to your dad.

Answer 10

Age has nothing to do with loving someone. It really doesn't. The key though to success or failure is in communication. If we all had the balls to just say what was on our minds and sat there until it was resolved, than perhaps we would live a longer happier love life. It's work, like our jobs, it requires change, talking, meetings and a willing to sacrifice now and then.

K, thanks