I'm a father of a 9 month old girl..what do I do?

Question

I'm Keith. I'm a 27 year old from Santa Clara, California. I'm scared as ****! I'm a father of a 9 month old girl I've never seen. I don't know what to do. I want to make things right with her mother, (my ex) but I'm afraid it's too late. We've gone to court and the judge granted her full physical and legal custody and I have to pay child support. If I'm not going to be involved in the child's life I feel I shouldn't be financially obligated to pay. Can I go back to court and get custody, even if I requested to give up my rights? Can I change my mind? My mom and sister are involved in the child's life and say I'm being immature and irresponsible by not stepping up to this. They say it doesn't matter how she was concieved...but I am not ready to be a father and it's gonna suck for the child and the mother. I didn't want to have a child unless I was married and ready to settle down..not like this. What do I do to try and make things right when there has been much drama going on?

Answer 1

Hold your nine month old daughter close in your arms if you ever want to discover a magical solution to your situation.

You really should try to believe it.

Answer 2

First of all, understand that life is full of surprises not plans. It is now too late to dwell on how you wanted it to be. Now it is time to step up to the plate as your mom and sister said. I understand that there is drama. However that drama had to have existed before conception in some form. So this little girl needs you more than you will ever understand. I know because I am "daddy's little girl". I agree that her making it hard for you to spend time with the little girl is very immature and selfish. Obviously her needs matter more that her own daughter. BUT, you need to go ahead back to court and aske for your rights and visitation back. Continue to love your daughter from afar and support her financially. For this you will be blessed. Besides you do not want her to be able to tell your daughter when she gets older that you did not love her. She will see that in the long run. Just play it cool. Right now ya baby momma just tryin to get to ya. Dont give her the satisfaction. Now if the situation is your fault and the mother of your daughter is acting out of hurt; then, you are going to have to give her time. That much you do owe if that is the case. If you sincerly want to make things right b/c it was your fault then you are going to have to be extra understanding. Most important see your daughter!! Dont let your daughter suffer for your immaturity especially since she did not ask to be her. I do not understand why men act as if it is the child's fault. It is you and the mother of your child fault that you made a child in such an uncompromising situation. BOTH OF YOU NEED TO SET YOUR FEELINGS ASIDE AND STEP UP!

Answer 3

Didn't you think about birth control before you slept with your ex-girlfriend?? Now that there is a child, you need to step up to the plate and be a Good father. This baby deserves better then what she is getting right now. You don't want to pay child support and you aren't ready to be a father, well, it's to late!! This little girl needs a mother and a father even if you two aren't together. Do the right thing, pay the support without complaining and see this baby whenever you get visitation. Make things right by doing the right thing!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

You can be in the child's life. You can get her every other weekend. Just because the mother has custody doesn't mean you do not get visitation rights. Call the mother up and tell her you want to start arranging visitation times. If she refuses tell her your going back to court and she will be in contempt. read your papers you should have visitation rights. By the way if you didn't want to be a father like this they invented these things called condoms but good excuse now you need to live up to your responsibilities. It would not be good for your daughter for you not to be a part of her life. How would you have felt if your mother or father left you when you were a child because they didn't want you? You made a mistake now own up to it and don't punish the child.

Answer 5

Whether this is the way you wanted to have a baby or not, you have one. You need to step up to the plate and take responsibility in this child's life. You have to pay support for the baby whether you see her or not, but you should be able to see her. Did they terminate your parental rights? I doubt by your statements that you really want full custody of this child, that you want to share custody. Talk to someone at the court and see what you can do. Good Luck

Oh, and by the way, do pay the support because they can come back to you years later and make you pay, with interest, and it will be a lot more then, than it is now. This happened to my now ex with a previous wife and their son.

Answer 6

1) Access rights and Child Support are two completely unrelated issues.
2) YOU fathered this child and it is right to be financially responsible, your ex has all the other responsibilities.
3) If you weren't ready to be a Father you should've used rubbers.
4) Don't think about access unless you're prepared to be reliable and consistent, your daughter doesn't need any more reasons to be disappointed in you as a Father.
5) Maybe write to your ex and take responsibility, explain how you feel and ask if you can have the PRIVILEGE of getting to know your daughter in the future when you've done some growing up.

Answer 7

First off you need to remain finanically obligated, she is your daughter. If you were not wise enough to cover it than you better be wise enough to take care of it. And why would you want full custody of her if you don't want her? If you give up your rights then you cannot tell her mother what to do, but you can ask for visitations and down the road joint custody. I hate to ask how old you are, but no matter the age you need to step up and be a father or at least someone who ensures his child is taken care of.

Answer 8

for sure you're right. If he receives to make certain her by ability of the day or on weekends, he's having visitation jointly with her. you've finished custody, and which ability you get to make the options. in a lot of courts interior the U. S., a touch one would not be spending nights or the different major time faraway from the traditional care giver till a minimum of a three hundred and sixty 5 days previous-plausible longer. enable me talk about that in case you've been operating, she may properly be on a cup besides as taking table nutrients by ability of the day, and develop her nursing at evening. by technique of 9 months of age, the bottle is moot and she or he will be in a position to in all probability by no ability take it, nor does she want to. locate problem-free approaches to believe your intestine. that is continuously right, highly in regard on your daughter.

Answer 9

First of all Honey, if you didn't want to be a Daddy you should have kept your pants zipped. That said, I think you should do what's right for your child. Don't do for the mother. Do it for your little girl. Kids need dads. Period. Maybe you can't do full custody, but an every-other-weekend arrangement might be a good start. Talk to your ex. Then get invovled. That's the manly thing to do.

Answer 10

I would try to get partial custody whether by talken to the mom (ur ex) or going to court..but sooner or later your little girl is gonna need a daddys sholder to cry on and she's gonna wanna know where her daddy is..i definitly would wanna see my child..you know what you have to do so go do it and be grown up and live with the mistakes that you've made because that mistake is now a life you helped create...be a man and GOD BLESS.

Answer 11

i think you should give a shot at trying to make things right with your ex. you dont have to be in love or anything but just for your childs sake at least be friends. get involved in your daughters life... you cant run away and hide from it and you cant go back so make the best of it....oh and pay child support whether you want to or not because i have a friend whose father wouldnt pay child support and her mom was really young and she had it rough growing up. i think you should just face your fears and live up to what your daughter expects in a father...good luck!!!!!