My husband and I are seperated. He keeps our 5 children on the weekends while I work. Our 4 year old was displaying some very unmistakable sexual movements. When I asked what he was doing he replied " I want to make it big like daddy" pointing at his penis. I was shocked! He then said, "daddy does it likes this, then he pees and it puffs back down". I could see the innocence on my son's face. I questioned my 2 oldest boys and they basically stated the same thing, demonstrating masterbation hand gestures they have seen their dad do. I want to know is this a form of sexual abuse? I have never had sex in front of my kids and certainly not masterbated. I haven't talked to the father yet, but I need to know what would you do or what steps I should take. i am too upset to think clearly now. please help!!!!
2007-01-18 07:31:42 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Whoa. I would be upset too, but you can't go off and react. I definitely feel it is inappropriate at best for an adult to masturbate in front of children.
Even though kids do masturbate at early ages, their account of size and gestures would seem to indicate something inappropriate.
It is possible that the father was observed not knowing it. But for all 3 to be saying these things - wow. I would try to calm down and talk to the dad and tell him that if he does not take better measures to ensure his privacy, and the boys say anything more has happened, you are taking legal action to change the custody to supervised visits only, or none at all.
2007-01-18 07:40:41 · answer #1 · answered by justbeingher 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
One thing to keep in mind is to stay calm and try not to overreact, as there may be a good explanation for this. Perhaps your husband is trying not to have any sexual partners while you are separated, but still needs his sexual release, and is doing this through masturbation and doesn't realized he is being watched. Hopefully this is the case, and I wouldn't consider this abuse. Just poor judgement on where/when to take care of himself. Kids can be curious about this, and may be watching him out of fascination.
Have you asked whether or not their father is aware of them watching? Does he perform these acts in front of them? If so, then this is not appropriate behavior, and he would need therapy to help him with that.
If he doesn't touch them or make them touch him, I believe this might be considered lewd conduct with a minor, or something similar. Otherwise, if contact is being made it could be a range of things, which would be considered abuse. Contact your local child welfare office for more information and support.
2007-01-18 07:50:03 · answer #2 · answered by Allan H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be careful with this since they are boys they could have just seen him go to the restroom and misunderstood. Ask them when daddy does this where he is to clarify. If you want to know if something is going on ask your sons to show you something else daddy does if they demonstrate a different sexual behavior then you have some reason for concern and should get something in place to protect them from seeing him.
2007-01-18 07:38:20 · answer #3 · answered by Venus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely consider this a form of sexual abuse. Why in the world would he have masterbated in front of any of your children is beyond me. I think that you need to get the police involved and have them question your husband and children. I think it is better safe than sorry. Good Luck!
2007-01-18 07:40:35 · answer #4 · answered by Michelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES IT IS KIND OF TOO EARLY FOR A 4 YEAR OLD TO KNOW HOW TO JERK HIS STUFF....you odnt want your son in public while YOU walking with them to show something like that out in open.....thats is a no no and you bet there are going to be looks and gossips about you at that point. Seek professional help for your babydaddy. He got issues. When it comes to kids...tell them they cant talk or do stuff like that in public or until they grow up. I mean dont overdo by saying dont ever do it again and next thing you know you got insecure teenager that is having issues with females sexually when they grow up. When it comes to legal side of your story then you need to work on that daddys custody if he is not going to talk to th kids and explain it to them that they cant repeat stuff he do just yet. Good luck and dont killyourself over this.....it could of been worse...i was ready read something very very terrible....
2007-01-18 07:39:50 · answer #5 · answered by BK thang 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK here is what i would do i would not let the kids go back until after you find out what happened talk to your ex and see what he says maybe the kids walked in on him one time or something BUT i would also contact the proper authorities so they know you suspect some thing i hope that this is just a misunderstanding and that you kids were not hurt in anyway
2007-01-18 07:39:02 · answer #6 · answered by 1401 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is most definitely sexual abuse. First of all report him to the police and then find someone else to keep the children while you work. I realize you may not be able to afford to do so but you also can not afford to take any chances on this abuse going further.
2007-01-19 05:06:01 · answer #7 · answered by ctsnowmiss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to talk to the Dad first. Don't accuse him right off. Ask him if he has any idea where the boys got that idea. If he says from him. just leave it at that and then call the child abuse hotline
and they will advise.
This certainly is not normal
2007-01-18 07:53:54 · answer #8 · answered by mamayer6 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Before talking to there father see a counselor...
Donot tell there father you know.....find another babysitter until you get to the bottom of this...
get your children checked out..... if this is true you will know because your sons will start teaching other children because they do not know any better......they will start doing sexual things thats not normal for their age....
SEEK help and ask a professional
2007-01-18 07:40:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it could be sexual abuse is going on. Get all of your kids to a psychiatrist specialising in child abuse. You'll get to the truth.
2007-01-18 07:40:18 · answer #10 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋