stay with abuse or go?

Question

My mum hates me. Shes over protective yet its more controlling.My dad is a raging achohlic who beat her up for 16 years and made my life hell, but my mum was very loving. when they divorced we moved out i developed a panic disorder. My mum changed she started calling me pathetic ect. She wuldnt let me out the house unless she drove me there. Boyfriends were banned. Lately she met my new boyfriend whos overweight. She says im sick in the head for going with him. In a recent argument she lunged at me and punched me black and blue, told me to get out and live with my dad. I cant because my dad said i betrayed him by staying with her. I have no real friends to stay with and my panic disorder means i cant work now, so i cant rent a flat. The rest of my family lost touch because of my dads temper and believe i abuse my mum (as she said i bring up my dad to hurt her-untrue). Im now stuck. Even worse my boyfriend fell out with me because he doesnt like my only real friend. Im so islolated.

Answer 1

go and talk to the citizens advice tell them you need a flat and why they will hellp you hope every thing thurns out ok for you stay safe take care

Answer 2

I really feel for you, i wish there was a magic wand i could wave to help you out, but that's not the case.
But what you should do is go to social services, and the council and if necessary the police too, no one should have to take that kind of punishment.
If the social services or council don't offer the help that you need then just sit in the office and refuse to move, tell them that you got a pasting last time and that your afraid for your life and your not going anywhere until you get some help.
If your desperate then go to a Church, they wont turn you away and maybe a priest could talk to the social services and council and explain what your going through ?.
Make a move now before it gets worse.
Good Luck :-)

Answer 3

My poor love,what a horrid time you have been having.as I have had a fairl normal upbringing,its hard to know what to suggest when you hear someone elses problems,as I cant relate to them at all.you dont actually say how old you are,but Im guessing quite young.What your mother has put you through ,is not how a mother should behave.She has let you down,and knocked you and your confidence at the same time by th sound of it.Cant you try and make yuor boyfriend see what him not getting on with your friend is doing,and how it is adding to an already stressfull time you are having?He should understand,and realsie that you need all the help that you can get right now.If you want to.email me,Kb*

Answer 4

Thats terrible! You can't put up with the abuse. Try seeing a counsellor about the panic disorder and get put on the list for emergency re-housing. Have you got grandparents? I'm sure they would love it if you got back in touch with them and would happily take you in. Don't try to live with your dad either as the situation would probably be worse there.

Answer 5

Hard to say who to go to first. Bottom line you need to get out on your own, as you need to get off the merry-go-round, first and foremost. I think you need your Doctor first, as you will need some help over time. None of this is your fault, but you are going to have to work it out all on your own, without help from family, and I'm sorry for that.

While you could do with some now, friends will come later, when you can stand on your own, get over your panic and start to live a fuller life. It will come and you will have earned it. But now you need to make those first painful steps of packing a bag and going to your doctor and maybe the council.

You are ill, and you don't need a job to get somewhere safe to stay. If someone can illegally enter this country and get all this for just having the nerve, don't you think that you deserve it more?

Answer 6

Go, but keep in touch with her. She needs time to heal from all the abuse she received from your dad. Right now she is taking out all her hurt, anger, and frustration out on you. Yes, it is wrong for her to do so but, unfortunately that is how some people do. Have you tried talking to her and asking her to get some counseling? She does need some to get her to a point where she can go on with her life and put the past behind her. I know. I have been there.

Answer 7

wow ur havin a real tuff time hun, im sorry its all so hard 4 u
i also had an abusive father (toward my mum & 1 of my brothers), but it wasnt as bad as what it sounds like u went/goin thru
u should remember that guys come & go but friends r (generally) ther 2 stay- friends over ur boyfriends..
ur in a real tuf situatuon- its really not good 4 u 2 stay with ur mum if shes now abusin u physically & mentally, ut unfortunately uv got limited options..
the best thing i can think of is going 2 ur local council & seeing if ur eligable 4 a room in a hostel, then possibly ur own council flat.If u go 2 see them & explain ur situation im sure they will let u no of ur options.

I really hope it works out 4 u sweetie, good luck
xxxx

Answer 8

Go here: http://www.therapistlocator.net/families/Consumer_Updates/Domestic_violence.asp Also do a search on domestic violence for information on groups that you can join in your area.

You and your mother need recovery time. Domestic abuse adversly affects everyone in the family. Both you and your mom need to give yourself time to cope with the tramas you have experienced.

Talk to your mom about how the abuse affected you. Tell her that it hurt you too. Tell her it was hard for you to see her hurt. If you find it impossible to verbalize this, write her a note and give it to her. It's important for your healing to tell her how it made you feel.

Get yourself in a support group. It'll help you to talk about it with people who have had similar experiences. It'll also help to make sure that you do not repeat the cycle by chosing a life partner that would hurt you.

Good luck to you.

Answer 9

I'm sorry to hear about how yor parents treat you!! I don't know how old you are, but go somewhere like Social Services or a Church to see if they can put you in a shelter for people who've been abused in some way shape or form or at least help you find one. Best of luck!!

Answer 10

YOu are obviously in a difficult situation and are feeling pretty trapped.

In order for me to make some suggestions it would be useful to know:

How old are you?
Are you being treated for you anxiety/stress? Do you have a psychiatrist/counsellor at the moment?
Are you at school/college/working?

There are options available but it helps if you can tell me the above. Could you update please?

Answer 11

Think this is an excellent trisha show....maybe she can help have heard you can get 5* hotel out of them
Or if not tell them to all f*** off. Move away get some benefits cos you cant work...and make some more friends theres a lot of amazing people out there...u just aint looking further enough to meet them