Just curious if there people out there that can overcome so much betrayel and stay in their marriage. My husband just had an affair, and we are trying to fix it. A part of me says run and run fast, but then the reason for the affair is so complicated, and we had so many problems when it was happening, and now those problems have been addressed and we are fixing them, a part of me says try to stay in the marriage. So, just curious how many of you can forgive and forget and stay in the marriage?
2007-01-18 07:05:20 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You do alot to keep a marriage together, including staying in it after an affair. We are human, and make mistakes. FOrgive and move on with your marriage. Love him for life.
2007-01-18 11:42:46 · answer #1 · answered by K.W. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too found out my husband had an affair under some crazy circumstances (you can read my questions if u like). I have decided to stay because he has shown GREAT remorse and sorrow. I hate posting ?s on here and getting the 'leave' or something like 'once a cheater always a cheater' Most of these people have not been through this. If you had asked me a year ago...I would have said if he cheated it was over. IT IS NOT THAT EASY!!!! I do believe that we mae more progres everyday. He does get frustrated at times when I have a "bad day", but not at me...he knows he is doing what he can to make things bettr and somethings I will have to deal with my own inner self. He feels helpless ad ashamed he says. I have chosen to forgive him, and I work hard everyday to accomplish that, it takes time, a work in progress. We will never forget it though. I guess in a strange sort of sadistic way it made us both realize what WE DO have in one another, and how much we do love and need one another. I will keep you in my prayers and I am proud of you for trying, even though I am sure you got the same negative crap I got from here. Dont take this site too seriously. If you feel the need to talk or just vent email me sabvirtue@yahoo.com Hold your head up...with confidence, strength, and prayer WE WILL get through this.
2007-01-18 07:45:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lots and Lots of marriages survive affairs. You don't hear about them much, because part of moving on is letting the past be in the past.
I commend you for trying to make the marriage work before throwing in the towel. It shows great character on your part. If he is truly repentant and remorseful for his betrayal then the marriage can be fixed or healed as much as it can be. Yes your marriage is scarred and will be so for the rest of time, BUT scars fade with time. They stop looking red and angry and then turn white and begin to fade a little.
I've included a link to a site which is the home page for a book I like a lot. The five love languages also the five languages of apology. Perhaps you can find some useful information in those books, to help your marriage through this difficult time.
2007-01-18 07:19:21 · answer #3 · answered by Poppet 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are addressing this very maturely, and I think that is great. Relationships are not black and white. If you can empathize with why it occurred, and it is over, I think your marriage can survive. A marriage has a lot of dynamics and therefore may very well be worth saving. We all make mistakes and have our faults. I think in your shoes, I would consider staying. If you do stay, you're gonna have to let the affair go, forgive and forget, and that is not easy to do. Good Luck.
2007-01-18 07:17:11 · answer #4 · answered by btdt65 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I've been married for over 20 yrs and we have survived. The be short and sweet. You have to first understand what the problem was in the first place. Don;t let any one advise you on what they would do. The one question you should ask yourself is do you love the person more than the problem. It can be done and it can also be difficult and take time. Trust is a process to build. Any good house or good thing takes time to build. Put in the time to build the house of trust. It is worth it in the end.
2007-01-18 07:20:57 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs.Kat 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My marriage survived. It was rough for quite a while and we really had to work hard to make it work. We had three kids and I had no real job skills and decided that I'd best stay and try to work out our problems or the kids would do with out a lot they didnt have to do without. So I guess I started out doing it for the kids but now am glad I worked so hard to get back what we had to start with. We stayed together and are still together after 37 years of marriage and we never had another problem like that.
2007-01-18 07:13:21 · answer #6 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Not many survive since it's a form of betrayal. Personally I wouldn't stay but that's just a deal breaker for me. Some people can work it out though you both should defiantly go to counseling and you would have to be able to get over it completely. The only question I would wonder is since you are his wife and he married you based on love even if you were having problems why wouldn't you try to work it out then. An affair is just an excuse for someone to have their cake and eat it too. (Sorry I know that's harsh)
2007-01-18 07:13:27 · answer #7 · answered by Venus 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
My dad was a professional cheater. He cheated on my mother forever, back in younger yrs. He is now 61. He finally stopped & started going to church & got his life on track. Their marriage survived for almost 37 yrs. She stayed with him until she passed away 3 yrs. ago. I commend her...she was a very special lady.
2007-01-18 09:37:21 · answer #8 · answered by truckers wife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
personally when my ex betrayed me, he had no want or intention of fixing it, if he had made even some effort, as i loved the man i would have taken him back. but now looking back on it, the worst fear when there has been a betrayal is if they will do it again, after we have forgiven them, and if we have just set ourselves up for yet another heartache. i could have forgiven, but never forgotten, and that in itself may have doomed it for me. as when the next disagreement comes, are we going to bring up the incident again and use it against them, or would we be able to stay on track and deal with the problem at hand.
2007-01-18 07:25:30 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't need to fix it, it isn't broken.
Just by asking the quesion it shows you want it to work....think about it once, and let it go....observe. Think about forgiveness.....not for him but for you. Forgive him so YOU feel better. And then the affair....it just "was".
I wish you luck in finding the answer....
2007-01-18 07:20:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋