Sometimes we're in the car and just ride in silence and he spends so much time in his room with playstation, music, etc that sometimes I feel like he doesn't even want to be around me. He's my only child - does anybody else have this problem?
2007-01-18 06:46:05 · 19 answers · asked by J T 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I know people who had these problems & didn't handle them. It took them down a dark road that was hard to find your way back.
You are very lucky you are seeing the signs now! If I were you...
First: I would set limits on all electronic devices...(sounds tough) Start by removing them from his room...Put them in the living room/family room...He will be unable to spend hours on them because 1.) You can monitor his time easier when it is right in front of you and 2.) Others will want to use the TV/VCR/DVD etc.
Second: I would make meal time a family effort...At least dinner, even if it is just take-out... (This might be difficult too)
But once you are all spending time together it will put you in more situations where you can really listen. That brings me to the third point.
You NEED to really listen, don't be too hasty or judgmental with your responses, and try to respond with open-ended questions, like "well how do you feel about that?" What do you think will happen?" or "Really, that surprises me! How about you?" & Then let them answer!
Set clear boundaries & limits on everything, TV, Video games, phone, music, time with friends...My younger cousin was very much like your son, by 17 he had given himself an anxiety disorder, was skipping school etc...They paid a ton of money to send him to the Montana Academy, a therapeutic boarding school, where they rehabilitated him into a functioning young person... His parents were able to admit that their lack of discipline was a huge factor in him having to be sent to that school! You don't have to be a Nazi to be a good parent but you have to teach your kids that the world has rules that in order to survive in must be followed!
2007-01-18 07:25:08 · answer #1 · answered by Boppysgirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Driving is a great time to try to get him to talk. Ask him open ended questions, not ones he can answer with a yes or no. Try to find something he's interested in, talk about that. Does he have a girlfriend and if so, what's she like; what do his friends get to do for fun? Limit his time he's allowed to play on the playstation or listen to his music. You'd be better off, however, by saying he will spend 2 hours of quality time with you. Play yahzee or rummy together, watch a movie then talk about the movie... why did he like it/dislike it. Better start soon or he'll continue to slide away from you. It only gets worse so get a hold of the situation now! Good luck.
2007-01-18 06:53:38 · answer #2 · answered by Copper Jan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds normal to me. Adolescents are defining themselves and need private space. It's part of cutting the apron strings and it's necessary to their growth.
Speaking of space, teens (and some pre-teens) also usually don't like to be touched, grabbed or hugged (violating their personal space), which is maddening when you love them so much. I read the solution in a paramedic journal once, and it's so simple and obvious: ask their permission. "May I have a hug?" The show of respect often does wonders.
Having said all this, there's is also a matter of degree. What is normal adolescence for some kids is a sign of depression in others. To be safe, I'd talk with his teachers or counselor to see how he's getting along in school, which you should do periodically anyway.
Meanwhile, we can't tell our kids we love them too often.
2007-01-18 08:49:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my goodness. Honey, EVERYONE must have that problem. I know all my friends do, and I sure became isolated from my parents at 12. You just can't give up. He WILL reject you, but he must ALWAYS know you are there, unconditionally. MAke him to spend time with the family, doing family activities. Not all the time, but once in a while, when there are family things to be done. Don't let him avoid it.
Good luck, but so far this doesn't sound abnormal.
2007-01-18 06:51:27 · answer #4 · answered by woodthi32 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not there yet but that doesn't sound unusual. Try asking him specific questions but make sure you don't sound like a cop asking him too much info.
Try asking him to play video games with you or asking him what music he would like to listen to when in the car. Unfortunately, he is getting to that age where he prob doesn't really want to be with you too much but you can change that. But he still NEEDS you. You don't need to be his friend (parents should not be friends at this age) but be interested in what he is interested in.
I can only imagine it is heart-wrenching to have your only kid do everything but ignore you (I am 4 yrs away from mine turning 12). Make sure you leave the lines open so he can talk to you and pay attention when he does.
2007-01-18 06:53:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a stage that every child goes through. I am 25 now and I remembered when I was 12, I was the same way too. It is not because I was rude. It was because I needed space to myself. It was because of my growth hormones. I would suggest for you to not interfere with that because if you do, he will resent you more. If you let him be who he is, he will miss you once in a while and go to you sometimes when he feel like it. Remember this, if you interfere with him, he will pull away from you more and more. If you don't interfere with him, he will want to get along with you more.
2007-01-19 15:05:20 · answer #6 · answered by youngwoman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are allowed to tell him no playstation, no computer. Especially at dinner time and you have the right to insist on normal conversations at the table. If you let him go to his room and never talk to you -then you lose that valuable communication. Insist he talk with you and if he wont then dont let him do other things either!!
2007-01-18 07:58:30 · answer #7 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I have a twelve year old daughter and she does not communicate with me as I would like her to. I just let her know that if she needs me I am here and that there is nothing she can not talk to me about. This is a stage that pre-teens go through and we just have to give them a little space. Good Luck
2007-01-18 06:52:09 · answer #8 · answered by victoria secret 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-25 01:43:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm only 18 and not a parent but looking back on what my mom and dad did i thought was a pretty good idea. when we were like in the car they would tell me stories about when they were my age not like anything boring just stuff that was funny or entertaining and it just made me realize they were my age once too and that i could tell them stuff. it's worth a try.
2007-01-19 15:49:03 · answer #10 · answered by Jessy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋