How do you survive going through a divorce?

Question

My husband recently told me that he still loved me, but he thought that he was falling for my best friend. She says she doesn't feel the same and I know she already has a boyfriend. My husband told me that he thought we should split up, so he can decide what he wants to do with his life because he's not sure he wants to be with me anymore. I am devestated, I never saw this coming. I have loved him for so long I don't know what I will ever do without him.

Answer 1

Honey I totally sympathize with your devistation.You don't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now but I promise you that you will in time.There are several steps that you need to take to get through this rough time but you can and will get through it.First you need to accept the fact that your husband does not love you and the reasons are self explanatory.Divorce in many way's is like dealing with a death you need to come to the realization that what you had is gone and now you need to bury it.You are a good person and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect don't allow anyone to disrespect you.You need to take some time for yourself and pick up the peices you can do it.You are not the only person in the world that this has happened to and we have all gotten through it and so will you.Feel free to e-mail or IM me anytime.Your husband won't realize what he had until your gone.But just remember you deserve better and you owe it to yourself.Good luck to you.

Answer 2

You are going to be very hurt for a long time. This man has chose someone over you. It doesn't matter if it's the best friend, it would have been someone else. There really is no easy way to handle this situation. You need to realize that this is not your fault. Your husband is just thinking with the part of the body that always gets him in trouble. You remind yourself how he deceived you and it will get easier. You need your friends right now. They will help you with the hurt part. The healing part is all on you. When the time is right, you will begin to see what it is that you really want from a man. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and wish you all the best of luck. GOD bless.

Answer 3

I went through pretty much the same thing with my ex-wife. It does hurt and will for a while. But, I figured if I am not making her happy, then why prolong her unhappiness. I have always wanted her to be happy. We are friends still, and stay in contact as we have 4 children between us.

I didn't see it coming either, and yes I was devestated, but I slowly got over it. It takes time, and a lot of support from family and friends.

Good Luck!!

Answer 4

I feel for you. How horrible. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. He is sure what he wants to do. He wants to split up. He fell for someone else. This can happen especially when there is something lacking in your relationship that you didn't fulfill. It happens .

For example, if I as a married man don't receive strokes or admiration from my wife. She doesn't encourage me or compliment me. Then I go to work and there is a lady who says wonderful things to me. How well I dress, or how smart I am etc. What happens is that I eat it all up and that opens it up for an affair. It is delusion though. I am not falling for her but I am falling for what she represents. I being starved for what I don't have in my marriage leaves me open to fall for the one who can fulfill that part that is lacking. Understand? Than I leave my wife and then end up with this person. But what happens is down the line it doesn't work.
Why ? Because what makes her think that I wouldn't do it again ? Or what makes me think that she would leave me and cheat on me with someone else. So both of us never feels secure and it eventually catches up.

I could have prevented all this by going to my wife in the beginning
and telling her what I feel and what I am lacking. It is called communication.

So with your relationship -the problem is that you assumed everything was okay. To save this relationship you both need to have some heart to heart talks. And rebuild what you have. You need to talk. He is confused. If you love him - tell him. If you aren't meeting his needs tell him. You both need to make changes. This is good. So even though you feel hurt , sometimes it is the only way we learn. There is always hope. Let me know what happens or if I can be of help.

Answer 5

OK sweet heart, ask your best friend if she gives him any reasons 2 fall 4 her, then ask yourself if he does decides to get back with you what would you do if he says it again. Personally I would let him do what he has to do, and while you heal don't put it in your head that your husband is going to get back with you. Because if he doesn't he could hurt you more. He might want to lay with someone esle and when he's done go back to you, God forbid if he brings something to your home that you don't want. Just remember that God is with you and you have the love of your family. Take care of yourself, and remember that it's not the end of the world. Their are plenty of men out there and I'm pretty sure that you can find one that loves you. Life is full of tests

Answer 6

stay in school - so he can do better then the rest of the family-=or..the cycle continues..he needs to break it . now. the mother can get heating assistance which will help with heating the household - a family of 4 - with that income, will get about $4000 back in taxes - because she will quality for earned income credit - if the children are under 18. they won't have as many bills- her electricity will go down with one less person in the house, and if the son moves down, that shoots it down more. She will not have the husbands other expenses, so, I think she can do it. And, if the children are under 18, she needs to go apply for child support right away!! Also, maybe she can find an attorney in the area that does it for free-- free aid or something like that, or maybe find one that takes payments - if she is paying for school lunches - she can get free or reduced lunches on that amount of money she is making.

Answer 7

I don't know what to tell you except that you will survive this.
The best advice I have is to keep the lines of communication open and honest. It sounds like you both are...at the very least, he told you honestly what he is feeling and did not have an affair behind your back.
If he wants to leave, you can't really do anything to stop him. It could be an opportunity for you to gain a little perspective and get back in touch with yourself again. It sounds like you are very devoted to him and have lost a little of yourself along the way. Take this time to reconnect with who YOU are.
Maybe you'll see a little more clearly and not take him back if he comes crawling back (in the event that he leaves).
I wish you all the best!

Answer 8

It is hard. Esp. when you think it is going well. First don't jump to conclusions. There can be a lot of reasons for this and most have to do with his need to feel attractive. He knows you love and want him, but he may feel that he is getting old and not attractive to others. Does your friend come over alot to get you or hang out. This maybe an easy avenue for him to seek flirting (which would support his confidence). His need for space might be just confusion while he hammers this out. Try talking with him and telling him how you feel, not only about him wanting to leave but how you feel about him.

If he does leave, then it is not your fault and try to surround yourself with a good support group that will help keep you occupied. Boredom is the worst thing for a broken heart.

Answer 9

Some churches out there have divorce care groups. The church I attend has a divorce care group that meets I think like once a week or at a min. once a month. But maybe try that. I know the divorce care group from my church is not just for women it's also for men who have been through a divorce as well.

Answer 10

You'll get through it. You'll probably do a lot of crying since this has been a "sudden" thing. But eventually the tears will subside. The best thing to do is to get out and start living your own life, focus on a career (if you have one), take classes, learn a new hobby or sport, volunteer, get a pet and train it. In short start cultivating your own social life.