(women please) I just found out my wife has been ...?

Question

talking to some guy from work behind my back for about a month. I was paying the cell phone bill and noticed the same unfamiliar number was popping up almost everyday on her cell phone (incoming & outgoing). To make a long story short, I confronted her and she admitted to hiding this "friendship" from me. She said she didn't think I would approve and it was just someone she could talk to. I have never given her reason in the past to make her feel like I would get angry or jealous. She said she was wrong and that I had nothing to worry about. She also agreed to not call him anymore outside of business purposes. Ladies, what is your take on this?

She also stated she has never spent time with him outside of work.

Answer 1

I can't understand if there was nothing to it why she felt she had to hide it from you. As for it being over the if I were you I would just sit back and watch. Check her cellphone while she is in the shower or something to see if she is still calling him. If she isn't then I would let it go but if she is confront her again and don't let her do you that way.

Answer 2

There was an answer in here that said check her cell phone while she is in the shower. I couldn't agree more this way you can tell if that number is still popping up. BUT then again she could be calling him from work. She obviously hid it for a reason as to what that reason is. I can't say but lie someone else said. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck, it aint an elephant. Keep an eye on her activities. From a legal standpoint make copies of all those phone bills, and start documenting everything this way if it does come do her having cheated on you you will have everything you need in writing. Ask a few of your common friends to see if they know anything. let them know you are concerned which you obviously are. Assuming your not a controlling @$$ then they will be more then willing to try to figure out what could have gone wrong to have her exhibiting this kind of behavior. As for whether they spent time outside of work there is no REAL way of proving that. If he's such a harmless friend ask her if you could meet him. If she's real against that idea then you might have cause to suspect something more then just "talking have been occuring"

I wish you the best of luck in this matter

Answer 3

Well women don't just reveal things to other men. I can a sure you she is attracted to him. And they have been talking about your relationship. I bet they have spent time outside of work at lunch. To state I know you wouldn't a prove shows that their is some thing wrong going on. This is just how affairs start he listens to me, he is caring and he made me feel good. The list goes on and on. Have a long talk with your wife.

Answer 4

Popping up every day on her cell phone ? So get to the bottom. I don't know her so I can't say she is being dishonest.

But this a warning light to you. I would sit down with her and talk it out. If she needs someone to talk to other than you then why ? If you want to keep her- you must invest. Guys think after they have got the woman ( married and all ) that they don't need to do anything. Wrong ! If you don't take out time and sacrifce in your relationship- you will eventually lose her to someone else. It is a matter of time. So really get in deep with her. You both need to talk. You both need to become best friends. This other guy is giving her something she is lacking in your relationship. You caught it just in time maybe.

Answer 5

Something just seems fishy here. I don't trust it. It just doesn't seem right. I tell my husband everything, even if I know he wouldn't approve. If he doesn't approve, I stop doing it, or invite him along so he can see the nature of things. At the end of the day, he is the one I come home to every night so I don't want to do anything to upset my home life. Nothing would be worth that. I stand by the philosophy that if there is something going on in my life that I cannot tell my husband about, I shouldn't be doing it. I think you have a problem here. Good luck.

Answer 6

If she was hiding a "friendship" then there was a reason to hide it, cause if she figure you wouldnt get jealous then there should be no reason to hide it.. truthfull i think there is more than just friends.... You see where in comeing from. just put your self in that position and think about it... Would you hide a friendship if you and a girl were just friends????????


oh ya where you said that she stated that she never spent time out of work with him... did you ask her about that or did she just come out and say that.... cause if she just came out and said that she might be feeling inscure about it and was just saying that so you dont bring it up.... get my d r i f t

Answer 7

Sweetie, people usually hide things for a reason. I'm not saying she's having an affair, but, something isn't right here. This "friendship" could lead to real trouble. The deception alone is something that will take a toll on your relationship. I think you need to sit down and have a real discussion with your wife. This whole thing seems fishy to me.

Answer 8

She's lying. If there was nothing to hide, she wouldnt be hiding it. She's got a shine for him but I wouldn't say that means she's been unfaithful. It does mean you've got yourself a wake up call here and something is missing in her perception of your marriage. It's been my experience that men BEGIN to see a problem right about the time their women are ready to give up.

Answer 9

Well, I would talk to her in a good way and find out if their is something in your realationship that is bothering her. Maybe she's lacking something. I think all relationships go thru this. Try to do something to spice things up. Do you guys ever go out? If you have kids sometimes it's almost impossible to find time for yourself. But that's so important. I definately wouldn't let this sit, take action!

Answer 10

SHe has unmet needs. She should be able to talk to you.
That is the problem. You (hopefully both of you but you should go even if she won't) need to go to some communications
classes together or marriage communication classes so that
you can learn to meet this need. Start by asking her (with the TV and computer off and your full attention on her) what she needs to talk about. THen listen and be empathetic. Set aside time to talk each day and don't dismiss her or try to solve her problems. Listening skills are important. Check out disciplines like marshall rosenberg's nonviolent communication and reflective listening. The man who listens to a woman will end up having sex with her. Unless you change your relationship so that you can meet your wife's needs to talk about certain things, she will likely continue this relationship and end up in an affair. I know this from experience being in your wife's position.
The guy at work would listen to my problems and understand.
The guy at home didn't want to hear it. Women love the man (and have sex with the man) who listens to them and their feelings. Make yourself that man.
Good luck.