Can you write an amusing paragraph or two or more that includes these quotes??

Question

1. Okay. I'll listen to you........blah,blah,blah.
2. You are what you eat.
Okay. Please give my ex boyfriend his order of miserable bastard.
3. Well, you're the last piece of the puzzle.
4. When I dance, people think I'm looking for my keys.
5. I'm not listening anymore, doo dah, doo dah...
6. I had to fall asleep to the sound of my brother naming his toes. There was 'Fat Tony', 'Danny the Weasel' and 'Billy Stretch and Tastes Bad'.

Answer 1

She walked into the bar intending only to have a stiff drink after her excruciatingly painful day at work. She knew if she went straight home, she'd wind up sitting in front of the television again, replaying the day's events and becoming more angry than she already was. Her boss was a tyrannical little twit and she knew now that her days in his employ were numbered. She approached the bar and found an empty stool, hopping up on her perch, and ordering a scotch and water neat. She sighed as the searing liquid passed her lips and slid down her throat, warming and soothing as it passed. As she closed and eyes and sighed heavily, a dark haired gentlemen tapped her lightly on the shoulder and asked "Is this seat taken?". She rolled her eyes and shook her head no, clearly not feeling up to the company of a stranger. "Good to be off work, huh?" he started, trying hard to start a conversation with the lovely woman beside him. "Yep" she said in a clipped manner, hoping to dissuade his further attempts to talk. "You know," he started and she sighed heavily again thinking to herself "Okay. I'll listen to you.... blah, blah, blah". He stopped talking for a moment, noticing that she was in a foul mood. "Sorry, I just thought maybe" he started again as she picked up her glass and waved it in the general direction of the bartender thinking all the while "I'm not listening anymore, doo dah, doo dah". "Sorry, miss" was all he said then, leaving her to feel ashamed at herself for acting so impolite toward a man who was clearly only looking for someone to talk to. "No, I'm sorry" she said sincerely, "Look I've just had a bad day at work and I'd really like to relax". She saw his eyes cast downward and as he lifted his face to look at her, she noticed for the first time how attractive he was.

"Let me order us an appetizer to make up for my behavior towards you" she said with a smile and she was quickly rewarded with a shy grin of his own. "Sounds good" he responded, "but only if you let me pay". "You've got a deal, then" she said, feeling a bit better that she'd tried to make it up to him. "So what are we having?" he asked as he watched her casually perusing the menu. "You are what you eat, you know" he said jokingly. "Okay, please give my ex boyfriend his order of miserable bastard" she retorted for no apparent reason. She laughed at him as he looked around the bar, apparently trying to locate this ex boyfriend. "Just kidding" she said as she laughed a bit. She quickly placed their order and as they sat silently for a bit, soft music began to play in the background and they noticed several couples leave their seats and head toward a small dance floor located in the back of the bar. "Care to dance?" he asked, laughing loudly when she responded "When I dance, people think I'm looking for my keys". "Well that must be quite the spectacle then, Hmmmm, perhaps another time then?" he asked, smiling to himself when he saw her blush in her embarrassment.

She looked at him and whispered, "You know, my life is a puzzle right now, I don't know what I'm doing anymore". Astonished by her candor, he replied "Yeah, I know that feeling. I could compare my life to a puzzle as well, except I have a feeling about something." "What's that?" she asked, interested now in what he was saying. "Well, you're the last piece of the puzzle". "What on earth do you mean?" she asked, genuinely perplexed. "I can't explain it, but I feel like I just need to be with you. I dont know you and yet I feel like somehow we're meant to be together", he said simply. She stared at him mutely at this point, trying to figure out if this was some unbelievably corny pick up line or if he was just being honest. "So, perhaps we should spend some more time getting to know more about each other" she said. "Tell me what you'd want to know" he said smiling. "Well, are you an only child, any brothers or sisters?" she started. "Hmmm, yeah, I have an older brother. We used to have to share a room as kids and I had to fall asleep to the sound of my brother naming his toes. There was 'Fat Tony', 'Danny the Weasel', and 'Billy Stretch' and 'Tastes Bad'. he replied. She nearly fell off of her stool laughing at him and deciding in an instant that he was going to be an interesting man to get to know, she settled back into her seat, looking forward to spending the rest of the evening with her new found friend.

Answer 2

'Okay. I'll listen to you, but I trained for many years as a dietitian and can assure you that I know what I am talking about' the lady dressed all in white, my favourite colour I might add, was laying down the law to the class, including my goodself, of overweight unwilling participants. She was the evenings guest speaker at our 'Watchers of Weight' club.

'You are what you eat' she paced backwards and forwards in front of us when suddenly she pointed her finger 'and you Mister Smith, are obviously overly fond of pork. Pig, Mr. Smith, I said Pig Mr. Smith'. As poor old Mr. Smith, obviously a twenty-five stone weakling, began to stand up, she quickly retorted 'Pork, Mr. Smith. Ham, Mr. Smith, Bacon, Mr. Smith'. Mr. Smith, still red with embarassment, did in fact sit down and let out a deep sigh.

'And as for you Mrs. Jones' this time, with her arms akimbo, nodded at a poor woman who could not have been more than five stone over weight. However, for her size, her natural weight should have been about eight stone, so it showed. Our lady in white continued 'when we say 'five a day' Mrs. Jones, we mean five small portions of fruit and vegetables, not five three course meals. Are you with us Mrs. Jones?' she asked. Poor old Mrs. Jones bowed her head and was obviously on the verge of tears.

'As I was saying, Mr. Robbins' you are what you eat. Okay. Please give my ex boyfriend his order of miserable bastard. That will make two'. Suddenly our lady in white noticed that a very large lady at the back had her hand up. 'What is it Mrs. Goldstein?, toilet or question?'. I suddenly had the feeling that Mrs. Goldstein was going to really regret putting up her hand.

'When I dance' she said 'people think I'm looking for my keys and I do love to dance. I used to do it professionally' she boasted. 'Not any more Mrs. Goldstein, am I right' the lady in white asked with a snigger, then continued 'Everytime I look at you, you are rooting around in your handbag, obviously looking for a chocolate bar to ease your craving'. 'Next time you are dancing' she added ' leave your handbag behind. Incidentally, what do you drive, a Ford Pickup Truck?'. She laughed and was joined by a man to the right who could not have been more than a few pounds overweight.

'Thank you Mr. Johnstone' our lady in white beamed a smile at him. Poor old Mrs. Goldstein stood up and amid the sobs, cried out 'I'm not listening anymore, doo dah, doo dah, boo,....'. I stood up and although I am only a couple of stone overweight, I decided that something had to be said 'Miss' I spoke to our lady in white 'I do not think that you should be treating our members in such a fashion'. Before I could finish what I was going to say, she almost shouted back at me 'Well, you're the last piece of the puzzle. I've been trying to puzzle out your dress sense since we started'. She stopped only to take a deep breath, then continued 'Fashion, Mr. Robbins. Fashion. How dare you mention such a word whilst you are wearing those corduroys and brown boots. Sit down and listen, you might learn how to control your obvious eating disorders and gain some advice on dress sense. Fashion indeed'.

'I have had enough' I called out to the others as I stood up 'I don't pay good money to come here and be insulted by that devil in white'. 'Madame' I finished 'you are a bit*ch'. I walked towards the door and heard a rustle of chairs behind me. The entire class was following me.

I must admit that the congestion at the door was something to be seen to be believed. Noone wanted to be the last out and gentlemanly manners went to the wall.

Later that night, as I lay in bed on my own as usual, I had to content myself with the usual ritual. You see, because of my weight which in the past was much, much greater than present, I never met a girl willing to date me, so me and my brother shared a small flat together. I could have cried, but instead I had to fall asleep to the sound of my brother naming his toes. There was 'Fat Tony, 'Danny the Weasel' and 'Billy Stretch' and 'Tastes Bad'.

I am definitely going to start a diet tomorrow, for the simple reason that I am now even jealous of my brother. You see, I have not seen MY toes for at least fifteen years. Yes a strict diet, from tomorrow........... I wonder if the lady in white would like to go out to dinner ..................... ZZzzzzzzzzzzz z z z z z

Answer 3

Yes, I can.

Answer 4

huhhhhh????????????