I've been dating my fiance since 03. It has always been an on and off struggle with him to commit. I'd left him a few times, then we lived together, and things were going well. I felt like we were finally going to get engaged.This was August of 2006- he started to become aloof, and indifferent towards me. Then I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant. When I broke the news to him, he totally flipped out, and told me he couldn't think of anything worse than having a child right now. He became more and more cold. I kept thinking that he would warm up to the idea, but he never did. He's 29 make a lot of money, and we'd been together for 3 yrs, so why not get married now?
I moved out of the apt and had an abortion. After a bit we started talking again, he realized the error of his way, and asked me to marry him. I was vulnerable cos of everything that happened- I also had a tumor in my ovary & had to have surgery. And I said yes.
Now Im falling in love with another man, & have no clue what to do
2007-01-18 05:33:04 · 12 answers · asked by NewYork Girl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Everything has been so topsy turvy with us, that I'm so embarrased that we're breaking up yet again. It seems like he is really trying now to be the man he should be, but it seems like in my mind its too late.
I didn't want to have an abortion, I just felt like I didn't have any good options. He left me hanging, and I just can't get over it. I thought I would be able to with time, but I'm so angry that I barely want to be around him.
I won't rush into anything with the new guy, but of course I want to to get rid of some of this pain I'm experiencing.
2007-01-18 05:40:31 · update #1
The new guy of course is the complete opposite of the old guy. But we feel like a 'team' when we're together. And he wants me all to himself, and realizes that I'm in a pickle since I'm engaged. Not that I am leaving the engagement for the new guy, but it's definitely compounded things.
The new guy (honestly, please forgive my corniness) has been love at first sight.
2007-01-18 05:43:15 · update #2
Yes, having the abortion has made my life a hell of a lot more complicated. It was singlehandedly the worst experieince of my life. And since I also had to have a tumor removed from my ovary, I have these scars on my belly, that remind me everyday of the whole nightmarish situation. I guess right now I'm afraid to be alone, afraid to be with him, afraid that new guy will let me down.
Dang- I cannot believe I've turned into baggage girl!
2007-01-18 05:46:34 · update #3
Do not ever date this man anymore.
Don't jump straight into this new guy.
2007-01-18 05:36:34 · answer #1 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
About your fiancee: you should break the engagement, without a question.
Forget the "other man" -- frankly, that's irrelevant. If you haven't, read your question; if you have, re-read it. Look at your description of your relationship with your fiancee. There have been roadsigns all along, in big bold capital letters, that say "GET OUT." It's always been a struggle -- that being the case, please don't believe that will change after marriage. Please, please don't believe that. It won't. His reaction to the pregnancy was terrible, yes, but your thinking he would warm up to the idea doesn't make sense in light of your relationship, and, what REALLY doesn't make sense, is the idea that "we'd been together for 3 years, so why not get married now" when every indication was that this was not a relationship to work in the long run. What it sounds like, is a relationship that you stuck with, despite clear signals that you shouldn't, at least not if you had any hopes of marriage and stability.
(To think that you should get married and that things would improve after the wedding...and to have a baby besides...It's astounding how many couples have a baby (planned or not) thinking that having a baby will solve marital problems, and oh, let me tell you, it doesn't work that way. Getting married, and having a baby, will NOT improve things.)
I'm glad he eventually realized "the error of his ways," although I'm not convinced he really did in any lasting, meaningful way. That's pretty typical abusive behavior (emotional abuse, I'm not suggesting there was any physical abuse going on at all): he lashed out in a horrid way by telling you that nothing could be worse than having a baby, he withdrew from you when you needed support, and then, after you left and had the abortion, he became contrite. I don't trust the behavior. Sorry.
You should absolutely not marry him. But you should also not get into a serious relationship with this other person. Spend some time not in a relationship, think about what you want. Get counseling if you're comfortable with that. Learn to be independent before you try committing yourself to a relationship with someone else.
2007-01-18 05:45:51 · answer #2 · answered by ljb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How hard can it be? Break the engagement and move on. You gave this guy more than enough time to commit, and you've certainly been through enough pain. Now he wants to hold up your future for another 3 or 4 years, while he looks for a better deal (and that's what he's doing, just so you know)? Hell no!
If you're still thinking about marrying this guy, tell him you want to get married now--within the next few days. Tell him you don't want to wait any longer. You want to go get the marriage license, meet at the courthouse and get married, now. If he talks about planning for a big wedding, tell him you don't want that. You can plan a wedding reception later, but say you want to get married NOW! If he doesn't go along with that idea, he's playing games again and you need to drop him.
Considering what he's put you through, you should move on anyway. You're dealing with a very cold individual who is not going to change in marriage.
2007-01-18 06:07:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not going to assume I know all the reasons for the abortion but I do hope that it wasn't solely based on the guys reaction.
It sounds to me that you are no longer in love with this guy and the only reason you are entertaining this idea is because you have a memory of what you had with him and an ideal of what you want to have. But there is no way you can seriously think that a relationship with him is best for you.
I predict you are going to have many problems stemming from your abortion and your feelings towards him based on that decision. This could lead to some very bad things. I say go with the new love interest.
2007-01-18 05:41:47 · answer #4 · answered by tejanomoreno 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart and do what makes you happy. Struggle with baggage, unkind treatment and bridges partially burned; or move on to someone who might actually be the ONE. There are no guarantees either way, but don't let fear of change hold you back. Lots of luck to you.
2007-01-18 05:42:17 · answer #5 · answered by Patience G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay first of all, wouldn't it have been nice for him to "realize the error of his ways" BEFORE you murdered an innocent baby?
Second, if you have fallen in love with another man, if you are even LOOKING at another man like that, you need to break off this engagement. It wouldn't be fair for either of you to jump into a marriage when you are already having thoughts of being unfaithful. Do yourself a favor and end it with this guy and then look elsewhere. Good luck!
2007-01-18 05:40:05 · answer #6 · answered by Melanie 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Break your engagement, gently if possible.
DON'T get pregnant with the new guy.
Get some professional counseling, right now, please. I'm serious. You need it more than you think, and there is no shame in that. The only shameful thing would be to avoid getting help when you need it so.
2007-01-18 06:07:34 · answer #7 · answered by Husker41 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, it should even be a question. Considering that you have gone thru alot with you fiance, and in the influx of these situations, you have actually fallen out of love. It happens, just tell your fiance that you aren't in love with him any longer. Its time to move on.
2007-01-18 05:40:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break off your engagement and then collect your thoughts and think about things and choose who you really want to be with..... Do not just settle and you may need time to choose.
2007-01-18 05:49:57 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take some time for u and u only to sort things out. do not get married or anything until i know who u want trust me
2007-01-18 05:46:57 · answer #10 · answered by debbie o 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋