This is something I wrote.I am an amateur,I am 16 and I would please like your opinion about it.Thanks.
If Only
I do not mind letting you go
with what you have taken from me
the memories you leave behind can last me a lifetime
the moments we have shared can see me through
if only you will still come in my dreams
as you used to…
I do not mind not following you
to the ends of the world
to spend all my breathing moments in your presence
if only you will hold me when I die
and whisper ‘I love you’, even if it is a lie
for one last time…
I do not mind knowing you are happy elsewhere
and will be, without me-
after all, one smile from you compensates for everything I have got
(however cliché it might sound, my love)
if only I can see a tear in your eye
as I fade into darkness…
forever.
2007-01-18 05:32:32 · 16 answers · asked by Morphia 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
it's very nice.. don't listen to kittyrogers.. he's one of those people that see poetry as letters and numbers instead of a souls expression.. he sees your words yet is blind to the beauty they hold.. poor guy. sure.. if you wanted to be published or something it would be a whole new game.. but how many people write to be published? it's for you and anyone who cares to share with you.. good job.
2007-01-18 07:22:45 · answer #1 · answered by pip 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a touching poem that tells me you have lost someone you really loved. It also reveals you are going to be able to move on with your life even if you do not fully realize it at the time.
Most of all you have discovered how to bring out your inner-most feelings by poetry and that will serve you well all your life. It is a blessing.Have a happy life.
2007-01-18 07:30:41 · answer #2 · answered by Cinna 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it, and let it really be a farewell poem.
And every time you feel sad, reread your poem.
The best way to get over love
Is to give it a place to live forever.
And none better than poem.....
Love is after all, dearest, a love of Life.
It is the highest hill and the songbirds trill,
Or a creek singing continuously never still,
A harbor away from life's saddening storms
A doorway to true and lasting poems.
2007-01-18 05:58:03 · answer #3 · answered by zclifton2 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
actual coming from a pro poet, it sounds slightly compelled. Do you imagine it truly is compelled? honestly it truly is an really sturdy first attempt. you've the flexibility to placed your thoughts accessible. yet is does have stretched throughout it. you in reality favor to enable the words bypass. do no longer make some thing pop out. in case you do it truly is going to appear as if a pen exploded throughout your web page. and ... EDIT EDIT EDIT my expensive. the major to a sturdy poem is diverse copies.
2016-11-25 01:35:01 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Melodramatic, but when you are 16 with a broken heart that's how it is.
Don't fade away into darkness...remember that one door has to close before the next one opens.
2007-01-18 10:30:43 · answer #5 · answered by chillsister 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is what it is. i'd give it a 7/10 perhaps. not very touching, kind of cliche. but a part of me sort of likes the direction it could've went with more experience and better word choice...
jusy my take on it. keep writing. poetry is all about the writer liking it, not everyone else.
2007-01-18 11:01:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a very beautiful poem, in fact, I could never write something so beautiful, unless I spent endless time on it.
2007-01-19 10:13:47 · answer #7 · answered by Zoe96 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's great. Keep writing. Of course, I might have a different opinion if I actually read it.
2007-01-18 14:37:14 · answer #8 · answered by sal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gulp!
That was very touching, and the kind of thing that evokes tears.
Good for you;I enjoyed it. Write more.
2007-01-18 06:12:27 · answer #9 · answered by Zeera 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very nice but try not to be so literal and be more expressive.
2007-01-18 06:56:29 · answer #10 · answered by N.FromVT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋