my daughter has this boyfriend and i was fine with them going out before. they met almost 2 years ago and i knew that if i didnt let them go out with eathother, they would see eachother behind my back. things go really bad and even our church got involved and they were not allowed to even be friends. but i was trying to get on my daughters good side(how dumb of me...)and i let them be friends. they were talking non stop and my dauighter has two thousdand minutues on her phone per month and she still goes over the minutes tlaking to him. they started dating again behind my back and i didnt care any more. but he pushed my to my limit. he has to go. i took away her phone and that didint stop her. she has been ditching school to be with him. hes 20 and she 17 so its not even legal. he lies to her all the time, and he kids around with serious stuff that is serious and shouldnt be taken lightly, he inults her, her sister and myself. she is letting herself be a doormat. how do i get rid o him
2007-01-18 05:28:50 · 17 answers · asked by lifewasgoodinthe80s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
yes, i did think he was a respectalbe young man. she knew that i liked him as a person and i didnt let either of them know i didnt like them up until a few weeks ago because he crossed the line. i also have no idea what to do with her sister. my duaghter and her boyfriend pick on her and make fun of her and think of ways to torture her and myself. they're just harassing the whole family
2007-01-18 05:53:08 · update #1
the more you try to keep them apart you will drive them together and he will be pleased with himself as your daughter will have chosen him over you. I had same problem with my daughter only she was 14 and he 17. He treated like dirt but young love she couldnt see it. I chose to take a step back and she found out for herself ( teeneagers in love never listen to their parents), all i did was tell her I was there no matter what.
Now she is married to another jerk (typical) and again I will just have to be there for her and am.
Setting him up will only result in her distancing herself from you, if not now then in later years for interferring. Just try and remember what you were like when you were young and the feelings you had.
Be patient, spend time with her doing shopping, meals on her own. She will remember that and your relationship will survive.
Good luck
2007-01-18 05:55:15 · answer #1 · answered by angelrose0105 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of the hardest things to do as a parent is a little thing called "Tough Love"...it's where we do something we know we could be hated for (only temporarily, for eventually they do see you did it for their own good) and sometimes it's rather distasteful. I love my daughters, but they were brought up without alcohol and drugs in their lives, so when my youngest was 18 she was a designated driver for a group of friends that were old enough to consume alcohol, in our town (which I think should be baned) you can enter a bar underage as long as there are no poker machines in the same room and usually they stamp an underage drinkers hand showing the bartenders they are unable to buy liquor but that does not stop someone else from buying it for them, anyway she did have a drink, the states raided the establishment and she was fined. I refused to pay the fine and when the sheriffs department came to the house looking for her because the fine hadn't been paid I called her to come home. I didn't want a statistic, I wanted a daughter, I had hoped (even asked) the officer if she would do any jail time for I knew it would scare her enough not to drink again, but he said no, only a larger fine. On this line you might find it helpful that the next time she misses school, and I would call the school to set this up ahead of time, Just call the local sheriffs department since she is underage and he would be charged with the crime since he is overage, as well as she would be put on juvenile counsiling. Sometimes just a scare is what a lot of teens need, and with someone older getting the blame he may very well stop seeing her on his own, keeping from getting in trouble because of it.
2007-01-18 05:52:09 · answer #2 · answered by sassywv 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course she is a doormat and who do you think taught her how to be like that? Geez! You are a doormat to her. She has walked all over you. You are her Mother not her best friend. It is your job to protect her until she is old enough and mature enough to take care of her self. Your not there to be on her good side or be her friend. Your her Mom....act like it. She might hate you but in a few years she will thank you. You took her phone away a little late. you should have done this when you saw that the relationship was totally dysfunctional. She is to young to recognize these things for her self. That's why your the Mom. Drive her to school and deliver her to her first class and then be there to pick her up . Notify all of her teachers that you are having a little problem and you need to know if she does not show up for one of her classes. Don't believe anything she tells you. You have to take control. She has to stop seeing this guy. Do what ever it takes. Don't be nice about it either.
2007-01-18 05:52:31 · answer #3 · answered by sunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding? Didn't you have sisters when you were growing up? Whatever, the best way you can get her to not like this guy is make him your best friend. Sure, you may have ideas about showing her how he's no good for her and how he doesn't represent any kind of "real" future for her, but the thing is: if he's the boyfriend from hell, she's rebelling by seeing him in the first place. So if you make this guy your best friend, she'll either dump him out of a continued rebellion, or you'll realize the good things she sees in him and will end up appreciating him. No, I'm kidding, she'll dump him.
2016-05-24 03:47:35 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly the more you try and push him away is the more she will keep running right into his arms. You have to let her see it for herself. Just take a few steps back and let her learn from her mistakes. Since you feel that he is no good every minute your daughter is with him seems like an eternity but if trust that you taught her well let your magic work. She probably feels that you don't trust ability to think for her self and that she is almost an adult. Respect her for the woman she will become and not for how you want her to be now you did say she is only 17. In a year it won't legally matter how you feel or what you say if you want what you say to matter allow her some mistakes. She will learn from them. And just make sure you pray for her to see. God only keeps His children in the dark until THEY are able to see the light not you.
2007-01-18 13:11:43 · answer #5 · answered by mocca4 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have lost control of your daughter...you should always, always be the parent..first..friendship with her will come later..but right now, you have got to step-up and be the adult...
take out a restraining order..and have him arrested if he violates it...what are the stautes about contributing to minors in your state (something I'm sure he has violated)?....find out. You are going to need a lot more help than you can find here...you need to go speak with a social worker, a minister, rabbi or someone you can trust....if you "ban" him from your home any other way, your daughter is just going to run harder in his direction...can she be removed from your home? Sent to stay with other relatives for a while? Sometimes, when you loose control over your kids like this, and at her age, you may never get it back....
2007-01-18 05:44:09 · answer #6 · answered by Toots 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if it's illegal then do what's right via that route...call your lawyer or your local police station....
Your daughter is 17, you have up until she's 18 to put your foot down and disconnect her from this guy entirely...and I mean entirely...ground her, take away her stuff, don't allow her the priviledge of going out alone anymore....sounds drastic but would you rather see her running to this guy once she's 18, or worse, moving in with him???
Mom, this is hard but you absolutely love your daughter so stand up and be the hardcore parent she obviously needs...
2007-01-18 05:46:12 · answer #7 · answered by wastedlife 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You make a police report since your daughter is underage.If that doesn't keep them away from each other he just might do some time for breaking the law.If she still keeps in contact with him you have done your part.Let her fall on her face.Sometimes you just have to let them learn the hard way unfortunately.Good luck and take care.
2007-01-18 05:57:01 · answer #8 · answered by Ms Lety 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! the only thing i can think of is maybe you can get a restraining order put against him so he can't come near your daughter. this may be possible because of the ages and because he is getting her to ditch school. other than that all i can think of to say is let her know that she is to stop seeing him by the time she is 18 otherwise she is out of the house because "you can't watch her do this to herself". FOLLOW THROUGH with whatever you do!! don't back down! you can do this, don't give up hope!!
2007-01-18 05:37:37 · answer #9 · answered by cantthinkofauseridsohereitis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you insist that she not see him she is going to see
him. You have to let her see him for who he really is. Put him
in a situation without her knowing what you are doing, that he
has to be the jerk he really is in front of her. Don't make it to
obvious but allow her to make this decision on her own but
help her to see him for who he really is. She will you just con-
tinue to be a loving parent and allow her to feel she can come
to you with anything in this world. You don't have to approve of
this relationship and let her know you do not approve also let
her know the reasons why you don't approve end the conversation with I love and trust you. I know you will make a
good decision because you are a strong young lady and I have
taught you how to handle these situations. GOOD LUCK!!
2007-01-18 05:41:38 · answer #10 · answered by Karen K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋