What should I do if my attorney is hitting on me????

Question

I am in a custody/ divorce battle, and my attorney is getting a little too "friendly" with me. When I went into his office to discuss my upcoming mediation he kept commenting on how beautiful I was. He says he doesn't know why my husband cheated and that he is such a fool. The comments are more frequent now, and I'm getting bad vibes. I am frustrated because I have spent a lot of time and money and don't feel like changing attorneys mid-way. I also want good representation and don't want to p*** him off. What should I say and/ or how do I handle this?

Answer 1

You are right that your lawyer is engaging in inappropriate action.

He may also be violating his governing society's code of professional ethics. Contact the law society or bar association to investigate this, and raise the question of what happens with your divorce/custody case if you change lawyers. They may be able to offer some advice about how to change lawyers, and how to document his harassment. Changing your lawyer may not be as difficult as you think. A new lawyer will be able to handle the paperwork, and properly done, it should not damage your case.

If you wish to keep the lawyer, you might consider saying "Please don't say that again. I think it is inappropriate." Being assertive without being non-confrontational will likely result in him offering excuses ("I was just being supportive"). You don't need to justify yourself or enter into a debate about your perceptions. Just say something like: "It's settled. Let's only talk about the case now." If he persists in giving you unwelcome attention, then changing lawyers becomes a higher priority.

There are two other considerations:

The lawyer's other women clients may also be harassed. Reporting him helps protect them.

Family law cases involving custody usually involve lawyers until the child is no longer a minor.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I would file a grievance with the state bar. The bar would make him give you any money spent back. Of course, this takes a little time and you would be out the money until the issue was resolved, but I don't think I would stay with him throughout the case.

If you have to, tell him gracefully and with tact that you are very hurt and vulnerable from your divorce and that you just will not entertain any thoughts of seeing anyone else for quite a long time. Don't smile when he says something like that to you, or in any way give him the impression that you are open to him. If it keeps on after that, you will have to tell him that you feel very uncomfortable about his comments and that surely they can't be ethical. He should get the hint.

My ex-husband is an attorney and frequently (apparently) took advantage of his position to hit on women who came to him for help. Grievances were filed and he had to pay back lots of money to the clients. He also had his license suspended for three years for behavior issues.

Answer 3

Well, I would just say dump this attorney, he is a pig. But you don't want to, If he was making you that uncomfortable, I don't see why you wouldn't just get another one? How can you concentrate with someone who is just checking you out all the time, when your trying to keep it professional?? But anyhow, what I really want to say is use him to your advantage at this time, IF your gonna keep him. If he is interested in you , he will do his best to fight this divorce thing your going through, I know it sounds lame, but its the truth. And soon as its done, let him go. Just know that he probley will be calling, for some bull **** reason after this is done, so he can see you or talk to you. But whatever you do, don't lead him on. If you can talk to him as a friend too about your case, maybe you can let him know how tired you are of men right now, and how you can't see yourself dating anyone for a while, that always works, its like your telling him indirectly, but without embarrassing him..good luck!

Answer 4

He apparently is picking up on your vibes of weakness. It could be how your present yourself to him or how you conversate.

You can easily change the scenario, by being a lady about the current situation your in and when your in his office conduct yourself as a lady so that he will respect you as such.
keep it strictly business and leave his office as such.

He will pick up your business fashion quickly and then he will know that it is business and thats it.

If he sees a girl walk in his office that is not together and easily shows weakness, he thinks he can tag it a bit, but in this case he's wrong.

Your probably being hit on and thats it. Just do not give him any indication that your suttle to it.

Your a Lady and you respect to be treated as such. If it comes down to you having to tell him that then do just that.

By all means give him respect as well and expect that in return.

Answer 5

First you should tell him that his advances make you feel uncomfortable and this could affect you business dealings. You are paying for this service and if he continues you will fired him.

If that doesn't get his attention and he continues his misbehavior, advise him that you will contact the the bar association and press to disbar him.

Now if that doesn't work fire him,get another attorney, seek his disbarment and sue him any of the costs for the divorce.

Sounds logical and that should work. Don't play the victim any more that's why your getting the divorce in the first place.

Answer 6

Try to make sure you get his advances documented or witnessed by someone other than yourself.

Winning a case against him will prove very difficult without substantiated proof. If you go the route of your word versus his, remember it's always innocent until proven guilty.

he could tort and litigate the case in the courts/appeals processes until you went broke trying to defense the torts/appeals. Lawyers know the law much better than we do and feel they are above it.

So my opinion is don't change lawyers, but find ways to get proof of his advances - offer to start an email exchange with him and if he is that brash, he will most certainly say something in writing to tighten the noose around his neck.

Answer 7

What an irony. A divorce attorney who is handling your divorce case is hitting on you. He should know better.

Warn him that you are not comfortable with his comments but do it politely the first time.

Just say things like in the interest of continuing this divorce case, can we just concentrate on it. I hate to get a new lawyer but I will have to if I am not in a comfortable environment.

Answer 8

Talk to someone at the bar association who is not connected to your attorney. There are several things that could be done by the bar. Improper conduct sort of thing.

But about all you can do is ask the question, "Are you hitting on me". If he says yes, you can ask him to stop. If he says no, well tell him it feels like he is.

Just remember 95% of lawyers give the rest of them a bad name.

Answer 9

If I were you I would get another attorney. He doesn't have the right to do what he is doing. He is supposed to be a professional in the business and he is not acting like it. Go find another attorney or turn him to the board.

Answer 10

Attorneys are barred from seeking a sexual relationship with their clients by the ethics laws of every state. However, you cannot sue your attorney for breaking the ethics rules because they did not cause you any damages. I recommend telling your attorney to stop making advances. If they do not so, report them to their state bar.