I'm 3 months pregnant, and my relationship is go'in down the drain...Desperately need advice?

Question

Okay I don't usually go this far but I am so desperate in trying to save my relationship. I am 21 years old and now three months pregnant. About a year ago I met my fiancee and everything was perfect. I overlooked the fact that he had a 6 month old at the time, because prior to getting serious we were great friends. While I say about 3 months into our new found "love" we find out his ex-girlfriend was 4 months pregnant with his child. I stuck it out since he was the greatest. Well soon after we moved in and things went from bad to worse from there. I moved out twice, the second time I was done, didnt want nothing to do with him, he came looking for me 3 weeks later. Then one night one thing led to another and well now I'm pregnant. I was so determind to move on. And out of lust I got pregnant. NOW, we're living together, but he's been so cold and distant. I know alot of it is because of me, I tend to over react and get upset over lil things. But I don't know what to do? Please help.

Okay thanks so much for the advice so far, I did forget to mention that right now we are going to church, hoping to get counseling through our Pastor... also I do have a pretty good relationship with my mom, she has spoken to him and she says he's happy with us, but he doesnt show me any kind of sign of happiness, no affection, no smiles, no love, no communication, that's why I feel so insecure about our relationship. I know I can do fine without him and I did not try to trap him in anyway, things happend, and I do not regret my unborn child, not one bit, but it's just hard for me to picture life raising a baby on my own. But if it has to be done it will. I just wonder if I should let him be, give him his space, and let things unfold on their own, cause I do love him, but don't know if it's enough to put my child and I through the unstability. Ugh, I do hate this feeling. And it doesnt help that I'm so emotional right now.

Answer 1

My advice is to move out, move back in with your parents(until you get your feet on the ground, and your baby is born), then get a job to support you and your baby. Mom and Dad will be glad to help. Make sure he pays child support for your baby, although he has at least 3, or will have as soon as yours is born. Don't beat yourself up over mistakes made, just try as best you can to have your baby, and bring it up in a stable atmosphere......better in a single-parent home, than in a two-parent house full of chaos, and hatred. Good Luck with your baby, and in your life.

Answer 2

Oh my dear you are young.You made the right decision when you left the first time.You allowed your physical emotions to get in the way and now you don't have just yourself to worry about but you have a baby to worry about.If you think he is being distant and cold now you have'nt seen anything yet it will only get worse once you have the baby.This guy clearly does not respect you so he cannot love you.I suggest you get out now and start preparing for your life with your baby.You absolutely need to make sure that this guy takes responsibility for his child and pay's child support.You are young and you will find the right man for you.Staying in a relationship with someone because you have a child together is never the answer.The child ultimately ends up paying for it.Good luck to you and your baby.One more thing don't look at this as a mistake but rather a beautiful gift children are all god's gifts.It is up to us to wrap them with love.

Answer 3

You need to take a good look at the person you are with who seems to be fertalizing a lot. Do you want someone this unstable to continue with? Make that choice and stick with it. You may end up learning a hard lesson- single parenting- but it would be better than being a miserable parent that your child will see on a daily bases.I think in your heart from what you wrote that you know what the answer is, you will be fine on your own and true ove will come to you.

Answer 4

Dear you are way to young to be this miserable. Just because
you are pregnant doesn't mean you should stay with him.
Single women raise children all the time alone. IF he is already
cold and distant now you need to get out and get yourself
together before your baby is born..What kind of life will this be
for your child to live in. You want your child to see a relationship
as a good thing and most children grow up and mimic the
relationships they have been introduced to. I know that you would
not want your child to grow up and live in this kind of crap..Would
you???? Start your life out right. Make sure you are happy so
you can surround your new baby with a loving caring environment/ Good Luck

Answer 5

You need to do several things. But will you do them? Your choices have been poor up to this point. Are you willing to make the hard choices? Are you willing to do things that will initially be emotionally painful but beneficial in the LONG run?

What I think you should do: Break up with current BF and kick him out of your apt. and life. NEVER to be seen or heard from again. Get yourself to a doc. to make sure the baby is healthy. If you need health ins there is state aid that will see you through the pregnancy. When the baby is born, give the baby up for adoption. Go to group therapy with other women who also gave their children up for adoption. Adoption agencies could point you to group therapy sessions. (35-50$ a week or sometimes free)

You are an emotional wreck and not in a situation that is healthy for a baby in any respect. You need to focus on yourself and not let your lust lead you any longer. Use your brain, get an education, support yourself. Be a complete person (mind, body, spirit) on your own before you get involved with another man.

Answer 6

1st of all..whether you two stay together or not, this boy needs to keep his pants up, and if he can't then he needs to invest in some condoms. 2nd of all..you're already pregnant, nothing you can do about that now, so now your shift of thinking changes from you to you and your baby. Do you think he is in a good enough state to be productive with this baby? Do you think he feels trapped because he got you pregnant? (Don't mistake the fact that he chose that though!!) Do you really want your baby growing up in this kind of atmosphere? Is there anywhere else you can go to kind of sort things out and maybe take a break? Sometimes people get pregnant and things don't work out, you wouldn't be the first one in history to have that happen..everything will work out in time, you just have to be patient. I definitely think it would be better for your stress level to leave that house for right now though. Maybe give him some time to think, but remember honey, he didn't change when he had those two kids with his ex..so don't get your hopes up..all you can do is take care of yourself and that baby. Good luck!!

Answer 7

u may have thought the baby would bring u closer, and make him love u, but usually it causes more stress. he is clearly upset about the baby, may not want it. sometimes before we commit and have relations we really need to look into his past, see what is going on, easier said than done sometimes, easy to say and think of after the fact. your clearly upset because of the other child he fathered, that u didn't know of right away. but u really thought this baby would change things, bring him closer to u, but it seems to have actually hurt the relationship by getting pregnant.just focus on your baby, try to talk it out with him, he is obvious upset with the pregnancy.

Answer 8

Get some counseling! If you are overreacting and getting upset over little things, there is an underlying cause. Part of the cause could be the raging hormones of early pregnancy. If you want to save the relationship, get some counseling!

Answer 9

First off GET ON BIRTH CONTROL. "one thing led to another and well now I'm pregnant" what a great legacy for your child. The least you could do is dump this looser and find a real man who can raise your child as his own.

Answer 10

Just try to stop over reacting though we behave that way when we're carrying and most of the times we are down emotionally. But besides that, just think about your unborn child and behave, he'll come around, if he did so earlier, he likes you. Stop worrying.