how should i tell him im not comfortable with it????

Question

my boyfriend has preformed oral on me once...........but im not comfortable with it at all.. yes of coarse it feels great ...but when i was little i was molested and .......well u can guess the rest......how am i supposed to tell him that im not comfortable with it.? i dont want to tell him wut happened to me though.....?

Answer 1

Just tell him. I don't mean to just blurt it out, but sit down someplace quiet and tell him not just that you're uncomfortable with it, but why. If you can't be honest with him about this, then you won't be comfortable with anyone about it. You need to be comfortable explaining this to anyone with whom you are that close.

If he really cares about you and about pleasuring you, he'll take all of this into account. If he doesn't, it ought to be deal breaker for you.

In addition, though, I wonder if you have worked through all of this for yourself, or are you at this point still a victim instead of a survivor? There are counsellors who can help you to do this work. You should be able to find one either by asking your doctor or by calling the rape hot line in your area.

Please see the links I've listed.

Answer 2

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your childhood experience. How very sad! There are so many different ways to handle this. One, you could say that you're just not that into receiving oral sex. I don't think he'll be devastated to hear it, but you'll have to reassure him that it's not that he's doing something wrong. Maybe you prefer to give, which he'll love. Also, you could say that you prefer other acts (whatever they may be). Don't know if you guys have intercourse or not, but if you do, you could say you prefer that. I would find a professional to talk with about all the issues that come up when your a survivor of abuse. You can also get some help with relationship issues. Don't put it all on yourself to handle everything. Good luck!

Answer 3

sweetheart, if hes really 4 u or cares for u alot and the relationship is strong or getting there, u should be able to talk to him about it and he should understand... dont make up a lie or tell him straight up... in any relationship, communication is the key, alot of relationships lack that, i no it must be an uncomfortable thing to talk about an it may be depressing 4 u or it does bring back BAD memories but u should be honest and try talkin to him, then he would be able to understand how to deal with u and he would have a better understanding. cause if u jus tell him that u dont wanna do it he would feel or think that maybe hes bad in bed or something, so jus talk to him, let him understand what u went tru ok...

good luck

Answer 4

Your exact words should be fine: I'm just not comfortable with it. You can say something a little different that's a little more socially common, if you'd like. Say something like "I'm just not that into it."

If he presses you, say "Sex is all about tastes, some people like some things and some people don't. I'm not really into oral." If he continues to hound you, tell him to take the hint or shove off. Sex partners have to respect one another's preferences and tastes. If he can't do that, you should by no means hang around.

Take things at your own pace and don't let him put you in a position that makes you feel uncomfortable. Take your time.

Answer 5

I think you should really tell him the truth. Tell him that you were molested and thats why you feel uncomfortable with it. If you dont, and you just say you dont like it, you may make him think that its HIM thats the problem, like he's not good enough or something. He'll want to know your past so he can be supportive and maybe eventually, you may feel comfortable with it once again.

Answer 6

I'm in the same position as you, but I'm married and felt comfortable talking to my husband about it. He still tries, though, like it's his mission to help me overcome it. At least he doesn't think I don't like it because of him.

Sometimes I'll tell him that I love his d*ck so much I can't stand it when he teases me with anything else (tongue, fingers, I'm sure you understand). It's flattering to him and takes the focus off "I don't like that".

Maybe you should just wait until you're with someone you can confide something like that to.

Good luck

Answer 7

telling your bf something like that might help you guys feel closer and help him understand more of why you dont feel comfortable with him going down on you. If he cant understand your feelings then dump him. Hes not worth your time. A guy should understand your feelings and accept things you dont feel comfortable with. Maybe he can also help desensitize you from feeling wierd about him going down on you. Its a two part thing!

Answer 8

You don't have to necessarily tell him by "telling" him you know what I mean? what I suggest you do is when he is about to do it, move his head up and say lets try something else, or lets give each other a massage..... just try to get his mind off and away from your cooch! Once you direct him enough, he will basically get the hint that you don't want him down south.

Answer 9

if this is gonna be a long term relation ship than you need to be open with him that way he knows how to trat you in times you playing around and sex and if you dont like orl bc like thanks babe i love the gester but oral really aint for me you just need to talk with him!

Answer 10

just tell him you don't really like it....he should understand...if he is your boyfriend, though...you should be able to tell him what happened...