Pregnant, working hard, feeling lonely?

Question

My boyfriend has been out of work now for a little over a month. He was let go because of two things: the company was changing, and he didnt bother to show up except for about 3 days before he was let go. Now, I'm becoming less patient and more upset. I'm 7 months pregnant with our first baby and he cant seem to find a steady job. His daily activities seem to be taking his friends to work and watching TV. I'm hurt because every time I bring the situation up he gets angry with me. I work from 8:30-5:30 and I'm just plain exhausted when i come home. There is no reason he cant work. I plan to leave on maternity leave as soon as I'm able to. My body is a complete wreck from the stress and the work. Any advice on what to do? He has so many people helping him try to get work but he doesnt even acknowledge it. He's waiting on a phone call that could come from now until 6 mos from now that will give him work in a union. What do I do? I get more and more upset by the minute...

Please spare me the marriage before baby bit- things do happen and not all marriages work out. We are in our 20's and our parents were married but ended up getting divorces. Why put my child through a divorce? Things do not simply get better because you're married. You still argue, still fight, and a man can still do the same as my man is doing. It doesnt take a wedding band to change much but our last names.

Answer 1

Cut your losses and get out of a situation that will only get worse with time. If he's not motivated to work now, with his baby on the way, what makes you think he will work and support his baby when it comes? You will not only have a baby to support then, but you will still be supporting him. If you leave, yes, you will have to support your baby alone, but at least you won't have to support HIM too. Make him pay child support.......he'll have to go to work then, or go to jail.

Answer 2

You need to confront him. First let me say it's perfectly healthy to put boundries on relationships. (i.e. he must be a responsible father, he must be an active part of society, etc)

The following is a great confrontation method:
1. Affirm realtionship - Tell him how you feel about him.
2. Discuss issue - Baby needs a father, you need emotional/financial support.
3. Discuss needed resolve - Ask him for ideas, but have a list written down of the things you need from him.
4. Discuss putting resolve into effect (deadline) - Let him know this will change now.
5. Reconfirm relationship - Let him know how you feel. Also let him know how you feel about the new changes and give him hope for a better future as things change.

Remember, if he doesn't get responsible and become an active part of your family, then find a grownup who will.

Answer 3

First of all, calm down, you don't need to get overstressed any more then you already are.
Second, why don't you set up an "intervention" get a whole bunch of family and friends and tell them in advance that you want them ALL to side with you regarding the fact that he gets his lazy behind off the couch and starts filling up job applications at the nearest unemployment agency. Make sure you have a firm plan on how to get his resume together and circle a couple of potential job postings in the "help wanted" postings of newspapers. You need to do this as soon as you can.
He needs to know that you are more then prepared to be a single mother, rather than a mother of a baby and a bum.
Good Luck.

Answer 4

Honey, I am sorry to say you have got a loser. I too worked two jobs with my first child, because my ex only worked part time. I went back to work when my second child was born , after only 8 days because he had lost his job for stealing. I put up with his not working for 37 years , He only worked 33% of the time we were married. Don't be dumb, get him out of your life now. You can do just fine on your own. You are supporting a guy , who wants to be a kid, not a man. Don't waste your life like I did thinking he was going to change. They don't they just get lazier.
There is help out there , go to your church or social services and get help if you need it. It is better than supporting a bum. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 5

your boyfriend is immature, and insensitive, and wants only the job he wants, doesn't want to take a lower job as he feels he is worth more than a lowly job. he could work a job till the other one came through, he just needs to grow up, and get some motivation. is there anyone like his dad, who could talk to him, as if he continues down this road, u will get resentful and feel he is not doing all he can, and that's when the fights start and the money problems begin. and than eventually somebody gets upset and goes outside the relationship for comfort. he has to change, if he won't it can't mean anything good is going to come out of this for u or the new baby. your dealing with a boy and not a man.

Answer 6

This is a sad situation for the future of this baby. As said before you should have been married and stable in your relationship before bringing a baby in the world-but too late for that now. If he doesnt start pulling his weight leave him and go for it on your own, you are doing everything now anyway. Why have him laying around on the couch while you work. You owe it to the baby to set a good example and this guy sounds like a looser!

Answer 7

You will have to let him know how it makes you feel, ask him if he cares to be in the baby's life and if he does, he better start working and if he doesn't, you don't need a father like that in the baby's life, because it will be a very bad example for the baby and he is a burden on you, you will have to leave him and try and get financial support from the government, but you better off without him, if he doesn't do anything he is a loser and you and your baby deserve better!

Answer 8

You should leave him or put him out! It's obvious you can make it without him (you're doing it right now). He will only bring you down. My first husband was the same way and he was jobless the day our child was born. We eventually got divorced anyway. He shouldn't be mad at you, YOU should be mad as hell at him. You have a right to be upset.

I agree with you that all marriages don't work out and just because you become pregnant that is NOT a reason to get married. EVERYONE makes mistakes and you are taking responsibility for yours and he is not.

Answer 9

oh, i feel your pain, hon, i've been there. your man is in need of a serious wake up call, and you're probably the only one that can give it to him. drastic times call for drastic measures. every single morning when you wake up, wake him up too, and take his key to the house away from him, and tell him that he's not allowed to come home before you do unless he's been hired somewhere. you are rapidly running out of time before the baby comes, and once you're on maternity leave, it's up to him to support a family of 3. it's not his responsibility to play taxi to everyone else, however it IS his responsibility to support his family. you can't afford to wait around until he gets a call from a union job that may never come, he needs to get employed immediately. yeah, he's going to be really pissed off at you, but you need to be more pissed off back. he's the one that needs to change, not you.

the father of my children was just like this, always making excuses on how he can't get and keep a job, and it's always everyone's fault but his. i eventually had to throw in the towel and leave him to raise my daughter on my own. i hope it works out for you.

Answer 10

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