I am ashamed to say that i have grown apart from my beautiful teenager,since i had her little sister.[3] We used to be as close as a mother & daghter could be, but now she has drifted away, Anyone got any ideas on what we can do together today to get back on track? I would appreciate hearing from 14yr old girls and their mothers!!!!I am determined to make some progress before the sun sets on another day like this!!
2007-01-18 04:13:00 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Coming from a girl of the equivalent age, I would say that "the little things" are what truly matter. Like, just making dinner together, talking about girl stuff (such as guys, makeup and how to use it, what you used to do/like as teen, etc.), going out... even passing a smile throughout the day seems to be enough to keep each on good terms with the other. I also find that I really appreciate it when I feel an eagerness to know something about my taste for music, boys or anything from my mother-- or just about anyone! An adolescent appreciates the fact that someone can have interest in him/her. And I equally like to know all about what music, what boys, clothes, things my mother used to do. I've had talks of long hours just asking all sorts of questions late into the night, getting to know what she was like and comparing it with my own self today... it's all wonderful to be able to share these things. Don't waste with your daughter, and start making memories with the little things. Be creative. Act young again! I think it's additionally fun for the mom at times; to get wild and dance until you can't continue anymore or whatever! Anyway, I'm sure I've said enough, so I'll finish by saying: protect her well, but not enough to limit her from growing up. She needs her space and to develop her authority and independence. Now, all I wish you is the best of luck and for both of you to have a wonderful time remaking the loving bond between a mother and daughter!
Thank you for reading and hope I helped. : )
2007-01-18 07:02:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter's are not 14 but they are close. 15 and 17. First thing I want to say is you can't do it all by yourself. If she is not willing then there is nothing you can do but give her time. I know how much this hurts because my girls and I are not close either. For me it was divorce and having to leave my children behind that caused the distance between us. Now it is because they are teens and think they don't need us. A double whammy. The best you can do is let her know that you are there for her. Let her know how sorry you are for putting her on the back burner, and how much she really means to you and you love her. Invite her to go shopping and out to lunch, she may like that. Then again she may prefer to be with her friends. Either way keep trying without being to pushy, they just seem to get madder. I wish you luck and please keep me and my girls in your thoughts as well.
2007-01-18 05:33:18 · answer #2 · answered by lost angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've just turned 15, if that helps. I think a good way would be to maybe leave your yongest daughter at her grannies or with a friend you trust, and take your 14 year old out for a whole day. Just you and her! Spend a day doing things that she wants. Find out what she likes, be it the zoo, shopping etc.... Spend some quality time with her, as she's obviously feeling left out due to your youngest daughter. Do something like this every now and then. Also, later on, you could incorporate a trip with your youngest and it will make her feel like you dont just want to spend time with your youngest. Trips like this will make her enjoy the time she can have with her sister, without seeing her as a rival for your attention. I hope it helps!
2007-01-18 04:20:11 · answer #3 · answered by littleminnie1000 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey,
I would suggest that you make a promise to yourself that from this point on you will save on day a week for time spent with her only. Being the mother of three I know how daunting it can be but I have mapped out the week and always spend at least one hour with each child seperatly... My son who is 11 and I go to breakfast every Saturday morning, my daughter and I get TCBY once a week, ect... Also, ask questions and then listen- It is so hard but you have to zip up and listen to everything she says (even if you don't aggree or like it) it builds respect and she will then continue to trust that she can tell you things and share her life....
2007-01-18 04:21:26 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough situation but I can guarantee a lot of it is her age. Girls are especially disconnected from their mothers (vs. boys or girls W/ fathers) between 13 & 18. The best thing you can do is let her know you're there, maybe take a night and get a sitter for the youngest and the two of you do something together, and just let her know she's loved. She's probably jealous of your relationship with the youngest, thus, removes herself from you. Best of luck!
2007-01-18 04:20:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
my mom did this with my sister. find out what she hates and what she likes. then gradually do more stuff that she likes(not all of the time.And don't let to many things that she does slide if she does the wrong crap). then after 2-3 weeks hang out in the living groom or something more often and keep a conversation going (not about school people hate those conversations) and talk about what she likes (not all the time but most of the time) and then soon if you don't mess anything up (probably wont) you will be closer with your daughter and be able to hang out with her more often and stuff.
2007-01-18 04:24:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im 16, and my mom and i have drifted apart alot too, we have our good times and our bad. we fight a lot but when were not fighting were like best friends. maybe you could spend a day at the mall with her, or if you are in fight with her or something try to understand her point of view, because when my mom and i get into a fight, im always the first one to say im sorry even if were both equally at fault. and that gets really annoying. so if you find yourself in a fight with her be understanding and try not to fight back. i hope this helps.
2007-01-18 05:59:39 · answer #7 · answered by rebekah u 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i am 14 and i am in the boat where me and my mom were so close and when she had my lil sis everything drifted well it`s not actually your fault maybe she feels that she`s getting older and is in that stage. just try paying attention to your daughter and her desire and how she feel and just hang out with her more often. but the problem could also be that she feels that all you care about is her younger sibling and not her. all teens would love some attention!
2007-01-18 04:21:59 · answer #8 · answered by sheniqua c 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Spend as much time with her as possible. I'm the oldest by 10 years, of three girls. While my sisters were infants, my mom had me help her. Once my sisters grew older, my mom and I would do things together alone.
2007-01-18 06:22:13 · answer #9 · answered by crodriguez1010 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a regular "date" with her - spend the day getting your hair and nails done or go shopping or to a show or attraction she wants to see. Make it clear it's your day with her - no one else is invited unless SHE wants them to be. (for example her best friend and best friend's mom.) It may take a little time, but it should work out.
2007-01-18 04:21:40 · answer #10 · answered by zippythejessi 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋