After being with someone for 10 years what types of things do you do to keep things "rolling"?

Question

My husband and I have been together 10 years, 3 years married. One beautiful 19 month old son. We have a good marriage, just kind of boring. We dont do alot together, because we dont like to leave the baby with a sitter and we dont have many interesting conversations, just the normal hey how was your day, the baby did this today, or this bill came in the mail... etc... nothing too exciting, how do you keep spark without blowing your financial budget or being a crappy parent (what I mean by that is we dont want to start running bars or frequenting concerts tht will have us leaving our son overnight places alot or spending hundreds of dollars every weekend)

Answer 1

My wife and I have been married for almost 22 years. The spark in our marriage is brighter now than what it was when we first married. I suggest that you make time for each other. We have a weekly date. It may not be much, but at least we get away by ourselves for an hour or two. These dates don't have to be anything elaborate. A dinner, ice cream, a drive, a movie, etc. Every Friday is our date night. Our friends and children know better than to interupt or impose on our date night. Occassionally, we have to reschedule for another evening. Nothing keeps a marriage alive like quality time with your spouse.

I also suggest making sure that you do little things (or acts of service) where you expect nothing in return. Believe me, these acts of kindness/service will not go unnoticed. I try to do something for my wife each day that she does not expect me to do. Changing the wash around, clearing the table, making the bed, vacuuming the living room, buying chocolates, picking up after the children, putting the children to bed, etc.

These are just a couple of items. There is nothing wrong with becoming each other's friend and doing things to keep the friendship alive.

Answer 2

My husband and I have been together for 15 years and married for almost 7. We have 2 beautiful boys (5 and 13), and like you I do not like to leave them with a sitter to go out. I work 5 days a week, 9 hours a day...that's enough time away from my children.

But I do have to say that we have great conversations, and all of us see the humor in everything. When together - we goof around, sing and dance, play board games or watch videos. And we weren't always like this, we used to be grumpy, boring people a couple years ago.

Now, Out of nowhere, I'll walk into a room and just start dancing (no music or anything and I really can't dance good) my husband cracks up, jumps up and joins me, then the kids join in.

As for special times together, we wait until the kids are asleep. I found that the more humor we have in our everyday lives, the more romantic and fun our alone time is.

Answer 3

Look at your pictures from when you guys were dating. Spend half an hour at night (maybe 2 or 3 times a week) making a scrapbook of your baby and/ or old pictures. It's nice to reminisce about why you were in love with each other and why you decided to get married. Low cost yet highly effective. Do it together.

Or simply cook together, cook each other's favourite dish.

Leave little notes in wallets, write how you feel for each other. You dun have to be a poet to do that. Just a simple sentence like " You still leave butterflies in my stomach after all these years."

Shower together, give each other a back rub.

Learn a new language together and try bantering with each other in that new language. Shouldn't cost too much.

First 4 points could be done on low or no cost at all, even when Baby's around. Married couples often say they can't find time to do things together. They never would. They ought to MAKE TIME for each other.

Answer 4

I'm sorry but this preception that somehow you are a bad parent because you want to have an adult life is wrong. Your situation sounds so much like ours it is scary. And guess what, we realized that as adults you need to have fun too. Yes, you are allowed to have fun. You do not need to be mommy 100% of the time. It is okay to get a sitter, it is okay to spend some cash on fun stuff. Live again. The spark will come back once you take for yourselves.

Answer 5

My hubby and I have been married 12 yrs. Twice a month we leave our son with his aunt or grandmother and have date night, movie and dinner if we have the extra cash, or if we are low on cash, a walk around the mall and Primo Pizza or just a ride. Sometimes we just stay home and rent a movie and grill or cook. It doesnt matter what you do, just take some grown up time for yourself. This doesnt make you a crappy parent either...a happily married mom & dad is one of the best gifts a parent can give a child.

Answer 6

I ha vent been together with my spouse for ten years but it still is hard keeping things hot! If you have friends that you could swap out sitting there children for yours every couple weeks do that to save some money on a sitter. then just spending time together walking the mall or even going to a park and walking talking getting to know each other again! you don't have to spend money to have fun! as long as you are together that's all that matters. also my husband and i like to slap each others butt's not all the time just when we walk next to each other or walking by the other.
good luck

Answer 7

Bless you for wanting to have a good relationship with your child but keep in mind that you also need to make time for each other. Perhaps a good way to be with each other and not take time away from your son is to do something when he is sleeping, since you don't believe in babysitters. Maybe you could do something that you used to do when you first met such as cook a nice dinner for him and eat it by the fireplace (of you have one) or light candles. And then cook his favourite dessert. I haven't been married as long as you have but I think something like this is what personally I would enjoy. I hope that helps you, at least a little.

Answer 8

When we decided to get married - 36 yrs ago - we had a long list of common interests, besides a healthy sexual appetite for each other.

And now, that's keeping us going strong. We enjoy doing a lot of things - some totally cheap/free and some costing a little $$ - but its all about being together. That's all.

Answer 9

Come up with new and fun ideas for romance and sex... Role playing is fun too.... Have a fun night in the bedroom with candles and romantic music and buy some sex toys for fun... You can stay at home and do this especially when the baby is sleeping.

Answer 10

See my answer to someone else's question on how to spice things up. Titled "Girls~ what do you do if....?".