how to rebuild a marriage after someone cheats?

Question

my wife had an affair,she thought i did not love her anymore and she met someone on line(an old friend) he played apon the weakness in our marriage and sweettalked her then they met while she was away and she slept with him. I have always loved my wife we both just got caught up in life we are trying to work things out she knows he was just a fantasy and ended things but what she did is eating at me we are trying so hard to rebuild but im so messed up now im afraid i will also screw things up i need some help with ideas to put this behind us.i feel like i want to beat his *** for trying to break up my family and praying on my wife in her time of weakness. i admit i am 50% at fault for screwing up my marriage please please someone help me if someone has advise they dont want to share on here write me at [e-mail] or share your comment here
thats to all of you for helping

Answer 1

Marraige is built on trust and faith in each other. The fact that you both contributed to the problems which you are experiencing just tells me that you are both human and these things happen often in many marriages. Most marriages have rough spots and rocky points but it does not mean things cannot be mended in some fashion if both parties are willing and able to work things out. This is the basis for restoring the marriage. Are you willing to do what is necessary to repair the marriage and is she willing also? Do you still love her enough to do what is necessary to make the marraige work? Is she still in love with you to the same point? Then you must work tegether to fix what is wrong and go on with your lives and be happy in the process. You both need to go into it with new energy and a deeper love and appreciation for each other and please do not take each other for granted. Communicate with each other and don't let your feelings be misunderstood.

Answer 2

You and your wife have only yourselves to blame for this, so stop blaming somebody else. Regardless of what was going on in the marriage, your wife should not have sought comfort from a stranger. She's a grown woman and she should have known better than that. If she thought you didn't love her, she should have spoken to you about it. And if you did love her, you should not have gotten so "caught up in life" that you forgot about your wife.

Your wife made a very foolish mistake; be glad it wasn't a fatal one. Even though he was supposedly an "old friend," this online lover could have been a murderer, or he could have infected your wife with AIDS. Who knows what this guy has been up to? Be thankful your wife is alive and move on.

Instead of trying to rebuild something that obviously wasn't there, build a strong relationship based upon mutual love and respect. Start by placing blame where it belongs: your wife should have used better sense, and you should have been a better husband. Start there to build a better marriage.

Answer 3

Hey- I have sailed that ship, but I am the wife. Not only that but I thought my husband didn't love me either and the guy was extremely manipulating. But I have to tell you the love and trust comes back 10 times stronger and she will always look at you as the best man in the world showing her that you love her nomatter what. She will never do it again and will probally always feel low and inadequate but that is just what she will feel. I do know it is hard. Time is what it takes-sorry. I also think my husband should have left me-but he chose not to. I would have left me-weakness preying or not. It was and is still wrong. But if you want to work it out Don't forget to TALK. Don't stop, talk everyday and take time on communicating feelings. Don't forget to hug and hold her, that will help. The feelings need to get out and not be buried. If you want more:[e-mail] You can talk to my husband too, he's been where you are!!!

Answer 4

Honey speaking from experience once the trust is gone its gone and its almost impossible to get back. My ex done me the same way and I forgave him the first time and tried but it was never the same. Mine also was the type that had the attitude hey she forgave me once i'm sure she will do it again. This little cycle of (I'm so sorry won't happen again) got to be to repetitive. Finally I was tired of being miserable so I filed and paid for my own divorce. Glad I did it took some time but I can honestly say that now I am very happy. Good luck and i hope u are able to have a happy ending.

Answer 5

I can't believe how you are defending her. What a joke. Dude, she the one who contacted him, she is the one who opened her legs. You make it sound like he was forcing her somehow. SHE'S THE ONE WHO SCREWED UP HERE NOT HIM. It's her fault. She said yes. Once you realize that and she does too, then you can start rebuilding. Rebuilding trust takes YEARS. Trust is rebuilt through actions not words. If anything seems even a little out of the ordinary you can expect an explaination with out any hard feelings from her. She is now your slave.

Answer 6

If you want to save your marriage you need to truly forgive and move on. This is much easier said than done. Whatever you do, don't go out and have a one-night stand. I had a friend do this, and their marriage fell apart immediately after that. Go to counseling for a while to talk things out with someone, have date nights with your wife to get re-connected, and remember the importance of your family and your marriage. Keep the long term goal of getting your marriage back on track. Don't lose sight of that goal with the little things that are eating you up.Give yourself time to heal. Time helps everything.

Answer 7

My first thought is that you don't. Someone violated a trust, and that trust cannot be repaired 100%, no matter how hard you try.

You are not 50% at fault for sleeping with someone else. You are at 0%. You both are at fault for not talking about things and getting beyond your grievances.

Seek outside professional help. I would not go back to her, and I would tell the other guy that she's single again. Your kids WILL be hurt either way, whether you force yourselves to stay together or separate now.

Answer 8

I went through the same thing in my marriage about 4 years ago. It was a very hard thing to get over but the one thing it took most of all was time. You have the right to be angry and hurt and to feel everything else you feel. Just because you want things to work out doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel them. Your wife let herself do something she knew was wrong and now she has to deal with the outcome of that. But, if you both are willing to work on things,remember to talk with each other about everything, and don't forget your love for each other again then you should be fine. Just remember not to throw it up in her face she will be doing that to herself enough. hope i helped :)

Answer 9

the real problem here is trust. I've been in your shoes and it's going to take a lot of understanding (for her as well as for yourself) and commitment. Try to take things one day at the time, go slow, and most important, do not torture yourself with those stupid little images you get in your head. It really is a good idea to start anew.
Make as if you are just starting to court each other, give yourselves time, do new things together, go to different places that the ones you used to. It's going to take a lot of time, but if you both are commited, and have identified the reasons why, there's little chance of not succeeding.
And please, even if you feel you can't take it any more, don't mention anything that could hurt you or her. You'll have to learn to swallow words (and pride), but yes, you'll make it if you want to. Good luck!

Answer 10

u will have some trust issues for awhile, and expect to have some anger involved, anyone would. but i know your mad at the man, but u can't excuse her from her part in it. think we teach others how to treat us, so maybe u need to tell her how much this has hurt u. sometimes we do get busy with our lives, and the other person feels neglected and unloved, but u can't go outside the marriage to fix what's wrong in the marriage. just get some counseling. there will be trust issues, but if u both are sincere, and u know where u went wrong, than good for u, and it's wonderful u have this happy ending and your wife is very lucky to have such an understanding hubby, who loves her unconditionally. don't go near the other man, as it's just your ego that got hurt by him, and that he stole something that belonged to u. good luck