My wife won't cook! What the heck?! How do I get her to start doing her job?

Question

We've been married about 10 months, she works mostly part time, and I work about 60 hours a week. When I come home, I expect dinner to be ready, not to walk in and see her sittin on the couch watchin TV. Atleast cook 3 days a week! Is that so much to ask?? When she HAS cooked (about 3 times in 10 months), its canned food, or something microwaveable.

What the heck?? I want a nice dinner for once.

LADIES- When did you realize that it was your duty to cook?

GUYS- How did you force your wives to start cooking?

Answer 1

I AM A WOMAN SO IT'S OKAY TO TAKE MY ADVICE
I hope you're serious, because this is a serious answer.
I happen to be a woman who thinks that it IS the woman's job to take care of the home, i.e. cooking (Titus 2:3-5) I do not know if you are Christians, but this is from a Christian's viewpoint.

1) You might could approach the subject a little more diplomatically. You really are a brut. If you married her knowing that she didn't cook, that might be a little your fault. But people can change. If you haven't told her lovingly that you would like home-cooked meals instead of throw-togethers, that would be a start. Buy her a little something that you know she would like and tell her how much you love her. Then tell you that you would like some cookin' from her own lovin' hands. You're a man. You won her, now you've got to muster up the love and charm that you used to get her order to get her to see things your way.
2) It sounds to me like you might have more of a marriage problem than anything else. Such as-your wife isn't sure of her role and what part she is to play. She may have never been taught by her mom that a man expect homemade meals, good lovin', respect, honor, etc. (You may not have been taught by your dad the things your wife would need.) You can have a good marriage (and get the things you want) but you will have to do somet work as well.
3) This website is an article that might help you understand her a little more. http://www.nogreaterjoy.org The article is called Memoirs of a Young Married Man (the whole link wouldn't work on here, so you'll have to look it up)
4) The above website has an AMAZING book that teaches women how to be better wives, mothers, etc. Even if you're not Christians she could learn a lot (if she's willing to be taught). The book is Created to Be His Helpmeet. I was causing a lot of trouble in our marriage because I didn't know what my husband expect. This book SAVED MY MARRIAGE. You may not think that your marriage is that bad (it's just the cooking) but this book can help.
5) They also have a cassette tape that you might want to order called "For Men Only" that tells you what your role is. She does need your understanding.
6)Get her a crock pot. Then she can find some recipes online. You just put something in there and let it cook for hours (while she's watching television).
7) Bookmark this website because you will want to go back again and again and read about marriage, children, etc.
http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/

Answer 2

Did you check with her before you both got married to see if she had the same philosophy of marriage as you? If she doesn't feel it's her duty as a wife to cook and clean and take care of the kids (which I see nothing wrong with being a traditional wife) then you are just in for a TON of huge arguments. If she agreed to cook for you before you got married though then she needs to hold up her end of the bargain. Otherwise, I don't think she is ever going to come to realize that it is her duty to cook dinner. Even if you want a traditional type of marriage or family, there is nothing wrong with you giving too.

You CANT and shouldn't force her to start cooking - that is a controlling thing to do and will only give HER more ammo against you. You should have a nice conversation and try to be non-accusing and help her to understand how important this is to you and how it shows you that she loves you and wants to be with you.

Answer 3

I can see that you are an educated person by the way you express yourself, however you are ignorant in the way you treat people. Your wife is trying her hardest to maintain a household, children, and a relationship with someone who feels they should be the center of the universe. I don't think you are manipulative, I think you are just full of yourself. You should be thanking God you found someone who would put up with your bs for so long. How dare you say see is a failure as a mother just because she does not kiss your a** on a daily basis. Perhaps if she could stay home, and not work, then she would have more energy to be the wife you desire. Frankly if I were your wife (thank God I am not) I would have left you a long time ago!

Answer 4

1) it is not the woman's duty to do anything in a marriage. when she does something it is because she wants to do it, not because she's been forced into a position of being subserviant.
2) s'matta you can't cook?
3) talk to her, geesh. don't holler. tell her the kinds of meals you like to eat. does she know how to cook?
4) once the both of you have agreed on the types of meals to eat, go grocery shopping together
5) take one day a week end to cook for the up and coming week. do this by cooking a huge pot of chili, putting it in small containers, leave one in the 'fridge and freeze the rest.
6) repeat step 5 at least 2 more times on that one day. do a roast, cut in half or thirds, put it in plastic bags and freeze it. etc.
7) by doing steps 5 & 6 - time during the week is saved. each evening your vegetables and side dishes would be freshly prepared. nuke chili or roast or whatever the main dish is.

got it? team work, always team work in a marriage. no one person is in charge in a marriage.

Answer 5

First, never tell your wife (or any woman) it's her "duty" to cook for you. That is, of course, assuming you want to eat. Women have seperated themselves from the idea that their place is barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen.

Second, I like recommending a book called Five Love Languages. Husbands and Wifes are more likely to do things for thier spouse when they feel loved and appreciated. I'm not saying you love your wife, but like foreign languages, women and men only interrupt it as such when it's something they understand. For example, cooking and cleaning would let you know your wife loves you. For you wife, it may be you doing some housework as well, buying her a small gift, spending some time with her, etc.

To answer your question, how to get her to cook for you. Does she know how to cook? It's a good question. Maybe she's afraid of disappointing you if the meal doesn't turn out right or she burns it. Try talking to her about, maybe get some receipe books for, let her know what y our favorite meals are... You might even try on a weekend when you don't have to work cooking a meal together.

Answer 6

First off its not a woman's "job" to cook for you. All responsiblities in a marriage should be equally shared. Maybe you should talk to her and set a schedule of who is going to cook on what day, and don't even start that you work too many hours to cook. My husband and I are both soldiers, thats at least 12 hour days 7 days a week and we still have a schedule, and lastly if you don't like what she cooks, cook for yourself

Answer 7

It is not my duty to cook . . I understand that you are working really hard . . .but it is not her duty. . .

Although she should be doing something productive with her time off. . . have you communicated with her and come up with an understanding on what you expect from each other ? That would be a start .

But it is definitely not set in stone anywhere that a woman has to be the one to cook- it is not her job!!!

Answer 8

You need to think of girls as cats- YOU don't OWN HER SHE OWNS you. And don't forget it, or find a girl who isn't that way they are far and few between. SHe will cook when she feels like it. You can't force her, you can only ask. If you ask her in the right way like- It makes me feel great and happy when I come home to a meal you made. It lets me know you were thinking of me all day and missing me. Then maybe she will see that that makes you feel good. If she thinks she needs to do it as a requirement she will be angry and resentful towards the "JOB". But if you approach it the right way she will learn to love the "JOB" Especially if you thank her and show that you SEE it when it IS done for you.

Answer 9

As a lady, I've never considered cooking my "duty" - and I've never heard of a man who could actually force his wife to cook. If there's a problem here - and I'm not certain cooking or not cooking is the real problem - try talking with your wife as someone you love and respect, instead of someone you expect to "do her duty". Her part in this marriage is not to live up to your expectations, any more that your part is to live up to hers. Try talking with, not talking to - and that means both of you listening as well.

Speak with love and respect; you may be surprised how delicious your meals become!

Answer 10

Duty???? Excuse me????? We choose to cook because we want to and because it is not our duty.... If you can cook then by all means do it and offer to help her cook and encourage her by helping her and not forcing her.... You are mean and why dont you bring home take out like Chinese once in a while and share it with her and be thankful for what she does do around the house.... Stop being mean to her and love her for who she is and what she does bring to this marriage and stop being so selfish and self centered.