Trying to be Happy for her?

Question

I had a misscarriage in July and took it really hard as I'm sure everyone else has. It just seemed that everyone called me to tell me they are pregnant right after it happened. Im happy for my best friend knowing that they have been trying for years...but another friend where we would have been due days apart I find I'm not truely happy for (she has no clue thank god) she said it was a mistake and they weren't even trying, so I feel jelous that someone who was not trying is having special gift. How do I get over this.

Answer 1

this is a hard 1. the same thing happened to me, me and my sister were pregnant at the same time but sadly i lost mine and had to listen to her going on and on bout her " mistake" and how she hated being pregnant etc,
i got so angry why did i lose mine and hers be ok? which now seems horrible but you are grieving and time does heal, the hardest thing for me was when the baby was born i cried for days, i had to avoid family members coz all they went on about was my sisters baby and didn't seem to understand why i was upset and not happy for her, my baby was due not long after hers so it hurt coz it was a reminder that my baby was gone.
but i did fall pregnant again a few months later and although i still hurt over the baby i lost i have moved on
time is a great healer. try to be there for your friend but if it really is to hard be honest with her, you care etc but need time to get over your loss.
x x x x

Answer 2

Look I do think it was rude of each of your friends with the way you said they approached things, and no matter what you do or try to do and feel this is going to be an akward(sp) time for you and maybe you should just lay low alittle bit as far as going around these situations or lives and phone calls just because they really dont sounds like friends anyways and if they are they'll be around when your better. People only know there own experiences and cant learn about things until they go thru them so its like Jesus said they know not what they do, and thats the kind of attitude you need to look at them with to be able to accept the ignorance. I'm just trying to say reguardless of why or how they achieve pregnancy and under what circumstances try not to judge and just be happy or its ok to be like mono tone about it just dont say anything you know if you cant say anything nice, just dont comment or try to stay away from the subject as much as possible and maybe they'll kinda get the hint or realize what jerks there being. Also things in life like babies happen to you when you ready for it and when you time is right so to speak, so maybe the time isnt right for you I mean look at it you are emotionally not doing well and thats something you need when you have the baby you need to be at one with yourself and the situation so maybe when all these situations around you and with yourself pass by then you'll be ready you know, I know you dont want to hear it but your definately not going to conceive if your not realxed thats like the biggest key and keep it to, and you've heard a watched pot never boils thats what goes on when people want to get pregnant its happens when you quit thinking about it so much, hay good luck Kim

Answer 3

I am in the same boat as you are. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost a year now with no luck. Everyone of my best friends got pregnant and two people i work with and my brothers wife. I know exactly how you feel. you want to be happy for them but you simply can't. I couldnt talk to my best friend for a week after she had her baby. i felt horrible and i couldnt believe she could have one but I couldnt. It is really hard to get over it and i dont think you really can. I just pretend to be happy for them and it usually works for me. When I talk to them I just try to stay off the topic of babies. Which can be hard cuz it always seems they are trying to make you jealous. All I can tell you is to try not to let it get you down and if you talk to them is try to avoid talking about their babies or their pregnancy. I

Answer 4

I totally understand why you are feeling this way. I had a miscarriage in Sept 05 and still had to go to the same doc for my follow up. Being in that waiting room with all those pregnant women was a terrible feeling. I couldnt help but feel angry and jealous. Try not to be around them so much. They should understand why and if they don't you'll just have to tell them.

Answer 5

First, I'm sorry about your loss. I felt the same way about my best friend. My hubby and I had tried for so long and then all of a sudden she was. I was SO jealous of her but I wanted to be happy for her because she was my best friend. It was hard at first. I got mad whenever her or her husband would talk about it. But I eventually got over it. I was excited because it would pretty much be my baby but I could go home and sleep in peace at the end of the night.

Answer 6

It's totally understandable for you to feel this way. For quite some time it seemed I couldn't get pregnant, and every time I heard someone else was expecting, or every time I saw a baby, I'd get upset.

My best advice for you is don't make yourself feel guilty for grieving. You need to let yourself feel that way. You don't need to jump up and down with excitement for her. A simple congratulations is more than enough.

Answer 7

Accept that it didnt happen and try to be truly happy for your friend. Try again to get pregnant. Best of luck.