what can i expect when i become a newlywed?

Question

I am getting married on august 25th of this year and i am very affraid of what to expect out of a brand new marriage but alot of arguing and sexin the beginning

Answer 1

Interesting that you asked this as an "Arts & Humanities" Question. And appropriate. For a good marriage is the finest of fine arts and the most human of the humanities.

But NOT arguing -- it's deciding. Just remember, whatever your relationship has been, the first year of marriage is a year of firsts. Each decision you make you are now making with someone else. First out of town trip as a married couple. First monthly bills as a married couple. First shopping trip as a married couple. First bad winter day. First dinner party. First picnic in the park with friends. First crisis in your spouse's work. First crisis in your work. First move to another apartment. First yard work in the spring. Every little decision is a new decision 'cause you two are now one. So don't quarrel; don't argue. (I don't remember any of that at all.) Just decide. Together.

Now, I go back to the olden days. Things are very different now, and I'm not so sure they're all that better. In those days, marriage meant first sex (well, almost -- the first real sex). Now that was so exciting, everything else seemed secondary. 'Way secondary!

Then after ten months (minus a week), as we were driving to the hospital for the birth of our son, I felt a moment of resentment -- a real pang. For that first year had been so rich and full that I didn't look forward to an intruder. Two had become one, and one was enough.

But, you know what, that lasted maybe five minutes. Then there was another first. Our first child. Instantaneous bonding. And two had become three!

Through all the years we have laughed together, we have worried together; we have worked together, we have grieved together; we have grown up together and grown old together; we have learned together and taught together, feasted together and dieted together, sung together and slept together.

And, guess what! Every year is another year of firsts. Of deciding together. The first grandchild. The first serious illness. The first day of retirement. The first trip to visit that first son, who now lives on the other side of the globe. Now we reminisce together, and (regrettably) we forget together. We forget where we put the remote control, where we put the cell phone, where we put the keys, somebody's name (OK, almost everybody's name, on occasion), which bills we've paid, that we had tickets to see The Lion King! Oh well . . . .

So look forward to every day of every year. (If you don't, rethink this first decision you've made together.)

What to expect out of a brand new marriage? A lot of sex (oh, yeah!). A lot of deciding (oh, yeah, that too!) And a whole lot of firsts.

Answer 2

Congrats! I'm getting married on September 29th!

Most of my friends are already married, so I'll tell you what they have told me...First of all, you're right about the sex part, but not necessarily about the arguing. That's not to say that you'll never argue - you will and you should (it's always best to argue about something than to keep it inside).

If you already live with the person you are about to marry, as I do, not much will change. If you will be living together only after the wedding, it will take a bit more work. People often make the mistake of thinking that marriage is easy, but it actually takes a lot of work and compromise (this is something I actually learned when my fiance and I first moved in together). If you're living together for the first time, you will both discover the small things that may or may not bother you, but you'll both also learn to accept them because you love each other. One important thing you should do is to give each other your own space from time to time...it's never a good idea to be around someone constantly - no matter how much you love them.

Try to keep in mind that marriage is a wonderful thing. You will always have your best friend nearby - not to mention a live-in sex partner!

Answer 3

Have you taken the time to get to know your mate? If so, then you know some things already, like favorites, dislikes, likes, needs and wants. Hopefully they will match your own somewhat. Knowing the person well is necessary for a conversationally open marriage. My girlfriend had that same feeling and she did great after talking with her obgyn.

Arguing need not be a problem to worry about, of course that doesn't mean there won't be arguments. Just be open and try to work out your problems right away before they grow bigger.

The sex should always be mutual, and after the initial first few times, you will grow more comfortable with it. That is if you have never had sex before. Both of you should take your time and enjoy yourselves. The love you share will ultimately be your guide in this matter. You should get a checkup and talk to your doctor also about any concerns you have.

If there are problems that you can't seem to talk out, seek professional counseling right away. That way the problems are out in the open and ready to be worked on. Go into this with love and acceptance and you should be just fine.

I hope this helps some, I am no therapist, just someone with experience. Congrats on the marriage and may God bless you both with much happiness!

Answer 4

After 18 years of being happily married to my best friend, there are 3 things I'd pass on to you:

1) Whatever happens, you are on your partner's side. Your partner is more important then anyone else and you each support each other whatever problems or troubles arise. Remember that two together are stronger than one.
2) Don't keep score. Sometimes she's harder to live with, sometimes he is. Sometimes he doesn't do her share of X, sometimes she doesn't. Don't sweat the small stuff, it usually all evens out. Taking care of each other is the most important thing.
3) At least once a week, think about what you can do to make your partner happier that day, then do it. It doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive or take a lot of time. Write a short poem for him/her; get her/him breakfast in bed; surprise him/her with an unexpected hug; put a note in his/her lunch bag or briefcase; phone just to say I love you.

I wish you both a long and happy life together.

Answer 5

I have been married for three months so far and life is pretty much the same the only difference or new problem has been-
money that hole what's mine is yours and yours is mine thing is hard to get used to. Although, we did live together before so we were very comfortable with each other. Just remember your wedding day is something that solidifies your commitment on paper and your get to have a big party! lay some boundaries and talk about money or other issues that you think could be a problem and create a plan for when it does.

This is a really great time for you!!! Enjoy every minute of your planning and wedding! Congrats!

Answer 6

You can expect a lot of changes, after this your life will never be the same. Just remember, the key to any kind of relationship lasting is communication. Hope things work out well for you, when the going gets tough hang in there! Also hope you have some fun along the way to discovering each other.

Answer 7

It's normal to be scared, this is a big change. My best advice is to remember to keep your own interests and spend some time away from each other.....this goes for the other person too. Just because you are getting married, doesn't mean that you are inseperable. As for what to expect, it all depends on how long you've been together. Eventually everyone stops being on their best behavior and stops trying to impress you or "court" you. But if you've been together for a few years anyway, you know that already. It's not that they are mean, they just don't try as hard.

Answer 8

Have you heard the old saying...It's all downhill once you get married? Well that's not true. You make your marriage what you want it to be. Yes, it may be hard in the beginning with the transition, but start and end each day with a kiss. Never go to bed mad at each-other. Make sure you and your spouse has a budget in place. One of the hardest things to manage is your finances when there is two of you. Most couples fight over sex and money. Manage your money correctly and give yourself completely to your spouse and you will have many many happy years to grow old with each-other.

Answer 9

Have you ever thought of getting some time with couples that have been married for 50 or more years?
How about pre-marital counseling?
Most people would do more research on a vacation spot they are spending a week in than a marriage!

Answer 10

You got that right! A lot of arguing and sex AT THE BEGINNING then when you awake from the love fantasy you will wish you were still a newlywed! Wish I could say it gets better, but usually does not. Best of luck to you!