Waking someone from a nightmare?

Question

This morning, very early, my fiance was having an apparently vivid nightmare about his duty in Vietnam. He was talking and twitching and tossing around. I wasn't sure how to wake him. I know that he has a history of PTSD, but he has never had a nightmare about his service since I have known him (nine months).

I got very close and kind of blocked his legs with my own and then placed my hand firmly on his arm. I expected that he would wake scared and might try to hurt me because he wouldn't remember where he was and might think that I would hurt him in that few seconds between sleep and waking fully.

He did startle badly and turned over quickly, grabbing my hand and arm hard before coming around. His heart was beating fast and he was a little sweaty, but coherent.

I left him quietly to get ready for work and when I left he was soundly asleep again, so I just gave him a kiss on the head and left without waking him.

More details below.............

Is anyone out there a military veteran with combat experience who might be able to tell me the best way to wake him from this type of nightmare trauma?

Do I go home tonight and ask him to tell me about it in detail or should I wait and see if he wants to discuss it?

Any other useful information about PTSD and nightmares?

Thanks so much! I just don't want him to dwell on it or hurt about it, but I want him to know that I was worried and am worried. I love him and care very deeply about his mental health. I should mention too that he has had YEARS of counseling with enormous benefit and long-lasting friends from this group of individuals. Should I refer him to them. I'd rather try to help myself first, but I don't know what to do or say to make it better. Is listening enough?

Answer 1

i am not a combat veteran but have suffered with ptsd due to other traumatic issues....
personally when i have nightmares i don't like to talk about them, some-how it makes it worse.....so i'd suggest just saying "do you want to talk about it?" and if he does, let him lead the conversation and if he doesn't then drop it
personally i don't wake people from nightmares unless they are disturbing my own sleep....nightmares are unpleasant, but personally (just my opinion) i think they serve a purpose....but if some-one were making noise or moving alot i'd wake them with a nudge
and it sounds like your boyfriend has a lots of support from people with experience....i'm sure you want to help, but that's not your "role" and you're not really qualified to cure him.....just be the loving girlfriend you are and listen if he needs it...other than that-it's not your battle
good luck

Answer 2

Well to be honest,

my mother suffers from many issues, psycological.

and i am the mother of 3 boys.


What i used to do, and it seems to help alot.

Is I sing in a sweet song to start off with and then i will wake them, it relaxes them and if you keep humming it until they talk first they'll relax, and feel safe and comfortable.

But the real trick is to try and sing it each night before sleeping, so he gets used to the song,

i alway hum because i don't have the greatest singing voice.

and I rub arms and backs

so when you do this your establishing a comfort zone and he'll subconsciencely respond to it.

it works every time, and when he wakes you just gather him into your arms like a baby, and rub his back or arm and continue to hum him back to sleep

and it really works, try it.

but the key is don't tell him this is why. just make it a part of your routine.

let us know what happens.

good luck

Meg

Ps I alway hum the very same song.

and it relaxes my entire family when i hum it. please don't listen to what everyone is saying, I have been dealing with mental issues my entire life. 35 years or more. trust me, he doesn't want to talk about it or he may not even remember what it was he dreamed of , just try to gently get throught to him and give him a comfort Zone. it will work and it helps in diffrent stress areas.

Music tames the savage beast.!-
I heard this as a child once and never forgot it.

Answer 3

Hi there.
Try this site for extra info... http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/facts/general/fs_what_is_ptsd.html
The only thing I can say, as Im not experienced in this sort of thing, but I do know, when someone is having a nightmare, it is a healing process, you should leave him to go through it. It is hard and not a nice sight, but it isn't good to wake them, it could harm you and themselves. Its wonderful that he has a caring and loving wife-to-be... congratulations on that! All the best!

Answer 4

Wake the person up quickly. Even though I've been to war and back, I've never had nightmares. Maybe I enjoyed the madness or it doesn't affect me too badly. Waking someone up slowly may frighten them. They must see your face and hear your voice.

Answer 5

my hubby has been to Iraq so i can understand the whole concept of them seeing horrible things and having nightmares....never ever wake him again! i mean never...he could start having night terrors where he is awake and he might hurt you by accident..when they are sleeping like that and it happens they are ready for attack that is why they sweat and make sounds and stuff..in a war zone they are told be stay alive..kill...stay alert...just stay in your bed and be quiet or go to the other room....but never ever wake him again