insight into behavior?? why does my husband "correct" me??

Question

i'm hoping some-one can shed some light on this behavior....
my husband frequently "corrects" me on how to do basic things....
for example this morning i was sweeping the floor and he takes the broom and proceeds to school me on the proper way to sweep...in the past i've recieved lessons on how to make a cup of coffee and how to fold t-shirts, among other things.....i am confident that i am not inept at performing these duties (i have worked as a house-cleaner, worked in a clothing store, and ran a cofee bar.....)....i understand that we all have our own preferred methods for performing certain tasks......but personally if i am picky about how something is done, i do it myself instead of trying to bend the other person to my will......

why does he do this?????

Answer 1

Your husband is basically a "control freak". They seem to think that things should be done only one way....theirs. Considering your background you should be adept at your tasks and don't need his help. If he wants things done a certain way, by all means he should do them that way. I don't really think it has to do with what your doing correctly or not. I think the issue is with him and he needs to relax, it's insulting and he's treating you like you are two and that is disrespectful and not to mention demeaning and rude. He needs help. I his head he probably thinks he's "helping" you when it's actually quite the opposite.

Answer 2

Some people are just know-it-alls. You probably love this when he actually knows something you don't, but when he's an expert broom jockey despite not picking up a broom in the past year, I can see where that gets annoying. I guess the big question is--does he think he is actually being helpful, or is he being critical and a control freak?

As for how to correct it, I see two ways--either get upset the way you did here--basically ask him if he thinks you are stupid or what. This can be done with the eyes as easily as with the mouth. The other (and probably better) way is to pretend that you don't get it. Continuously fail to understand the proper method of floor sweeping until he has demonstrated on the whole floor. Repeat as necessesary until he gives up on your 'education'.

Answer 3

I don't know how long you've been married but this is classic controlling behavior. I'll bet he also wants to know about every penny you spend and where you spend it. Who you talk to and where you go for every minute of every day. He is obviously very controlling. He either needs to get a grip - and realize that "his way" is not the only way to accomplish something or you are going to have a miserable life. My sister was married to someone like that. When she vacuumed to floor he had to see the stripes on the floor going a certain way or she would have to do it again so she learned to do it just b4 he returned from work and couldn't walk across the floor until he saw it. She divorced him after 8 years of it.

Answer 4

If he can sweep the floor better than you perhaps he should just do it from now on.

I could say alot of rude things about your husband correcting you - because no married woman should have to be patronized like that. It's demeaning and should not be tolerated.

The reason he does it is maybe because he is obsessive. You need to have a talk with him and ask him why he does it - secondly, you need to ask him to get some therapy.

If neither of those things work - a slap usually does the trick from my own experiences.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Bad sign. He is a control freak with an inferiority complex. In controlling you he feels more superior. You are letting him do it. He is treating you like a child and he gets off on thinking he does everything right and knows better. A;so, there is a part of him that is enjoying making you feel inadequate. Put a stop to it now before you are being told to carry a pager so he can keep track of you and he starts making decisions on what the right way to spend your money is. Seriously, you need to tell him to stop and if it doesn't you are in for problems.

Answer 6

Agree with the control freak type answers, but in addition he is a detail oriented person and gets his confidence and sense of self-worth from his organization and attention to detail. He probably would benefit from some counseling to just be able to let it go if he isn't doing it.

From now on, tell him that if he corrects you on something, he has to do it, and that if he wants you to help out, he needs to stop. Do it consistently, if his behavior doesn't modify, at least you get him to do some chores.

Answer 7

Very simple reason. Your husband has control issues. It's his way or the highway. Also, he does not view you as an equal or a partner, but rather as a child to be properly schooled in his ways.

Couples counseling may help you learn to cope with his behavior, but he will NOT change. In order for him to alter his controlling behavior, he will need therapy. If he's willing to go, great. If not, you married him knowing his personality. So you will have to decide if you can accept it all of your life.

Answer 8

What! Are we married to the same man??? All the above and when I'm cooking, how high the temperature should be, driving ( he gets all the tickets, I've never gotten one} You name it, he's got a "correction"...The other day I got so irritated my general answer now is " Practice what you preach" Man...I'm loosing patience, and really getting selective hearing with him. Possible strike in the midst. Oh...I know this didn't help an, but maybe if you don't feel like the only one with a man like this, that'll help some. I wish us luck...hey..if you come up with a solution, let me know.

Answer 9

It sounds like he has odd behavior habits, he expresses the way he would do it......and if I were you, I would have a discussion with him, and let him know the next "lesson" he starts with you, he can finish the job. Or sometime, you can give him a lesson on something, to prove a point.....it might end in a fight, but might also get the point across.

Perhaps growing up, it's the way his parents taught him how to do things....did/dose he have fairly strict/conservative parents? Most traits people have they learn.

Answer 10

Because he's a completely anal control freak and he will only get worse.
He either needs behavior modification or counselling.
The next time he's going to "show you how you need to do this", drop the shirt, iron, dishes, laundry, broom, mop, toilet scrubber and say "then you do it" and leave.
I mean it, LEAVE THE HOUSE. No argument, no yelling, just a simple "Then you do it". You wont have to do this more than twice---and if you DO, then you need to DUMP THIS CONTROL FREAK!