I am 40 with two children (divorced) and he is 47 (divorced). We have been together for 2 years, living together most of that time. The problem: whenever I bring up marriage, or even a long (2-3 year) engagement, he resists. His rejection hurts me and he feels I am pressuring him. His words were "just let it happen". We discussed this at Christmas - I told him that I'd like a ring. He said "No, you want an engagement ring and I don't want to give you any false hope". That sounded pretty much like "never" to me, but he says "I took it the wrong way". Huh??? I feel that he is "milking the cow" and it is now time for him to "man-up" and either make a commitment or I need to find a man who has similar plans for their future. I found an apartment yesterday - he says "I can't believe you are up and leaving because I won't tell you I'll marry you!". I know this sounds pathetic, but what are the chances of him seeking me out for a committment after I am gone and how long should I wait?
2007-01-18 02:01:22 · 11 answers · asked by tajmya1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Moooooooo
2007-01-18 02:08:50 · answer #1 · answered by FF Geek 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sad to say... it seems likely that you might have to wait till the end of time as he most probably will never be able to commit.
perhaps, he is afraid of the committments he has to tie himself down with.
you have to be thankful that he has been very honest about this and did not give you any false hope.
many pple are eager and ready to love after a fall
but
not many are eager and ready to commit after a failure.
and perhaps to him living together is more or less "committed" why must there be additional "paperwork/promises".
let him knows that because he is not ready to discuss marriage & engagement... he makes u confused. it is not that you are pathetic but you cant possibly wait for another 4-5 years till he is ready to commit. what you need is obviously different from him.
unless you are willing to compromise on this marriage issue... if not... i think you should move on...
2007-01-18 04:38:28 · answer #2 · answered by alibaba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why you are in such a hurry to get married. You have only been together for 2 years. If he is not ready then you shouldn't force him to marry you. That is a lifelong decision and he obviously ins't ready to take that step yet. If he marries you because you leave then he is going to resent you for it. I don't understand why you would throw away a relationshiop over a marriage certificate. All it is is a piece of paper. It dosen't change your relationship or your feelings. I think you are making a mistake if you leave. Maybe you should just wait and let it happen in its own time. I would hate to think I had to force someone to marry me. Good luck!
2007-01-18 02:27:01 · answer #3 · answered by angie a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
marriage isn't all that, if u are happy with him except for the fact he doesn't want to get married, than i would drop it for now, u may move away and not meet anyone else as good as him. don't let ego or pride enter into it, if he is good to u, than keep talking to him, no ultimatums. at age 40 the choices aren't like they were when we were younger, u may leave this one and find there isn't anything out there, as good as what u got. so think twice about it, as we get older we sometimes have to settle for less, as the pickings out there are slim after we reach a certain age. we aren't exactly young anymore, or as beautiful as we once were. if u got a good man u have alot more Than some do, and if u leave him did u consider there is someone else out there just waiting to snag him up.
2007-01-18 05:01:54 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heck, I'd leave too!
At least you have enough self respect to attempt moving on if this selfish azz wont make a commitment....its not like he is 20 years old or something. At this point in his life he is MORE than old enough to know what he wants. And YOU need the space and opportunity to find someone else, if marriage is what you are looking for!
2007-01-18 02:38:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you love him? Are you happy living with him? If so, then why do you feel like you need to screw things up? What is this belief among women that they can only be happy with a wedding ring?
trust me, being married does not make you happy or make your life any better. Being with a good person does that.
And your plan is to extort a marriage from him? No wonder you're divorced. You're manipulative.
2007-01-18 02:41:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think you need to go !...He shouldn't expect you to live your life "dating " someone at your ages. I am sure you would find someone your age that wants the same things. You shouldn't have to tell the man you want a ring, he should do it because he wants to , but that doesn't sound like the case. Good luck
2007-01-18 02:16:17 · answer #7 · answered by confused 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've waited long enough, and he obviously doesn't want the same thing you do, so why wait? I think the problem is in living together - women just shouldn't be doing that, then want a ring!
Wish you luck.
2007-01-18 04:18:05 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would back off for a bit and give him and this relationship some time and some space... Play hard to get and also see if you and him should date others for a bit to see if what you feel is the real deal or not... To me if he loves you he will pursue you if you play hard to get. At least he is being honest with you about his feelings and not wanting to give you false hopes.
2007-01-18 02:24:29 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your going to throw away a relationship over a ring? THis man is 47 years old mabye he doesnt want to get married? Mabye to him its a financial burden hed rather do without. I think you would be selfish to throw away a relationship over a ring.
2007-01-18 02:12:45 · answer #10 · answered by jennyve25 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋