How important is unconditonal love in a marriage...?

Question

When you marry someone it is for better or worse, (unconditional love) I know a lot of people make a lot of mistakes. I am amazed at all the perfect people here on Yahoo answers. Why do you get so much negative feedback for trying to stick through better or worse? People screw up, they have affairs, anything can happen given the right circumstances. But just because someone broke a wedding vow, (and showing great remorse, guilt, shame, etc, etc) why do some people it is so bad to try and forgive. Now if it was multiple affairs or abuse I understand but...one screw up and everyone wants to label the person for life. I am a true believer of second chances. I would like to know I would get one if I did something I regretted. I think it is too easy to get out of a marriage today, people should be required to go to counseling and TRY to work on things. Maybe that is why the divorce rate is so high, when things get bad, people dont think about the vow THEY are going to break

the "for better or worse " one. Dont you think people should at least try to honor this?

***I did not mean to offend anyone with the 'perfect people' comment, Im just saying there are so many people hollering dont forgive...get out...to me that is saying that they think they are perfect, they make no mistakes...because if they did, or ever have, they would know how much a second chance could mean. Thats all I meant.

Answer 1

No human on this earth is perfect, so every human should
be given a chance . Marriage is where vows(committment
are said but not adhered to. IF the two people involved in
marriage are committed to their vows then the marriage
would have a better chance of working ; if one or the other did something that they would have to be forgiven.
then they should be given that second chance.
So to all those people that are ready to slam dunk some-
one who has made a mistake in their marriage, just re-
member the marriage vows state that you owe it to that
person to give her or him another chance to do right.

Answer 2

I do not subscribe to the idea that "for better or for worse" is unconditional love. If you were never raised with it you will never learn it. In my life I have been with women who considered me so lucky because I was raised that way and they were not.

When I got married a long long time ago, I put no conditions on my love for her. It's how I felt and what I knew. I cannot fathom saying to my wife or even a girlfriend that "I will love you if....." or "I will love you when...." That's nuts.

I am much more discerning now having developed a personal code of ethics that includes my relationships and it is far more comprehensive that any set of generic vows.

As far as getting out of a marriage is concerned, I can only say this. If you made the wrong choice in a spouse for whatever reason, nothing you can do can make it the right choice.

Answer 3

This is Very important!!!! There are no perfect people here on yahoo or perfect couples but we that choose to work at and on our marriage through good times and bad have learned something and it works in our marriages. I have learned from years of making many mistakes before knowing and marrying my current husband... My first marriage was a total disaster because we were both selfis and young and stupid and i did no love him unconditionally.... I would run and cheat because i wanted to and trust me that was not cool.... Needless to say that marriage ended in tragedy and sadness. It is not bad to try and forgive someone if they have made a mistake in the marriage. Love is a choice and we choose every day to love and to forgive and to make our marriages what we want them to be. You are so right it is so and too easy to get out of marriage today... We need to work at our marriages as hard as we possibly can to save them if at all possible and not always seek just to get out.... Thanks for this question it is a great one and makes us think. You are so right if people cannot work on a marriage themselves then yes counseling should be an option but the sad part is not everyone wants or thinks they need counseling for it. People should never even want to break a vow that they make to God and to there spouse in marriage.
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://www.drphil.com

Answer 4

The reality of it is that there is no such thing as un conditional love when it comes to marriage. Think about it. Two people set up the conditions before they get married. think about how you go about chosing a mate. You chose based upon a person meeting a certain set of conditions that you deem will make a perfect wife or husband.

Each relationship will then be tested upon the conditions that were set.

Some people will bail, the minute something goes wrong. others will stick with it for as long as they even if means unhappiness to them

Bottom line is we have to make choices and life is way to short to live it unhappily. Not all relationships are meant to last forever including marraige.

Answer 5

My Answer, and I am strongly inclined to state that unconditional love in a marriage or "For better OR Worse" should be every marriage or union's core principle.

Your wife or your husband is not going to stay pretty or dashing forever. There will be times when u get agitated, annoyed with one another as both grow older.
There will be times when other women/men looks so much more attractive than your spouse. Yes, we are always tempted. But always remember the love of your youth (Your wife when she was young and pretty) Never ever give up your love for your husband or wife as a broken marriage is extremely difficult to heal. Always try to work things out and give each other allowance for mistakes. Love him/her the way you have loved when both were younger. With that said, may God bless all marriages!

Answer 6

I agree. The divorce rate is so high because people take the easy way out. They give up. Giving up is much easier than trying to work it out and resolve the problem. I'm getting married this July and can honestly say that I love my fiance unconditionally. Things won't always be easy, but I'm ready to travel this bumpy scenic road with him. I'm an old fashioned beliver in 'til death do us part.

Answer 7

I think it's very important. and if you TRULY loved your spouse, you wouldn't think not one minute to be unfaithful. not one. if you think you are going to do something you'll regret before you marry that person, then you need to just not marry that person. marriage is a sacred union that should be held up with the upmost respect. I could forgive, but I certianly couldn't forget. so I doubt very seriously I could give my husband a second chance if he was ever unfaithful. that's a big no-no in my book.

Answer 8

if he is remorseful, and it isn't a pattern of behavior in him, than i do believe in second chances, but it is all up to the person who is doing the forgiving, it's a personal choice, and if they feel this way they shouldn't let any ones opinions sway them. depends on the person forgiving the affair, their choice to forgive or not to forgive. alot of people have been hurt by affairs, and their spouse didn't come back and seek their forgiveness so what happened in their life is their reality and their opinion.

Answer 9

"For better and for worse..." is part of the vows, which is legally a verbal agreement between the two partners. When your partner breaks those vows by having an affair, the vows become legally void, thus you are no longer legally bound to love them "for better and for worse."

Answer 10

I agree it is too easy to get out of marriage these days.