how to forgive for cheating?

Question

how do you forgive someone for cheating in a marriage
i want to work it out and im trying to forget does anyone have any advise on how to forgive her i really want to for my kids and myself but i need some help any ideas?

Answer 1

In order for it to work you have to forgive her and not think about what happened. Have you tried marriage counseling or individual counseling for yourself? That might help.

Answer 2

If you have trully forgiven your wife, you must move on. That is, you must be willing to trust your wife again. If she says she's going shopping, trust that she is. If she's on the telephone, trust that she's not talking to another man. Forgiveness also requires you to uncover the underlying cause of the cheating. What are the areas in the marriage that are lacking? Has the relationship gotten stale? How is your sex life? Do you spend time together, away from the children? You may be a wonderful father, but do you show your wife love and affection, and does she do the same for you? These are questions you and your wife must honestly answer.

Working things out means repairing the damage to the marriage. Understand that things can't go back to the way they were, because the way they were is what caused the damage. This is how you forgive your wife, by being willing to work together to repair the damage. The one thing you must establish first is if you still love one another. Staying together for the kids won't work. You have to establish a common ground, based on your love for one another. From there, you can begin to repair the damage.

Also, learn how to cope with the cheating, rather than forget. Most likely you won't forget. You can, however, put it in its proper perspective and move on. The more you work on repairing the damage, the less important the cheating becomes. When you can say to yourself, "yes, my wive cheated, but we've gotten past that," you will be moving in the right direction. It is the coping that you must work on, not the forgetting.

One thing more: As sincere as you seem to be, if you find that your wife doesn't love you, or if she repeats the behavior, you must find the courage to let her go. Don't imprison yourself in a loveless marriage. It's not good for you, or the children.

Answer 3

When you forgive your actions change. The problem is it is hard to forget. This takes time. Are you willing to treat her as your queen, despite what she did? Because if you are and she loves you and has asked for your forgiveness then there is a great probability your marriage is back on track. But you must fight the bad feelings you have whether they be revenge,anger,hate, or any other feeling that reminds you of the incident. In time and with you two caring and sharing all that you have with each other the incident will become a thing of the past. And what is more important the past or the present or the future?? We must learn from the past, live in the present, and plan to make ther future better. I will pray for your marriage

Answer 4

First, I have to give you a lot of credit for wanting this to work. You seem like a good guy. Ok, so first you have to remember that you can forgive but never totally forget. You must build the love and trust you once had. Trust will be the key to the success of this. You must talk everything over with your wife and make sure this is something that you both still want. If the answer is yes, then you can start building your life again. Start out slow, go out on cute little dates. Pretend it's like starting over, like you are kids again.

Good luck!!!

Answer 5

Well it helps alot when you know that she has told you the complete story (every detail) because that helps you to build the trust back up. Plus, it's just better than finding it out from someone else when you hear it all from her. Then you have to accept what she did and then let it go. Make sure you ask her about everything that is bothering you. Do not dwell on anything but, make sure you get everything off your chest. This will help in the healing process. Always keep in mind that we are all just humans, we are going to make mistakes, some worst than others but, we will make them. Just let it go. Is it that bad. I mean put your importance elsewhere, you said that you have kids, stay focused on that and remember that she is there with you now. Most people don't get a second chance so, be thankful for what you have now and make the best of it.

Answer 6

Same thing happened to me, make sure the person is sorry and will not do it again. Then tell them that they have to let you know where they are, do not be over bearing but a call would help. You will get a lot of people that will tell you that forgiveness is not possible and bla bla, but you can learn to forgive. Then you need to truly let it go, this of course takes time. What helped me with letting it go was I realized that we are all human and people make mistakes and do foolish things. The majority of cheating is just a physical act and that is how you have to look at it. Next, You have to be able to forgive your partner if she is truly sorry and admits how big of a mistake it was. I am not going to lie it will take time, but I was cheated on 2 years ago and our relationship is stronger now then it ever has been. Finally you have to look at yourself and see what you can do, in my case I was not paying enough attention that she needed and combine that with a low self esteem on her part she was prone to the guy that came on to her, but she worked on her and I worked on me and we are much stronger now as people and as a couple. That bastard that sleep with your wife has no right to steal your life that you have built, don't let him. Good luck.

Answer 7

i don't think that i would ever be able to forgive something like that, it takes a really good person to forgive a cheater. ur wife is a very lucky woman to still have u in her life...
Why don't u try marriage counselling together, that way u can both say what u need to and then u can work on the healing process...
Its not gonna be easy, and the roads gonna be long but if u work at it then u'll find what u need in the end.
I wish u all the best

Answer 8

Forgiveness is an interesting concept. I've read somewhere recently that forgiving someone isn't really all that difficult. The problem is that most people feel that forgiveness absolves the other person of their action. It doesn't. It just says that you will not allow that person's action to have any power over your life. Instead of taking that action on your shoulders as a burden, you give it back to them to deal with. It was their choice, though it affected you, it was still their choice. They have to live with the ramifications. You have to decide if you can live with your choices. All of these are separate but connected issues.

Answer 9

First you have to talk with her and make sure that it's something she regrets and has no intention of repeating. She has to be willing to do a lot to earn your trust back. Then, it's day by day. Understand, you can forgive, but as long as your mind is good, you will never forget. Everyone is human, noone is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. If this was a one time thing, it will be easy for you to move on. If this is something she continues to do, then there is no forgiving, someone who will not stop hurting you.

Answer 10

Find out what drew her to go astray-First thing is -Is her love for you REALLY absolute-if you know deep in your heart that she truly loves you-not just your nice house and kids and the stability and comfort of the relationship-If you have any doubt as to her intentions and passion for you-you must move on and out.
Love is true and passionate-look in her eyes and have her look in yours-you will know-
I am a husband and father, I dont know if I could forgive, if we ever had sex after that ,I would think of another man entering her or embracing her as I would-me I look at it as someone eating off my fork--I would get another fork unless I could wash it and know for sure 100% that that fork would never be used except by me--
There is something that a man is different than a woman in this-we hold woman up high we must be tough by day but let our softness out to only those we trust with love and passion.
We will defend dad but disrespect mom and you will have a fierce battle on your hands---why did she cheat? Do you show her love and passion-Do you still growl when you see her?I have been with my wife 15 years-----You must have fun and play together---that is a complaint of my wife--all bussiness--take a break--Take her and the kids to the beach or movies--then take the kids to grandmas and take the wife to dinner and --relax look at her and her beauty--she will notice and you will make her feel wonderful--pull her chair out for her,take her coat off an dget up when leaving and put in on for her--get the door and open her side of the car door first then get in on your side---Make her feel like a queen and if you do these and she still strays--you will know its not your fault and you can move on knowing you did the very best you could and your heart may be broken but your soul is cleared...GOOD LUCK

Answer 11

well first of all, you can't have your kids forgive anyone...forgiveness is a personal thing and they must do it on their own. you can help them by showing them that you have the ability to forgive and forget...living by example....but you cannot force forgiveness onto them, because it affects them in a totally different way than it has affected you. secondly, the only way to forgive is to actually "do it". don't dwell on it, don't base everything else on it....don't compare it to other situations, don't make him feel bad for doing it. if you actually want to forgive him, then you have to be able to let it go one good last time and not bring it up again, to him or yourself. if you really want it to work, you must accept that it is an action of the past that cannot be changed but worked through if possible. i wish you all the luck in the world, my friend.