My fiancee is refusing to have sex with me. His reason is because he doesn't want children. Meanwhile. He got me pregnant last year, only one month after meeting him, and him telling me that he had a vasectomy. I didn't want to keep the baby because I was headed to teacher's college, but he begged me to, so I did, and now we have a son. Although I do not regret having my son now, I am pissed off at my fiancee for putting such a stipulation on the relationship. He refuses sex with me, but then tried to get me to go down on him. Now, I am so turned off that I am going to put myself on birth control in order to avoid having more children with him. Is he right for doing this to me?
2007-01-18 00:31:51 · 17 answers · asked by Java Queen 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am not even sure if I want to be with him anymore. He doesn't seem to care about me sexually anymore. Only his own satisfaction. I do not like being treated this way.
2007-01-18 00:33:03 · update #1
OKay so maybe my question is ridiculous. No it's not normal. I am a smart woman, posting this question on here because I don't want to discuss it with the "real people" in my life. It's easier to be annonymous. I am stupid for putting up with this garbage, I agree. I just needed confirmation that I wansn't crazy. I certainly do not want to be with a man who is like this. As for myself. I will never be conned into the "I have had a vasectomy" crap again. Thanks. I plan to tell him that I am not marrying him. I deserve to be loved properly. This is not love.
2007-01-18 02:00:00 · update #2
first of all...good for you for getting on birth control. second..if he will not do anything to you sexually then you should not do anything to him sexually. it's only fair. third...if you 'need some' then take yourself down to an adult novelty store and get yourself some toys. take care of your own desires if he will not do it. and if he has a problem with it. he should have gotten tested after his vasectomy to make sure that he was shooting blanks before he got you pregnant. he is afraid of getting any more children...that's why he refuses to have sex. it has nothing to do with you...its that sex usually results in pregnancy. but what most couples dont' understand is that in the department of preventing preganancy...birth control should go both ways. the woman on the pill the man using the condom. multiple forms of birth control is better than one and is much better than none. or if you want to make sure that no more children come from your body...you could talk to your doctor about getting a tubal ligation or essure. those are two very permanent forms of birth control.
2007-01-18 00:50:05 · answer #1 · answered by cfalways 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He lied about the Vasectomy so what other lies has he told. He ob still has sexual urges if he asks of certain acts from you. An accidental pregnancy can cause stress on a relationship but he seems to be expressing his anger with control. He is dictating the relationship by putting you at risk of pregnant at the beginning of your relationship, what sex takes place now and what acts he wishes to be performed. I am sure that if you examine other aspects of your life then you will see similar behaviors of control too, for starters I bet you have not gone to college, why because he controlled your destiny with an unplanned pregnancy. This guy has issues, seems if he abstaining from penetration due to the concern of having kids he holds a grudge against your son as well. If you have the opportunity take your little boy and move on. Being a single mum is not the end of the world, you had your life planned before now you just have the added pleasure of a little man to accompany you on your journey, good luck
2007-01-18 00:41:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
their are many birth control at there. Dis have a job to spored you and your child. He his no right to do that to you and if he don't want you to get pregnant then us pertacen her are som birth control. hare some story of other peolpe how dont any more kides.
Using an IUD
. "I have a 4 year old and I'm in college so I don't want any more children for a while. I liked the IUD because it has no hormones - I gained weight taking birth control pills; and I had trouble remembering to take them. I was a little worried after reading the brochure that getting the IUD inserted would hurt -- but a friend of mine told me that she got one put in after her daughter was born and that the insertion wasn't painful. She was right -- it wasn't bad at all." .
. ~ Celia, 24 year old college student, mother of 1
Taking birth control pills
. "Right now I'm using birth control pills because my periods were really long and painful. I've been using them for about 2 years, and they've worked really well for me so far. I'm married so we decided we didn't need to use condoms. When I was younger, I used condoms because I wasn't sure about some of my old boyfriends. I'll probably go off the pill soon because we want to get pregnant after my husband finishes college in 6 months." .
. ~ Vanessa, 22 year old hair stylist, no children
Using Depo Provera
. "I use the shot because I really don't want to be pregnant right now, and I know it works. I like that I don't have to take a pill every day -- my life is too busy, and I know I'd forget. One of my friends told me that she got fat on the shot, but I haven't gained weight at all. I still use condoms because I don't want to catch anything." .
. ~ Tiffany, 16 year old high school student, no children
Getting a tubal ligation
. "I was done having kids by the time I was 22 so I knew I wanted something that would last a long time. I had my tubes tied when my second child was about 3 years old. I knew I didn't want a third child, but my friends and family told me I should wait a while to make sure. I got pregnant again and ended up having an abortion. I scheduled the appointment for the tubal right after that. I've never regretted the decision -- I just wish I'd had it done sooner, and then I wouldn't have gotten pregnant the third time." .
. ~ Blanca, 28 year old accountant, mother of 2
Getting a vasectomy
a woman's point of view
. "I have 2 kids that I love, but both pregnancies were a surprise. I was on the pill off and on for years and when I was off the pill my husband and I used condoms -- sometimes. I had a diaphragm for a while but never used it -- not once! We got pregnant NOT using condoms. So when my daughter was 18 months old my husband got a vasectomy. It was his idea and I thought it was a good idea too. It's great not to worry about 'surprises' any more." .
. ~ Leila, 36 year old waitress, mother of 2
Getting a vasectomy
a man's point of view
. "After my fourth child was born, I just realized that I couldn't handle any more child support ... no matter what a woman wants!! I had a son and three daughters. It was enough. Getting a vasectomy, I wouldn't have to rely on a woman remembering to take her pills or whatever, even if a condom busted. I traded a little pain in the short run for peace of mind in the long run. It was the right decision for me." .
. ~ David, 27 year old laborer, father of 4
Using the Ring
. "I've been on the Ring about ten months now. I love it because it is simple to use and I don't have to worry about taking a pill every day. My husband has no complaints. He was worried he would feel it during sex, but he’s only felt it a few times and it didn’t bother him. The Ring has made my period go from a very heavy flow and very painful cramping to a 2 - 4 day period and light or no cramps. This is the best part of the Ring!" .
. ~ Becky, 23 year old teacher’s aide, no children
Using the Patch
. "I was on the Pill for 4 years before my first child. After she was born I wanted something more convenient so I switched to the Patch. I think it's easier to remember to change my patch once a week than to take a pill every day. I will probably stay on the Patch until the day my boyfriend and I decide to have another child."
I hope this is help fule to you .
2007-01-18 00:43:06 · answer #3 · answered by Sexymama07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Not,
We will skip the fact that you really need a strong relationship BEFORE you add sex to it... and you should be married prior to that as well.... so my question back to you is: Why are you still with this selfish guy?
You had indications all along about what kind of person he is, but ignored them. You have spent years with a person who is wrapped up in himself and his wants and LIES to you on top of that. He doesn't even deserve the designation of "fiancee."
1. Get out while your son is young.
2. Get a good attorney to get child support.
3. Make better choices in the future - and be sure love is really there from both sides before you marry and have sex again.
Get busy & good luck.
2007-01-18 00:45:21 · answer #4 · answered by Peanut 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a relationship that is not going to work. He sounds like a boy not a man....You need to take your son and move. If he is that immature to tell you no were not having sex then expect you to go down on him, he doesn't care about you. I'm sorry a life with this man is not going to be anything that you want for you or your son. Get out your not married yet its time to leave before you take that step.
2007-01-18 00:44:10 · answer #5 · answered by diana b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some guys don't care about women sexual needs. Then there is a factor that he might have been cheating on you and caught something and thats why he doesnt want to do it. Yet you can still have intercourse and not get pregnant because he can pull out or use condoms. He's not having sex with you for a reason and you getting pregnant is not one of them!. Open yours eyes, you only live once and don't live you life with someone that your not happy with. Every body deserves the finer things and believe me there is someone out there to give it to you.
2007-01-18 00:47:07 · answer #6 · answered by babygurl_vicki 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not that I am any expert, having been relationship-less for longer than I care to admit, but your question illuminates something all too sad - sex and love are two COMPLETELY different thigns and you are confusing the two. I have friends who I love, but those friends and I do not have sex - and I think my relationships with them are healthier than your physical (or now not physical) relationship - a theory based of course only on your description. What seems obvious to me and others is:
A) You and he are wrong for one another
B) You and he do not share love
C) Sex might be fun for an hour (or whatever time it takes you) but the rest of your day is rather miserable (except of course for your son)
I agree with previous writers. Get out while you still can. His expectations and yours do not match, and staying together only in the hopes of sex is a disaster wiating to happen.
2007-01-18 03:57:32 · answer #7 · answered by David K (The Real One!) 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think about your question for a minute. You know he's completely wrong. I would find another man, and drop this one like a hot potato. He has serious issues. You can use the pill, or other forms of contraception, he could have a vasecetomy, but refusing to have sex is just selfish, and wanting you to pleasure him, wow, get rid of him. Good luck hon ~~~
2007-01-18 00:38:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, I'm going to say this in small words so you can understand. GET THE FU*K OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW! TODAY! IMMEDIATELY!
He makes you pregnant, won't have sex with you, and wants a blowj*b and you have to ask if he is right. Your "fiance" is the King of Asshol*s and if you marry him you will deservedly get the title of Queen.
Leave with your son right this f*cking minute and stay gone from this shithe*d forever.
Sorry about the language but if you have to ask you need a wake up call and that seem to be the best way to do it.
Hope this helped.
2007-01-18 00:41:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
He's an idiot. If he had a vasectomy what IS his problem? And this day and age there are all kinds of birth control. No, I think his head is messed up. Something else is going on. And he wants bj's from you and he treats you this way? This guy is screwy .. finish your school and dump this guy. Make sure you get child support from this loser.
2007-01-18 00:39:22 · answer #10 · answered by morahastits 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋