I have discovered in our computer several porn files from my husband . I have confronted him many times about this , telling him it hurts me , last time this happened he promised me he would stop it . No so long ago I found porn again . We have sex not very often to my own discomfort . I thought he was under stress or tired but I think he prefers porn to real sex .
2007-01-17 23:55:23 · 32 answers · asked by Good goo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
walk away
2007-01-18 00:33:41 · answer #1 · answered by Maro's mom 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You probably won't like my answer, but I had a very similar situation and it got real ugly. Pornography is like a drug, it becomes an addiction. He said he would stop, but apparently can't (or choses not too). My ex would look at porn and at first I didn't think much of it, then I came home early from work, and there he was in the living room (mind you he was alone) taking care of business. I couldn't understand why he would need to do that or why he felt the need to look up porn online. I thought we had a very good sex life. A few months later, I found out he had not just moved on from me, and moved on from the porn to my child. (mine, not his). Porn sex, does not involve emotions. If you have spoken to him and he has blatently disregarded your feelings, he should seek counseling. It is a real problem that won't just go away. I'm not saying he will move on to children or that he will have an extra marital affair, but the fact is that in his mind, he is having an affair (though it be with a computer screen). Another suggestion that I have is that if his behavior continues, it may be time for you to get out. You say that often you have sex to your own discomfort. Is that a feeling or discomfort or physical discomfort. If it physical, you should see a doctor, if it emotional discomfort, I believe that would be caused by your feelings of being inadequet now because of the type of women that are in the porn movies and/or pics.
2007-01-18 00:34:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are many aspects to a relationship other than just porn, I wonder why you are considering leaving him just based on that?
You mention that you do not have sex with him often because of discomfort. Is it physical or emotional discomfort?
Physical discomfort can be helped by using different positions, activities, and lubrication. Emotional discomfort can cover a very wide range but is usually narrowed down to your own unfulfilled desires or abuse.
Either way, sitting down and talking about it with him is the best way to go.
Porn addiction is very real and very common-not just by men either. Do not just assume he is lusting after another woman, or the women he is seeing on the Internet. In my opinion as someone who has been there, the reasons for looking at porn vary from unfulfilled fantasies, boring bedroom activities, or just needing a release.
A very good way to turn him away from porn (and to you) is to make your bedroom time more exciting; dress up, buy a video camera, watch porn together and get some ideas.
2007-01-18 00:16:17 · answer #3 · answered by cobra2140 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Bronzebab is incorrect. All men do not get into porm. Some men have more important things to do with their time. If your husband is more involved with porn than he is with you, there is something wrong. Stop feeling hurt, and decide what you want to do. Ask yourself if you want to live with a man like this? That's the bottom line. He may be under stress, tired, bored, crazy, or anything else, but that's not the issue. Do you want to live with a man who prefers porn to you? If not, leave.
2007-01-18 00:41:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he's promised to stop many and he can't is a sign that he may be addicted to porn. Added to that is his loss of interest in sex with you. I would agree with you it appears he prefers porn. He needs some help or at least an evaluation. You may have to lay it on the line ... get help ... or I'm getting out.
2007-01-18 00:00:32 · answer #5 · answered by morahastits 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Delete all his porn files and replace them with gay porn. That might scare him off for a while.
Are you into porn at all? Maybe there's a way you could be involved as well so you don't feel so cheated. If there's a type of porn you're interested in, download some yourself and watch it with your husband. Grab a video camera and make your own porn for your husband.
If none of this takes your fancy, and you really cannot handle him watching porn, and he clearly won't stop, then your only option is to move on and find someone who can make and keep you happy.
2007-01-18 00:02:39 · answer #6 · answered by RIffRaffMama 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Being "hurt" by someone else looking at porn proves only that you are emotionally immature. Sure, you could divorce him, but you would still be immature, and you would take that immaturity with you to your next relationship. Instead, you should take this as an opportunity for growth. In particular, you exaggerate the importance of things, probably because you don't understand it. It would help you to spend an hour a day, for a few weeks at least, looking at porn so that you can see what a big deal it is not.
2007-01-18 00:29:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
I would say that you have to start giving him more sex. Maybe you can do something that arouses you, he obviously enjoys and his porn, maybe you could spice up your sex life with a sexy outfit or some chocolate. If he likes porn so much , give him his own porn star. I think he will be very very happy.
2007-01-18 00:10:53 · answer #8 · answered by pippy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he loves u then why is he looking at other women. In the bible is says that if u look at someone in lust then they are alrealy in your heart. I would be asking him where is his heart? If u have tried to get him to stop several times and he keeps going back on his word to stop then I feel that it is time to leave him. Sounds like he needs help to be able to stop this and be the husband he should be. If he is not willing to change then u can't change him. If he loves u then he will do this for u>
2007-01-18 00:41:57 · answer #9 · answered by Shery W 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately men love porn. Perhaps you need to look at the kind of porn he downloads to know what he is actually in to. The fact that you do not have sex often, shows that he is not too happy about what you two do in bed. I'd say he needs counceling to ascertain what he really wants in his life. I don't think you should leave him until you yourself know what is going on in his mind. Best of luck!
2007-01-18 00:04:36 · answer #10 · answered by Fay 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
everybody on here needs to get a grip.........everyone looks at porn of some kind of all ages,,we are humans not robots..get a life people.
no one in here is perfect and does nothing ...please.
we are not hearing both sides only one rember that. maybe you need to have an opened mind when it comes to your sex life maybe it shpoiuld be both ways and not just your way.....your husband has needs just as if you do,dont or wouldn;t you want to take care of his needs as if he does yours?
stop thinking of yourself.....sure tell him he should only look at you and you can only look at him as well forever and ever ,,,,,,sure like you would....i wouldn't and neither wopuild anyone else.please each other not just your self.and the problem might just go away.
2007-01-21 20:36:17 · answer #11 · answered by nobodyspeical00 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋