how do you come to terms with a husband that is sometimes a bad role model for their children?

Question

everything i try to instill into my children he does the opposite and they seem to embrace his way. eg. i try to bring them up to have boundries and routine but he lives his life with very little boundries and is so disorganised.

Answer 1

they gravitate toward his way probably cause its the EASY way. Do you respect this man? If the answer is yes,,,,get counseling and demand he attend with you. If the answer is no the get out of this marriage. Find your kids a good male role model. I don't mean you have to get them a new "daddy" My son looks to his Tea Kwon Do teacher as a role model( a positive role model)

Answer 2

Honestlly, two years is a long time. If you love each other than you really need to talk with him a little more and find out what the reason was that he began using in the first place? Has he been using for long enough to be addicted? Does he love you? And if he does would he be willing to seek treatment if you promise to support him? Once addicted to a drug people go into denial, they can't picture life without the drug no matter what they have to lose in the process. That is the addict talking. My husband and I were heavy drug users when we got together. The first 5 years of our lives together we used. I got sober, he didn't. Neither one of us was willing to throw away our years together and I went through so much. Being an addict myself it was so hard to stay sober under the circumstances. But I did and supported him and picked him up when fell. We are now in our 17th year together and have both been sober for over 10 years. If I had left him like I wanted to in the begining, I would have missed out on such a wonderful love. It takes hard work and dedication on both of your parts. If this man means anything at all to you, stick it out to the end. He will come around.

Answer 3

That is a tough situation you're in. I assume you have already tried talking to him about this and he is not co-operating? Well, if so, then maybe you could go to the bookstore and get a book on the do's and don't's of child-raising to prove your point. If he is too stubborn for that, then maybe you could confide in some close personal friends of you both and get them to approach him on the subject. And you could maybe even try getting assistance from a family member of his that he generally gets along with and respects. Don't give up, though, keep trying till you find something that will get through to him. For the children's sake. Good luck!

Answer 4

You must talk with him so the two of you have the same goals as it pertains to the children, if not kaos will take place. The children are recieving mixed messages. You may need professional counseling. I say this because many men are reluctant when it comes to taking responsibility for influencing their own children in a bad way. But the issue is still you two communicating about whatever issues affect your family, even when it is one of you.

Answer 5

Depends on your children's ages. You need to give them boundaries but Dad's do push the envelope a little and give the kids something called fun.
Most moms are not into fun but rules and boundaries and that is why we end up the 'bad guy'. As long as the children are not being morally corrupted.. ie they are taking drugs or smoking or watching R rated movies with him, and its just fun stuff let them have that edge. But you 2 should have discussed discipline of the kids way before they came along.

Answer 6

What he is doing is not necessarily bad, simply different.

The first thing you do is to understand that your ways may not necessarily be superior to his.

I recall when first married and my now ex-wife was having a fit because her 7 year old daughter was climbing the pole supporting the basketball goal in the driveway. This pole was set in concrete and wasn't going to fall.

Anyway, she was upset, asking what would happen if she fell. I said she would either never climb it again, or would learn to hang on better.

That's one case where she and I have differing points of view. There are real merits to both views.

Many times it's not a question of right or wrong, such as organization techniques. Other times it is, such as things such as affairs and lying it is.

Answer 7

This is a very difficult situation. You are going to have to sit down and talk to him and discuss what and how you are going to raise the children. This should have been discussed before the arrival of any children. Hopefully, the two of you can come to some type of reasonable compromise. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 8

Your husband is a grown man, not another one of your children. Rather than trying to control him, allow him to be the man he is, while you continue to be the woman you are. The children will be fine.

BTW: Is there the hint of jealousy on your part, because the kids gravitate to their father? Perhaps you're too rigid. Loosen up a bit. You're a mother, not a drill sergeant.

Answer 9

Is he Aqarius? J/K. You have to talk to him and explain that though he choses to live his life in a certain way you would like to see your children behave differantly. If he is a bad role model, then do you really want to have your children taught that his behaviors are ok? If he is unwilling to work toward supporting your feelings and beliefs then perhaps it is time to cut ties and walk.

Answer 10

Maybe he feels you are too rigid. Maybe it is just your perception that he is a "bad" role model. Raising children is parenting together ... you and he need to have a talk with each other and NOT in front of the kids.