poem i wrote for english class. opinions please. good and bad. thanks.?

Question

For every smile a single tear
For every love a dreaded fear
For every worry a welcomed relief
For every my a new belief
For every right a disappointing wrong
For every penny made another gone
For every denial a tough acceptance
For every song a graceful dance
For every this there is a that
For every head the perfect hat
For every song a beautiful tune
For every night an eerie moon
For every yes another no
For every high an upsetting low
For every gain something’s lost
For every thing a hidden cost
For every black a contrasting white
For every dark a welcomed light
For every rise a sudden fall
For every big a really small
For every loss an impressive win
For every death new life begins
I ask you to live life to the full my friend
Because for every beginning there is an end

Answer 1

Just shorten it a bit and watch those syllables! Otherwise, it's good. I liked it! :)

Answer 2

I always appreciate people who write poems - bad or good. Yours is good. I especially like this part "For every right a disappointing wrong
For every penny made another gone."

High-brow critics might scoff at your rhyming patterns...but I don't mind.

Though the last two lines can still be improved. Maybe it's the syllables. It's long and it sounded long.

Here's a tip: whenever I write anything, I try to make it a good piece for reading quietly and aloud. Sometime's a poetry or prose sounds good only when you say it aloud and not when you read it quietly :)

Answer 3

It's a very good start, and good thoughts. I think it's a bit long and you could trim it and refocus it. At the conclusion, you remind people to live life to the full, for the end is coming. That is the thrust of your poem. I would eliminate those verses which seem a bit contrived to get a rhyme. Others don't lend themselves as well to the coming conclusion as others do. I think you have a very good work started here, and forcing yourself to be more precise is what you really want to do. Good luck!

Answer 4

somewhat longer than necessary - get rid of the this and that/ head and hat lines...

Flip the last two lines, remove because and I ask you...it will read better like this...

For every death new life begins
For every beginning an expected end

-so live life to the full my friend


_____________________

For every my??? Why not - for every try a new belief

Poem needs work...shorten, tighten...only 14-17 lines total for this type of verse is needed in my opinion...

I enjoyed it...thanks for letting us read it.

Answer 5

it is how i might replace it. purely very own touches, in spite of the undeniable fact that i attempted to not mess with your unique concepts: The clock strikes ineffective night, i won't be in a position to sleep. I lay silent, my mattress room window extremely ajar. i think the brisk November wind on my face; It chills my backbone. I upward thrust slowly and initiate in the direction of the open window, to climb noiselessly onto the roof, As I loll upon the frosty shingles I gaze upon the icy mountains. I see narrow, gentle clouds embody the top of the darkish fortresses, as above me a spatter of twinkling stars suffuse around the heavens, gleaming interior the fervid glow of an entire moon. As I stare I start to keep in mind; my previous existence, why it replace into stolen from me. unexpectedly, my tongue retracts. My throat starts to burn with lustful yearning. Razor sharp canine tear flesh from my mouth. I leap off the roof with a catlike lethality and land onto the soggy earth. and that i dart into the shadows, on no account finding lower back because of the fact the eternal darkness envelops my soul; the seek has began.

Answer 6

its wonderful! you are very observant there is always an oposing factor to any aspect of life. i think you have captured it very well in this poem, without going into lengthy, wallowing prose.

very nice, its like you have captured the essence of life in a few lines.

congratulations....

Answer 7

I can see how hard you work with this one. Because it's so long, maybe is a little philosophical. Did you ever read Jewel's poems?

Answer 8

I don't normally read poetry I usually find it boring; but with this it is exceptionally well done.. I would give you an A.

Answer 9

I like it! But I am looking at it like it needs comma's. Maybe I'm being too grammatical.

Answer 10

That really is beautiful. Nice Job