Is It ok to keep a secret?

Question

from your spouse? wouldn't it be considered like your own thing? I know not all married couples share every little thing in their marriage. so just keeping a little secret from them isn't bad. what do you think? what secrets are ok to keep?

Answer 1

I think people keep secrets for two reasons.

One, so they can be sneaky and lie and cheat.

For example, if your husband is cheating on you and keeping it from you, he's doing it for his own benefit. Because he knows what he's doing is wrong and if he shares it, you will most likely leave him. Or if he is stealing and keeps it from you. People who keep those kind of secrets are keeping them because they know what they are doing is wrong.
Another example I think is:
I was watching a show where a guy dressed as a woman (he pulled it off well) did not tell a man he had dated and had given oral sex to, that he was really a man. That kind of secret hurts people and I don't think it's right.

Then two, there are things in our past we don't share with others because we are afraid they will judge us. Or leave us, or not want to be our friend anymore.

But after I knew my husband, dated him for awhile and knew he was a moral person, honest and good, there would be nothing in his PAST that I would hold against him. And if he felt he needed to share it with me, I wouldn't hold it against him.

If you are holding a secret that would affect your relationship today, something that's hurtful and you are still doing, that you should fess up.
If you are dating someone and need to share a secret, definitely do it before you get married.

Answer 2

If it is a secret that you are keeping for a friend that doesn't affect your marriage or spouse or anything illegal then I would think it ok but any other kinds of secrets (sometimes even that kind) is asking for trouble because the spouse might end up not trusting you if they found out the secret. I was married to a liar who kept secrets big time so I know how it is to be on that side of the situation. The best thing for couples to do is to be open and honest with each other and have good communication. Secrets really do mess with even the best of marriages.

Answer 3

If someone else came to you and asked you not to say anything to anyone that would be a secret you could keep to yourself! And that's really not a secret that is someone asking for a shoulder or an ear to listen. BUT if it is something to do with you put your shoes in his feet if it was him keeping the same secret how would you act if that is what he would tell you the secret you don't want to tell your spouse? THEN how would you feel, him not telling you your secret and finding out about it on down the road? If you have been unfaithful I think he has the right to know because once they cheat they always cheat and if that is what you are keeping in and don't say well then what happens if it happens again and you think well i kept it from him the first time and so on. And if you were out with the girls ect and you were having fun or drink when it happened guess what you just learned you can NOT go out without him or NOT DRINK without him because it makes you do crazy things. It all depends on the secret your keeping form him one little lie leads to another and then a BIG white LIE. Good Luck and God Bless you and your secret!!!

Answer 4

Well, in my experience your spouse probably has secrets too. Ideally the couple would share everything but that's not usually the case. However, I do think keeping secrets from each other is a symtom of the beginning of the breakdown of the marriage. I know it was in mine.

Answer 5

Of course, especially if that secret would hurt your partner or your marriage. I give 90% in a relationship, and hold 10% for myself, including some secrets. Other secrets to keep would be something a friend confided with you in private and you made a promise to keep it a secret. Those are two of the most important secrets to keep.

Answer 6

Secrets that are not affecting the marrieage directly or are not endagering any lives are OK to keep.

For example, your friend bought a pair of pants that look expensive but are actually cheap. She asked you to keep it secret. That's perfectly fine. Or she told you she's having problems in her personal life (that has nothing to do with your spouse or family) and asked you to keep it secret.

Your friend told you that she's totally frustrated with your neighbor's dog and is planning to poison it. That's a secret that's not OK to keep at all.

Some spouses don't share passwords to each other e-mails and still mantain happy marriages. As long as they are both OK with it and have no reasons to suspect each other - that's fine.

Answer 7

Sure. I think some secrets are ok. It all depends on the secret. My mother and I have a very close relationship. If she ever calls me up and says, " I have to share this with you ,but you have to swear never to repeat it." Then, I don't. It doesn't mean I don't love my husband. Or even that I'm trying to hide anything. It is simply, I said I wouldn't tell and I don't.

Answer 8

The phrase let sleeping dogs lay is what comes to mind....If it's before the marriage then leave it at that before the marriage. If it happened during the marriage then you should let it out because you don't want to ruin a good thing....a secret is a secret, there is no such thing as a little or big secret.

Answer 9

Yes, there are secrets, and even some that are ok in any relationship. However, if you have to ask about a specific one, it's probably not going to be good. You dye your hair, didn't wear your contacts today, sped on the way to work. These are probably ok. "I cheated on you today", "I spent the mortgage on a new pair of shoes", "I am a government spy". Probably not good ones to keep. Ok, well, maybe the spy one, lol, but not the others.

Answer 10

Well, I would say if you are going to have a strong relationship.............secrets are not good. I am sure that just about everyone tells a little white lie now and then like overspending at the grocery store............praying that he won't get that trophy deer so you don't have to have that hideous head on your wall, but wishing him good luck on his hunt........etc. But secrets are not good. Would you want him to keep the same sort of secret?