I am seeing this really great guy...really great. I am pretty sure he truly cares for me and I feel the same way. I also have an ex who I have two children with. The ex is having all sorts of problems (financial, depression and health). I have not been in love with him for a long time. But I never stopped loving him, if that makes sense. I am very concerned for him and I have been pushing him to take care of his issues and his health. It is important to me that he live a long time. For our kids sake and for his sake. I want to see him be happy. The man I am seeing now is aware of all of this and has been very supportive of my concerns and actions in regards to the ex. But I am worried that wont last long. I try not to talk about it, but sometimes I can't help it b/c it weighs heavy on my mind. How do I relieve myself of "taking care of" the ex and worrying about him? What if the man I am seeing asks me to make a choice? It's probably pre-mature...but I can see it coming.
2007-01-17 17:16:59 · 11 answers · asked by sammiejane67 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
And no, the ex is not playing me.
2007-01-17 17:18:03 · update #1
Because you and your ex have a history, you will always have a closeness, even if unspoken. It sounds like this new man is fairly understanding. It is great that he supports your concerns. You may want to find some other outlet at times though so you don't bombard him with these issues. But you do have to go with your heart if forced to make a choice. If this new man loves you, he wont ask you to. You have to think about where you want this relationship with this man to go. Then think about are your ex's issues standing in the way of that progress. Lastly, which is more important to you? Preserving what is left of your relationship with your ex or feeding your future relationship with this man? Only you know the answer to that. You sound very sweet and sincere. I wish you good luck.
2007-01-17 17:50:45 · answer #1 · answered by jerryo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes its good that you care for your ex. but not to the point it will jepordize what you have now with your new man. Perhaps your ex isn't taking the divorce well. but that doesn't mean he should ruin your happiness in what you have found with this man. So you can care for your ex but at a distance.
Get him the help he needs if its getting off the couch and seeing a physicatirst or going to the gym or getting hobbies or out meeting new people you point him in the right direction but he will have to do the work you can't baby sit or spoon feed him you will lose your life you have now then you both lose.
He needs to move on and pull himself back up. so be firm and kind but from a distance. I can see your future husband getting a bit bent out of shape if you carry this on too long.
2007-01-17 20:28:18 · answer #2 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this guy is as great as you say then he will not give you the drama of saying you have to make a choice. You seem like a nice person so the concern that you have for the ex will always be there. You have to break yourself away slowly from talking about his situations and try to focus in on whats in front of you. It hasn't happened yet so try not to stress it.
2007-01-17 17:42:42 · answer #3 · answered by newmother 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just started dating this guy two months ago who has kids and all and I am trying to be supportive of him. He treats me great and we really do love each other. If this guy really loves you like he says that he does then he will be understanding of your situation. Also, he should not have to ask you to make a choice if he really does love and trust you.
2007-01-17 19:50:10 · answer #4 · answered by Marie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can see it coming, then you should already have your answer to your question!
If he asks you to make a choice, then your choice should be for
your ex> and here's why!!
Simply because you are too focused on him and his well-being to have 'any' solid relationship with anyone.
No one likes playing 'second fiddle', and most men wouldn't understand the reason you give as to why you care so much about your ex.
My oppinion is, You really 'ARE' still 'IN' love with him but are
unwilling to admit it.
Sure, your marriage may have ended for whatever reason, but deep down inside you are 'still' in-love with him.
SO, until you can get over him in this regard, don't get serious with other men, as you are not giving them your 'total' love.
And that in itself is so unkind, to you and he both..
2007-01-17 17:43:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Because you have children together you ex will be part of your life until you die. Your new love will have to accept that. You can try to help your ex but you and he both must realize that you are no longer responsible for him. You need to concetrate on your new life and your new man.
2007-01-17 17:34:36 · answer #6 · answered by crazywoman88 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to be in a serious, committed relationship with another person, you will have to stop taking care of your "ex".
2007-01-17 17:59:23 · answer #7 · answered by myoctoberblues 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're right to think this way. Your ex can only be helped once he decides to help himself. Until then you're wasting your time. Let him know that when he's ready, you'll be happy to drive him to the doctors but until then, concentrate on your current bf while you still have one.
2007-01-17 17:52:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have a heart. your ex needs you for the kids sake and you.You love your ex. This man is only infatuation. you will get over him .
2007-01-17 17:30:53 · answer #9 · answered by ANU U 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your children are best of in a positive environment, that may not necessarily be with their natural father and you in a bad relationship (bad because you are not having your needs met- eventually you will resent the situation).
Speaking from experience... as an adult, wish my mum left my dad.. they stayed together, but they resented each other, atmosphere was crap most ot the time as they sniped and argued with each other..
2007-01-17 17:46:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋