My husband is a bit on the controlling side and back in about may 2006 i confronted him about it and told him that things needed to change but he is still trying to control me and treat me like I am his child. Some people believe that people don't change and some people believe that it is possible if they really want to. How long do I wait around for him to decide if he is going to straighten up or not? I want to give him time and a fair chance but how long is too long? I don't want to be living unhappily if he isn't going to change. I need help with whether I should stay with him and wait it out or leave and be happy.
2007-01-17 17:16:51 · 11 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Since it's difficult to judge things like this, one must do so on a case by case basis. My first question would be, "What exactly by controlling," is it? Telling you where to be and when, telling you what to do, etc. I admit I would probably put up with it for a little while, but not for long. Me personally...6 months. You sound a little overdue in my calculations. So here's what I would do. I'd change my persona a little bit. I'd start getting a little demanding and see how that changes things. This guy thinks the relationship is 70/30.
I don't think so. Last I checked it was 50/50. Change up your game. If he doesn't want counseling, and doesn't want to change, it's time to re-assess.
My older brother is VERY controlling, and I sometimes struggle to get along with him. Good luck on this. Hope things work out for the better for you.
2007-01-17 17:30:55 · answer #1 · answered by jokerscard692000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was wondering if you saw any red flags with his behavior while you were both dating. If you did see any, then you should have not married him. But, it is too late for that now.
You said you already confronted him last year, but he treats you the same way. Remember, it does take two to tangle. Maybe he thinks you are not treating him right either. If you two had talked about it and he hasn't changed, he may need counseling. And yes, people can change with the right counseling and with the right attitude. But, you can't change him either. He has to want to change himself.
If you want him to change, then you need to stick with him and support him. You are his wife. There is no reason for you to leave him now. He is not abusive to you. If you have kids, then he also should make an effort to change, but with your help too. This is not going to happen over night. He needs to know you will support him. Isn't that why you married him, "For better or for worse"? So if you have kids, stick it out and make it work.
But here, it seems like you didn't say how he is controlling you in detail. There is also some books to read called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage". You should get these books and both of you should read them. Hope this helps!
2007-01-17 18:17:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Now you need to leave and this time do it right. Find a job in the bad market and a place to live. Maybe you could share or go home?? Do not find a guy until you have found out who you are and what you are all about and then maybe it will be time to think about someone new. You really don't need any more kids so I hope that is over. It is hard to find a husband when you have 3 kids but plenty of girls have so you will do it too. I would like you to be very careful with who you choose because the happiness of your children matters. I hope you will be happy and find a great guy.
2016-05-24 02:30:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a loaded question if you believe you have to leave in order to be happy.
This seems like the perfect situation where you would benefit from having a neutral third party, a GOOD marital counselor. By good, I mean that he or she will guide you to safely explore ALL sides of the issue as honestly as possible. Would he go if you both seek counseling on this basis? If not, I think he will expect and fear to be cast as the bad guy, ganged up on by you and the counselor, and refuse to go. You need to approach it as a team who wants to improve.
Counseling should enable you to get past the vague "things need to change" to discrete practical ideas and recommendations.
Best of luck!
2007-01-17 17:44:06 · answer #4 · answered by and_y_knot 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He isn't going to change. You can not expect someone to change just because you are married to them. He was, beleive it or not this way when you got married but as they say "love is blind". The only thing marriage changes in people is their tax status, it does not change their personallities or who they really are. YOU have a decision to make for YOURSELF. No one on an internet message board can make that one for you.
2007-01-17 19:06:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First tell him you love him and will do whatever it takes to keep the marriage together.!
Then ask him if he would be willing to go to counceling with you!
You have to put the ball in his court 'so to speak'.
By saying these things to him you are making a viable statement
and then, you are giving him an opportunity to help make it work.
If he refuses to go to counceling with you, and seems oblivious to your willingness to do whatever it takes for the marriage.
Well dear, then you have your answer.
'ANY' man who is unwilling to seek help with his wife when there
are problems in the marriage, is either 'self righteous' (don't want to admit they could be wrong) Or they don't want anyone else to know what a jerk they are!! but again, that also is classified as
being 'self righteous.
If he does refuse I would try 'ONE' more time, after that 'FORGET
HIS CHOVANISTIC *** and leave him..
2007-01-17 17:57:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, try talking to him again. Refresh his memory. Then next time he says or does something controlling just stop and stare at him. Don't do what he says. Maybe he will get the message.
2007-01-17 17:23:06 · answer #7 · answered by crazywoman88 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My guess is this has been going on since the beginning of your relationship. He is the only one that can change himself, and your telling him to do so - will likely make it longer. Take only what you can and move on when you've given up.
2007-01-17 17:24:33 · answer #8 · answered by mattymomostl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are behaving like a child.Start controlling things around and show some attitude.When you are in charge he will change.
2007-01-17 17:27:26 · answer #9 · answered by ANU U 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
a person with a controlling personality probably won't ever change. Good luck
2007-01-17 17:22:23 · answer #10 · answered by heavenlyangelscent 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋