I am in a gay relationship with somebody. I love him very much and I know that deep inside of him he loves me too. We dont live together, just for the information. The problem is that sometimes I feel very alone. Days can go without him telling me that he loves me...I mean sometimes it's nice to hear it right? I always have to tell him and then he'll say it back. But it's rare when he says it first. He's very busy and lately even more cuz he has a big project due soon. That takes up a lot of his time and I respect and support him. I dont ask to be with him all day every hour on the hour because I know its not possible. But I wish that those couple of hours we talk on the phone would sound "sweeter." I dont like it that i always asks him about his work and everything but he rarely asks me about my activities, if ever. Why is he like this?I know he's faithful..I mean he barely even has a life outside of school.How can I tell him how I feel without him thinking im being overdramatic?
2007-01-17 16:43:24 · 12 answers · asked by David R 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Ah, it is so sad when you hear about people who don't show their feelings to the ones they love. You sound like a wonderful guy and he should be telling you this much more. Maybe it is just that he is so busy with so much on his mind at the moment and I can understand that you wouldn't want to hassle him with it. But if it goes on for too long you will get resentment building up inside of you, no matter how much you love him - you are only human after all.
I think that whoever it was above me that suggested you write down how you feel and leave it for him to read. Make sure that you don't make it sound like a guilt trip or anything and that you really didn't want to say anything but it is beginning to upset you. Say that all you want to do is support him and be there for him and not to be bothering him with something that seems so silly but that he needs a break from his project for his own sake, and you would love it if you could help him unwind!
Was he ever as demonstrative as you'd like him to be? Some people just don't know how to express their love verbally. If this is the case you may need to coax him into gently!
Good luck honey! x
2007-01-17 16:55:57 · answer #1 · answered by Tatsbabe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one, it's so hard to talk about this sort of thing without it's coming across as needy, and that's not what you mean, I can tell. You would just like a bit more feedback and emotional involvement, right?
The thing with guys, (like you don't know better than me) is many have trouble opening up this way. They feel uncomfortable expressing their love spontaneously, not because they don't feel it, but because of the vulnerability that goes with it.
Also, it sounds like your guy has a really full plate and may just not be thinking empathetically right now. When things ease up for him, and he has a couple of days off, take him away somewhere special and reconnect. You may find when the pressure is off, he's a much more loving man. Stress is definitely an intimacy damper.
2007-01-18 00:56:12 · answer #2 · answered by alisongiggles 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, its great you recognize his "limits." We all have them and your loving enough to accept his with an adult attitude, he's lucky to have you.
Yes, he's busy and he has his big project due, but that's his excuse FOR NOW. What was his excuse before the big project? School? Something else? In other words, do you ever expect things to change or will things always be as they are now? If you don't know, ask him. Just take him out to dinner or better yet, pick one up and make plans for an evening, he can't deny you one, once in a while. Write down what you've said here and ask about your future, about "will it ever change?" or will things remain the same? ONLY THEN will you ever know where your relationship is going. If he says, "I don't know," that's a cop out and means, "No, things won't change." Otherwise, he's say, "look, I still have this much left to do before I'm out of school, I need to finish this, yadda yadda yadda." But by cutting it off, FINAL, he realizes what he wants to give and not give and already knows what he's going to do. In that case, I hate to say it, but get out while you hurt only as bad as you do, if he even notices.
Sorry, I really, seriously don't want to be a downer, you sound like a fantastic guy and he sounds like a catch, what with wanting to do well for himself. However, there is 2 people in your relationship, and you make it sound like your just a booty call. :///
2007-01-18 01:00:38 · answer #3 · answered by AdamKadmon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you are experiencing this ....But this life style is lonely....You will experience rejection, loss of friends , family, society does not condone your life style....
Now before you shut me out .please think about it....You don't really know what your friend is doing....and who cares?
You are on the outside and can't get in......Not in the way you want to...Gay is not GAY .it is lonely ..maybe now , if you are young it seems Fun, parties, dancing , sex and whatever that life style does...... But as you get older, where will you be ? Gay life is driven by the appearance of money, affluence, looks and more than anything else youth....so as time goes on you age out........
Think hard about what you are doing and try to understand the truth about being gay.......You know that theres an uneasiness that goes with this lifestyle.......
2007-01-18 01:19:36 · answer #4 · answered by cesare214 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to point this out to you but if he is in school and very busy and still gives you two hours on the phone he is being generous and you are being a drama queen.
Give him enough space to miss you a little.
2007-01-18 01:07:45 · answer #5 · answered by chuck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hunny, this isn't a very healthy relationship for you, even though you love him and it willl hurt to break up with him it's probably better that you do so tat it doesnt hurt any worse in the long run, you deserve someone who's going to take care of you, and love you, and show you that they love you, and omg, if this guy doesn't stop sending me Instant Messages im going to shoot him, oh sorry that wasn't supposed to show up
but anyways dude, i really hope that everything works out for you, and you really should find someone who appreciates you more than your bf does...
<3
Steve-O
2007-01-18 01:01:53 · answer #6 · answered by Steve 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds that you are really upset about this and you need to talk to your partner about the way you are feeling. In my experience i have realized that as much as we would like to think our partners know us well enough to read our minds, they really can't. Your partner may be so involved in what he is doing that he don't realize how he is making you feel. Just talk to him and be honest. I am sure that it will all work out.
2007-01-18 00:52:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
seems you've to control your feelings of being lonely. keep yourself busy.
try to spent some quality time while together. and try not to let your feelings dominate the relationship. seems your partner needs some free space for himself too?
2007-01-18 00:49:27 · answer #8 · answered by dream_drifter05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
write down what you wanna say and make sure its the way you want it to be understood and said, then tell him in person
Hope this helped
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2007-01-18 00:48:22 · answer #9 · answered by absoluteao 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TAKE TURNS ASKING AND ANSWERING EACH OTHERS QUESTIONS. IT'S A GOOD WAY TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. IF YOU CAN, GET A LOVING PET TO FILL EMPTY TIME
2007-01-18 01:00:33 · answer #10 · answered by #1barnie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋