I'm the quiet type, i need help with long term relationships?

Question

People usually tell me that i'm quiet. Which i am. I'm not so much shy, i can walk up to someone and introduce myself. But most likely i don't have much to say afterward except boring conversation.

This creates problems with my long term relationships see? Because i'm a quiet woman, what general type of man would benefit me and him?

Answer 1

I think you are close to finding the answer yourself. You want someone who will benefit from being with you. It doesn't sound like you're boring to me, if you think this way. It sounds like you understand the importance of a good relationship - you don't have to talk to give support to someone and you don't have to be a copy of someone either. What you are benefits him, and what he is benefits you. There you are - now to find it...

For most of us, it's not what subject you talk about, it's how you listen. With compassion and interest, with hope that you both learn something before you part. And what we learn the most, when we talk to someone we have a connection with, is about ourselves, that we are not alone in our thoughts, having someone listen to us, gives our thoughts validity.

Open up and don't hold back when you relate to others. It sounds like you already are doing this - I mean here you are, opening up about something so intimate as finding a real relationship.

If you need subjects to talk about, watch the news, not sitcoms, read biographies rather than fiction. What are your interests? Read about those, watch TV about subjects that make you more interesting, by expanding your knowledge.

Do you believe in the concept of opposites attract? I do. A talker usually likes being around a listener, a cook, likes being around someone with a healthy appetite.

Don't sell yourself short, I'm sure if you keep looking and aren't afraid to approach someone you find drawn to, you will, eventually, find the man right for you, then as you said - as you hope to - find a relationship where each of you benefits from each others strong points.

Answer 2

Relationships are tricky no doubt ... one of the reasons for this is that we are all individuals and have different ways of responding to the environment.

It is often said that opposites attract and this is possibly true. Our opposite often represents our shadow or hidden personality and we instinctively know that if we could get in touch with this part of our personality we would be more whole.

People who are quiet are sometimes attracted, if the chemistry is right, to those who are more vocal, and vice versa (of course this is not always true .... :-S). This is due to the recognition of something they lack in their own personality. It could be that they think the person will bring them out a bit or that they will help them relax more, but often we hanker after that which we do not have.

However this can eventually lead to breakup as professionals will tell you (what originally brings the people together are the same things that eventually cause break up).

So how to cope with this ... the truth is that opposites do attract but relationships only work out well if our goals and values are synchronised with those of our partner. The major challenge in this is that most people do not have goals and may even have difficulty verbalising their values.

When you meet someone and the relationship has moved to the stage where longevity is a consideration, it would be worthwhile asking your partner what his or her goals and values are. If they are very different from yours this is a huge clue to how the relationship will turn out once the initial romance has passed, and it usually does, or is at least less intense.

Many people make the mistake of thinking that they can change someone. This is utter folly. The hardest thing to do is change behaviour even our own when we are committed to the change.

So to summerize things a bit ... my suggestions to you is just be yourself ... recognize what you want from the relationship and your partner and see if your partner is in sync (whether he's verbose or not doesn't really matter ...).

Answer 3

I am also told that I'm very quiet by coworkers, but my fiance is also quiet...at first. When people really get to know him, he is very outspoken about his views and can be really funny, yet doesn't cross the line of being obnoxious. I think you would benefit from someone who is also quiet, but once he's comfortable with someone, both of you can have interesting conversations. Be prepared for occasional communication problems though, and since you'd both be on the quiet side, you have to work a little harder at expressing your wishes to each other. We're still working on this, and we have a tendency to get into small arguments and then stay to ourselves for awhile afterwards, and that's a bad habit to get into when you're a naturally quiet person. It causes you to hold things back and then explode a few months later over old arguments that weren't resolved.

We're both loners also, not to an extreme, but we don't do double dates or anything like that. We're homebodies, and when we go out, it's just us with the kids or a nice evening to ourselves.

Although you may benefit from someone the complete opposite from you, I don't think that will be the case. Find someone who is like you in terms of personality, and work on your communication with that person. Quiet couples tend to have a problem with communication, so just be aware that it will be your biggest issue.

By the way, getting together with someone who talks constantly about themselves isn't that great. You want someone who respects that couples can have a comfortable silence between them, and conversation doesn't have to be 24/7. I've been on those dates with guys who go on and on about themselves, and it gets very old and irritating after awhile. Sure, you're a good listener, but you also need people to hear you out too. I didn't like dating loud people either because when you're a naturally quiet person, it becomes embarrassing to go anywhere with them.

Answer 4

You don't need help with long-term relationships. You just have to be honest with yourself in admitting that very few relationships, even so-called long-term ones, last. Agree with earlier post: just be yourself. Once you change to accommodate someone else, you'll have a tough time, especially trying to go back to your true self. Be patient. "Take your time / you will find / what your heart desires" ~ Descendents quote, gotta like that as an extra bonus.

Answer 5

You need a guy that likes to talk about himself.
Everyone loves good listeners, especially people who want someone in their life that will listen to them and not tune out.

Actually it's more important in all relationships that we are good listeners than good converstionalists.

You can be SO interesting to just about anyone by simply listening and giving them comments about what you just heard them say. By doing this, you will come across as being intelligent and you will find that people will soon be asking for your advice, since they trust you.

Listeners always come across as being smart and full of wisdom.

I don't see that this will be a challenge for you. It should come easy for you.

We all wish there were more good listeners to hear us out.

Good Luck. You will do great.

Answer 6

Believe me, there is nothing wrong with being "the quiet type".
You are ideally suited for a man who does'nt want to expend either time or energy arguing, and who just wants to come home, be with his woman, and enjoy life.
A LOT of men would be thrilled to have someone like you.
A LOT.

Answer 7

the actuality he lied/concealed her shows something befell. perchance he's extra of LDR guy, somewhat than having somebody there finished time ? some human beings like their very very own area, somewhat than living with a man or woman. perchance he sees this lady as an 'get away', faraway from on an popular basis existence.. i think like i'm being a b*tch, yet is my real opinion. i think of you may desire to ask him, he may be indignant you checked his hone, yet you chanced on something, you need to renowned.

Answer 8

The type that understands your silence and sees it as an obstacle to overcome. Some people see shy people as a challenge, and love to get them to open up. Try looking for more playful guys, especially ones that make you blush. ^^

Answer 9

Just get some books on making conversation, focus on the other person(s) more than self to relieve any self conciousness. YOu know at barnes n nobles they also have some GREAT cd's on self confidence. I used to listen to those and they were quite helpful for me back then.

Answer 10

What type of guy do you like.
Can you live with someone who talks all the time so you do not
have to, or would that drive you crazy?
How are we supposed to know?
You have to find that out by yourself really, there is no special
type for people, it is individual preference.