You don't regret divorcing your ex but the loneliness is crushing.?

Question

How many people are out there who have divorced their exe's, after a long marriage, or are aged in their fifties and single, who completely understand why many unhappy marriages are still together.
The alternatives are no fun, the loss of income, home, the children supporting one parent or the other, after being used to large get togethers at holidays, now finding yourself alone, coming home to an empty house, not comfortable accepting support offered from married friends who are busy with their own families, listening to work colleagues talk about their families, husbands when they have no idea what a struggle being a single mother can be, or a single person having to do everything themselves around the home with absolutely no-one else to help.
The worst by far is the loneliness.
I am not saying that marriages where there is abuse should still stay together, but I can understand why women in particular, stay in an unhappy marriage.
What do others feel about this?

Answer 1

Hi!! I find that most people in your situation have had a rough time "moving on" because they spent their entire adulthood with that other person (husband/wife) and therefore never really developed their own personal "identity."

Best thing to do, is to start exploring who you are. If you develop your character, your self worth, your interests, you can't possibly be lonely. You would be too busy to be thinking about regrets. You wouldn't have time to wallow under crushing loneliness.

Go and find yourself dawling. You are worth it.

Answer 2

I am in my 50s, am divorced The alternatives are wonderful. I have my life back. I am able to make my own choices. My daughter does not support me I support myself, I work for a living (imagine that!) I enjoy quiet holidays. I have no problems with hearing my friends talk about their families. I don't mind coming home to an "empty house". And being alone doesn't mean being lonlely. You are looking at divorce as a horrible thing...sometimes it can be the best thing for both partners. I lost no income, I didn't want the house we lived in when we purchased it so Iost no "home"...it was a house, my "home" is in my heart. LIfe is what YOU make it...if you want to make it miserable it will be whether you are married or single...if you want to make it great it will be whether you stay married or become divorced.

Answer 3

I'm sure it must be difficult but life isn't that unfair ! coz think about it this way,at least your coming to a big empty house that is peaceful and not where your husband is yelling abuses at you and punching blows at you.all of us have a purpose in life and the path is laid out for us.we have to deal with whatever comes along -head on.sure there will be moments when you feel why me and stuff like that but that's life way of making you a fighter and a strong individual.there are lot of other women your age and single,I'm sure you could hang out with them. make your beautiful life use-full to others(with some social work,you'll get much more in return) . so what if your kid is supporting you..didn't you do a lot for them when they were younger ? in this world everyone stands alone.we are born alone and we die alone.rest is all an illusion.enjoy your life and remember there are people out there whose problems are worse than loneliness. keep yourself fit.cheers. good luck and have fun.

Answer 4

I am praying for restored marriage and my husband is on the way back home. I have been through what you are going through right now, but I don't get lonely anymore because God takes care of me and I give all my situations to Him. God is a great husband and he will meet all of your needs. God will also give you so much peace that you wonder how people make it without God. If you like, you can visit this web site and these people help the separated & divorce people and they can send you to the right person to talk to: www.rejoiceministries.org. I will be praying for you & your family!

Answer 5

I sympathize with you completely. And I agree that a lot of women stay in a relationship for that exact reason. I'm one of em! Because it would be worse than being alone. A dead relationship is a little better than no relationship. Not to mention the loss of income. He doesn't make much, but I get no help from child support or family, and right now I'm on unemployment until Feb soo....it's more convenient for both of us right now, it would cost too much for either one of us to make it alone

Answer 6

It will get better with time. In the meanwhile why not keep yourself busy and maybe meet new people. Why not try some volunteering somewhere? It's a good way to keep busy and meet new people at the same time. Go out with friends, be with family. You are going through alot of major changes and it's going to take some time to get use to. Don't be scared to ask for help, thats what friends and family are for. As for loneliness, keep busy, get some pets, keep your mind occupied.

Answer 7

I was in the process of getting divorced in 1992, my choice, two young children ages 9 and 3. I had always done Thanksgiving at my house but couldn't that year since I was giving up my house and looking for a new one. My sister-in-law did Thanksgiving at her house for the family, but didn't invite me. (to this day I have never confronted her on this). I decided to take the kids out to Thanksgiving dinner that day, but the only restaurants open were too expensive for us. We ended up at home eating hot dogs. Lonely, painful time? Yes. Worth it in the long run? Absolutely.

Answer 8

I think we all go through them feelings at frist untill acceptance of our new selfs feels comfortable.We get lonely.And at frist we feel like the odd ball,there once was 2 nows theres 1.It takes some time to get to know ourselfs again as 1.Once we accept our new life after divorce and give our selfs time to heal its not bad at all.

Answer 9

You will need counseling and help to get past this and start to heal and be okay being alone... After sometime you may want to make new friends to hang out with or start dating again. Feeling lonely is normal.