married for 1 year, he has cancer, i'm only 29, can't stand the pain and suffereing he is going thru, should i run away? his parents are healthy enough to look after him. I love him but i want my life back
2007-01-17 15:23:08 · 28 answers · asked by df a 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Lots of well meant advise so far. HOWEVER. I knew a woman who would never have dreamt she could go through what she did with her dying husband, but she did, & amazed herself. I don't think that's your question; in fact, if you feel OBLIGATED, he'll know it, & might be better off if you did "run away." It's you choice. In my opinion, if you do something because someone says it's the "right" thing to do, it is meaningless. Get on with you life if that's what's more important to you. The "pain & suffering" you don't feel you san stand, can't compare to what he's going through, but bottom line--you may do him a service by being true to "yourself." An act of "kindness" is not true unless felt in the heart. Make your own choice & don't rely on others to advise you
Edit: Many, many "kind" answers, empathetic to your husband. But I'll give just one example of a client I had, whose father jumped off the Golden Gate bridge when he discovered he was "terminal" & his only caregiver would have been his reluctant wife. Repeat: you can do more harm than good if you can't take the pain & suffering. There are consequences of whatever choice you make. But it is YOURS TO MAKE.
2007-01-17 15:50:40 · answer #1 · answered by Psychic Cat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow that is a very interesting question you have there. . .please take this and everyone else's answers as opinions only and make your own decision. . .
When you married your husband you took a vow to be there for him through sickness and in health and whatever other problems/obstacles that may come. . . if one of your first thoughts/questions that come to mind when thinking about your husband's suffering is whether or not you should stay because you want your life back, you should not have been in this marriage. Love nowadays is taken so lightly. . . you should want to be by his side because of his suffering (TO COMFORT HIM!) and not just leave him. . how would you feel if someone you devoted your life to left you when you were ill . .
That makes me angry and concerned how people abuse marriage and their vows. . . I understand you want your life back but then again I don't . . .I know it is not hard to stay in a situation like this but isn't that a little selfish? I'm sure he is already suffering enough and having his wife leave him at a time like this would be devasting (so I think). No you should stay. . if you really love him.
I'm sorry, my answer is only an opinion but that could be a little harsh. . .you need to really think this over and not depend on the answers of us Yahoo people ( I can't believe you would put your husbands life in the hands of strangers by asking a question like that). . I mean this is someone's life and yours. . .Good Luck and God Bless. . .
2007-01-17 15:38:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO WAYYYYYYYYYYYY. you should not even contiplate this or even have such feelings. I know your scared but your husband needs you now more than ever you must be his rock. and stand by him and help him in anyway you can. You just don't flea like this. Please don't do this. You want your life back you say. well you will sadly enough as he has cancer and if its not cureable. but make the days he has here left the best for him. and let him know how much you love him and show him. please don't be thinking about yourself right now. if this helps try picturing this senerio with your husband as you another words if the tables were turned and you had cancer and been married a year and your husband wanted to leave you how would this make you feel inside.
you have plenty of life left to live unfortunately your husbands is limited so do the right thing and make his life wonderful while he's still here with you. you will have your time later.
Do the right thing Please!
2007-01-17 20:48:07 · answer #3 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound very selfish. Did you hear your vows? For better or for worst. Why did you get married: if you love him: you will be there until the end. Just think if it was you, can you imagine your husband leaving you at your time of need. Be grateful that you do have your life and a healthy one: (your life is with your husband whom you got in front of the Lord and made that sacred commitment to him and the Lord. This man who you married was to be your soul mate. Your husband need you: be there for him, and keep the faith.
2007-01-17 16:59:41 · answer #4 · answered by neenarosdee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you married him it was supposed to be "in sickness and in health". He's sick and he needs you. Stay with him, help take care of him and above all love him. Of course you want your life back. How do you think he feels? Do you think he doesn't want his back? His parents have know him a lot longer than you so if you think it's tough on you, consider the hell his parents are going through.
I don't know what type of cancer he has or what his prognosis is, but if he comes through this, you BOTH will be better people for it. If he doesn't, cherish the time left with him.
2007-01-17 15:31:37 · answer #5 · answered by katydid 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He got here sparkling with making out with a woman from athe bar. i think of there are various different issues that he might have executed that could have been lots worse. it may be bery stressful to forgive him yet that's the element to do at this element. He did admit it to you after mendacity approximately it. This female might have come directly to him and tempted him. They have been the two probably eating and their judgement won't have been as solid because it is going to have been. There could be no element so which you will get the small print considering which you may play them repeatedly on your head and that would not help nor could it carry closure to what happened. there is an threat that he ought to come out of this experience with a greater good verify to stay dedicated to you. the drawback is that he ought to cheat returned. i think of with the given actuality which you're dealing with chemo spectacular now that to forgive him and pass forward may be the greater loving pass to take and the greater advantageous direction to bypass in. It would not down play the reality that this happened and that he broke your heart with this incident. You in no way stated how long you're married or if there are any little ones in contact. solid luck in in spite of you compromise on.
2016-10-31 10:08:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just when I think I've heard the worst kinds of people someone else show's me even lower kinds of humanity.I don't believe that you asked that question,but now that you did.Your husband needs lots of love and support to get through cancer and I don't see him getting that from you.I wonder if the roles were reversed what kind of support he would be for you. I believe life is full of trials and tests and this is yours,hopefully you'll chose the right path.Good luck!
2007-01-17 15:38:10 · answer #7 · answered by sasyone 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No not at all ... This is very selfish on your part... He needs you now more then ever and you really need to be there for him. Do not run away... You vowed to love him through sickness and health and through better or worse til death do you part lady. You are not free of these vows until he passes away. How can you even think of doing this to him? How would you feel if you were in his shoes and he wanted out because you were sick?
2007-01-17 15:29:05 · answer #8 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should be ashamed of yourself. It could very well be you, not him. Try to think how you would feel. Poor guy, I hope he makes it and hope he finds somebody who will love him no matter what.
Why did you marry him if you weren't even willing to stand by him in his illness. Would you want somebody to dump you if had cancer. You are a very selfish person who thinks you are above any bad things happening to you in this life. Well honey you're not, you're human just like the rest of us.Sometimes we should do what's right not just what we might feel like doing.
2007-01-17 15:33:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't stand the pain and suffering he is going through? It sounds more like you can't stand the pain and suffering YOU are going through by having your lifestyle cramped by his illness. If you really love him, you will stay with him as long as possible and make his life as happy as possible if the cancer is terminal. Unfortunately, this doesn't sound like the case.
2007-01-17 15:28:48 · answer #10 · answered by shorteegrrl588 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋