Possibly in over my head?

Question

For the past month or so, I've been involved in a very intimate relationship with my best friend. When we're alone, we have the most incredible relationship and I love the time I spend with her. But, when we're in public it's a completely different story. I've come to accept the fact that I've fallen in love with another woman, but I think my girlfriend is really struggling with it. A few times we've been out somewhere, I forget were out in public, and I make a mistake and call her "baby" or some other pet-name, and suddenly she'll shrug me off and ignore me. She's accused me of doing it on purpose, she's cussed me out in public and humiliated me. She's accused me of doing it on purpose, I mean I have gone through hell with this stuff. It's to the point where I feel like I'm dating two different people, and I feel like she's emotionally abusive. I want to hold her hand, and I want to kiss her and things like that, but she's so afraid to and now I'm even scared to do any of that, I feel

like I'm waiting on her to finally decide to own up to me when I'm already ready to do that with her. I've cried about it, it really hurts my feelings, because she suggested we get into the relationship when I was unsure, and now she acts as if she's having second thoughts. So, I guess my question is, am I in over my head with her, or is there some way I can make her more comfortable with showing some affection towards me in public?

I'm 20, and I know what I want, I feel like she doesn't. I feel like the whole split personality thing is a warning sign and it's too confusing. I want to help her be more comfortable. We've talked about it before, more like argued, but we still seem to be having conflicts about this issue.

Maybe I should clarify the whole "cussing out" thing. We were shopping in a busy store, and I said yelled something like, "Hey baby, look at this" and she rolled her eyes and walked away. She said I was doing it purposely, and she told me to and I quote, "**** off, dumb ***". Of course I follow after her and ask her what's wrong, and I say something like, "What's wrong, baby". And then she gets loud and calls me a *****, dumb ***, **** me, etc. That's an example of what I've had to endure.

Answer 1

there is no way to tell if she really wanted you or just wanted a play thing. Some people just aren't comfortable with PDA, be it same sex, or opposite sex.

You need to talk to her about this.......
Depending on your age (you seem about 16- to early 20's), you need to fully figure out who YOU are before commiting yourself to someone else.

She seems like she is playing on your emotions and I would not keep her around as a gf for very much longer.


Edit:

I personally would not stand in a verbally abusive relationship. Belive me, I know how easy it is to slip and call someone their pet name, when it is "unacceptable" (me an my partner work together, and we are constantly reminding each other to call each other by given name instead of baby, lol).

My ex, was verbally abusive, and it actually started out this way, by refusing public PDA (of any kind, even a whispered "i love you"), and I got yelled at and verbally assulted all the way home and once we got home.

It seems like she is still "in the closet" and does not want anyone to know she has a female lover, girlfriend or whatever she claims you to be. You may need to remove yourself from the situation to let her know that you are indeed serious about the relationship being made valid, by in some way being put on public display that you "belong" to each other (with each other, together, dating, what ever phrase you would like to call it).....

If she can not, do this, give her time. However if she REFUSES to do this, It might be time to high tail it out of there and find someone that is more out.

You also have to think of your state and city, if your state is bible belt (like mine) or is a small town, where everyone knows everyone elses business, then that may be one reason she likes to keep it on the low.....it all depends on situation....

if she however refuses to talk about it, you live in an accepting state/town (either or, it's up to you), and have GLBT friendly places or friends, and she still refuses to recognize in public that you are together (which for all purpose and intent would "put her up" as available) then as I said, I would get out of there asap......

goodluck

Answer 2

marvelous. Bengie is a superb %. up for the Giants, b/c he has done exceptionally solid with that team, does not you're saying... yet heavily why didn' the take the Mets deal? (i recognize why i will get to that later) he's been declaring all alongside that he needed more desirable years form the Mets that he needed more desirable than 3 and he grew to develop into down a 2 year deal the former day from the Mets and then he is going and indications a three hundred and sixty 5 days deal in San Fran... dude... Delgado is solid for a DH and that i love him in a Jay's uniform, if not something it will draw some followers to help the Jays out. He continuously hit nicely there, he can upload to his all time domicile runs chief huge form for the Jays. ...And the Mets stay a derailed mess of a franchise that no man or woman needs to play for... why does Minaya nonetheless have a pastime? Molinia did not opt for to bypass to the Mets, undeniable and easy... I don' imagine Jay Bay or Lackey did both... fireplace Minaya Mets, heavily...

Answer 3

Not many people can accept lesbianism, and your girlfriend is just afraid to make it public. She is probably still confused about her sexual preference and I can understand how she wants to keep this below radar. If I was a lesbian, I wouldn't want to make it public either, as I don't know how the reaction from other people would be. You might be ready to go open with this, but she isn't, and you have to respect that. That doesn't mean that she is playing with you though. But you might have to be prepared that she might never want to expose this relationship and you both might have to keep it hush hush unless she is totally crazy about you, or she is the type who doesn't care what other people think about her

Answer 4

I hope you put her in her place after she cussed you out. She sounds like a mean *a*s*s*b*i*t*c*h*, if you ask me. I think if you want someone to understand ur feelings, you have to approach them in a different manner and I think she's being really ridiculous to cuss you out. That just boggles my mind! Wow.
It sounds like she was trying to make you feel as uncomfortable as she was. If you really feel like the relationship is worth it, respect her feelings, but also, seriously, let her know the cussing out stuff is not cool! If she's in it for the long-run, she'll get tired of hiding it. Interesting question, Roni. Good luck.

Answer 5

I went through this with my g/f and frankly we never came to any conclusion.

However she does not have any business cussing you out and humiliating you because you love her. Tell her to knock it off. You may seriously want to think about why you are putting up with this kind of behavior and make sure you are not being compulsive about her and confusing that with love. Your love deserves better treatment but only you can make it so.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

she is clearly being emotionally abusive. this kind of behavior is not acceptable and you need to get out now! if she threatens you or harms you, there are places for you to go and numbers for you to call. if she ever does that, i recommend a restraining order if you think the situation needs it.

go date someone else. you deserve better.

Answer 7

Take her to places that are *overly* LGBT-friendly. Talk to her and work on building up her confidence and acceptance of her sexuality.

Answer 8

HY HONS GAY BOYFRIEND DAVIIE AND STEEVIIE GAY PORNO STARS AND, NUDE WAITERS GAY MENS BAR RESTAURANTS, AND, MALE STRIPPERSS AND LEADING NUDE MALE CENTERFOLD MODEELS, AND SWIMWEARR THONGS, BEACHWARE, AND SPEEDIOUS, MODEELS, AND HONS YOU NEEED TOO RELAX AND LEARN THAT IN PUBLICC, THESE DAYS YOU JUST ACT LIKE TO HAPPY GO LUCK, GAY WOMENN, ITS A VERY VERY DANGEROUS WORLD OUT THERE AND WE THINK YOUR NOW GORLFRIEND IS TRYING TOO TRAIN YOU THAT HEY IN PUBLICC BACK OFF AND JUST BE CONTIENT WITH ACTING LIKE HER STRAIGHT FRIEND OR SISTERR. SOMETHING IN THIS OTHER GIRLS PAST IS TELLING US THAT SOMETHING VIOLENTLY EITHER HAPPNED TO HER AND SISTER SHE AINT TELLING YOU EVERYTHING. WHEN YOU ARE HOME BEHIND CLOSE DOORS ITS FINE. BUT IN TODAYS WORLD YOU NEVER NEVER WANT TO SHOW DISPLAYS OF AFFECTIONS. MY BOYFRIEND AND I GO THREW THE SAME THING IN THIS CRAZY VIOLENT F- UPED WORLD. WE ACT AS SRAIGHT AS CAN BE OUT IN PUBLIC HONS. IF YOU NEED TOO MAKE A CHANGE YOUR GOONA GO THREW THE SAME THINGS IN PUBLIC FACE IT NO MATERR WHO YOU ARE WITH.

Answer 9

I believe you are in over your head.. ...Why would you chose a female over a male? I HATE when people preach at me, I feel like it makes people not want to listen when gospel is being shoved down their throat. But I also know that sugar coating ever thing is so much worse. I don't write you now to preach at you but to hopefully help you open your eyes. If I was to set here and tell you, if you think its fine to be with another woman that that is your choice or your decision, that would be the worst thing I can think of for me to do to you.. But I am here to say that that is not what God/Jesus wants for your life. In Leviticus 20:13 it says, If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them. In Romans 1:26-27 it says, For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.
Do you want to receive that kind of judgement from God? What makes it okay? God created female for male, He told us that it is an abomination for men to be with men or woman with woman. In the dictionary abomination means, abhorred, a vile, shameful, or detestable action. What makes it okay? Please think about that and read it for yourself

Answer 10

Sweetheart,I wish you were my girlfriend.You sound incredibly sweet and caring.Someday you'll find someone with same qualities.