How do you handle your new life?

Question

I have lived in New York almost all my life.It the only place that truly feels like home to me. But, I moved to California 5 months ago. I don't like it here, because I feel like an outcast and I am not good at sinking in all these changes. I've lost my appetite for 3 months, lost 10 pounds, and my average dropped. I become more irratible and pessimistic. I can't deal with all the changes. Everything here seems so different than New York. I try to make new friends, but I purposely push them away and refuse myself from getting any closer to them. I miss my old friends and sometimes even though it's not right, I compare them to my old friends. I guess it is hard to make new friends in High school because everyone already have close friend starting from elementary and middle school. Sometimes, it feels like my friends sort of pushes me away, kind of like as if they have no more room for another friend in their little "clique." What should I do?

Answer 1

Here are some of my suggestions for you.
1. Do you have a hobby you used to do or still do rarely? I think that if you took up a new or forgotten hobby again it would make you feel more comfortable. Try learning to play an instrument. Maybe then, (after lots of practice alone at home, since it sounds like you don't go out much) you could join the school band or any other band at your school and meet some people
2. Instead of trying to "fit in" with various cliques, work on discovering your true self and showing it. Look, act, and eventually be confident in yourself, and people will soon be attracted to you as a friend.
3. Give yourself a makeover. Make yourself look as great as you possibly can. Get a new haircut, change your clothing style. Making friends is all about confidence, and if doing these things will make you more confident, then do it!
4. It sounds like you are terribly homesick. My advice for you is to go out on a week vacation and see the main sights of California. Change is ALWAYS hard, but if you embrace it instead of fearing it, it will become easier.
5. My other advice for you would be to take up a sport. Exercise relives stress, and you feel GREAT afterward. Even if you don't get it at first, keep trying. Maybe, you could join up with a sport team at high school. When you're on a high school sport team, you are almost automatically in a clique. I REALLY recommed athletic activities, for I believe they will help relive your stress, irratability, and pessimisticness.

You are taking a step in the right direction by trying to make your move better and you more comfortable. Remember to always keep trying, keep your head up, and embrace, not fear, this change and others that will fall before you on the path of life.

Answer 2

For one thing, you're grieving the loss of your former life and all your friends there. Sometimes you feel depressed, sometimes you angry, which means you haven't moved to acceptance of your new life yet. Yet. That's why you feel edgy...why you make the mistake of pushing people away.

But until you do accept that your old life is over, you won't be able find happiness and success in your new life.

It WILL help to make new friends. But making friends is a gradual process. You have to start by making casual acquaintances. Since you don't want everyone you meet to be a friend, just let it happen. As you get to know people better, you'll discover that you have some common ground with some of them. You'll find you like some of them. And some of them will like you. But all this takes time. If you make one friend the first year, that will be on par...pretty good success. The second year, you'll make more. Some of these friends will eventually become close friends. The main thing is, you can't rush it. You just can't. That means you have to be patient. If you can't be patient, just be yourself and let things happen, then...well...you'll continue to be unhappy.

You didn't think all this would be simple and easy...did you? If you lived in New York, you know...life doesn't work that way.

Answer 3

You are doing one of the hardest things to do moving to a new location. It's going to take time and it is not easy but if you really try it does work out. Maybe you need to be a little more outgoing I know thats hard but try. Think of things you can enjoy in your new enviorment weather, parks, food places. Explore your surroundings. This is from someone who has had a similar experience. It took me 6 to 8mons. to really function. Please keep rying it will get better. Good Luck

Answer 4

It's not easy moving...Especially when you are in high School.
The good news is that it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do.
My advise is for you to find someone (Parent, relative, mentor, counseler) to continue talking this over with.....It's amazing how much that will help!

Hang in there! It gets Better!
Good luck......

Steve