My husband doesn't want sex as much as I do. What can I do?

Answer 1

Send me your picture. Maybe I can help you out.

Answer 2

I have a few suggestions. Let me get one out of the way but explain the reason right after. 1) Masturbate. The reason I suggest this is because you will keep your feelings of passion up while helping release some of the tension. Believe me, I have learned it works :) The first suggestion will take some of the pressure off your husband so that you can do 2) give him TIME. Don't talk about it for a while, do not approach him for it, or anything for maybe a week or several weeks, depending on what is a while for you. While you wait really guiltessly indulge in #1. Then, 3) give him a note -- handwritten -- saying that you would like to have a conversation with him about the issue, but that he can relax because you are not going to attack or accuse. Give him a couple choices of dates and times -- a real appointment! Put little hearts, etc., and end it with Love, ____. This note will also be viewed as nonthreatening.

Now, you get to wait until the appointed time and then be all smiles and ears. Share with him what you have noticed (non accusingly!) and ask him to please let you know what he's been feeling. Do not let him off the hookwith a basic answer. he knows the meeting is to clear the air on this and he's had enough time to think about it. Keep smiling and listening and gently urging him to "Tell me more."

Listen carefully and do not be defensive. By giving him space to talk you may be saving your love life, if not your marriage. Respond to him when he's finished using "I" statements -- not pushing any blame around (though I am sure he could have handled this better than cold-shouldering you).

By the end of the conversation, you should have a clear idea about what's going on and he should have an idea of how it makes you feel. maybe once the air is cleared, you can have the best treat of all -- make-up sex!!

Good luck!

Answer 3

You're not the only woman to ask this question (you're just one of the few brave enough to ask it out loud!). Women have such a reputation for hating sex, but I've honestly known a LOT more women with this problem (partner not wanting sex) than men.

First, try having a conversation OUTSIDE OF THE BEDROOM, in which you can both calmly discuss what your desires are in regards to sex frequency.

Second, if you can't reach some sort of agreement on your own, consider couples therapy. (And if he won't go with you, consider going alone - this sort of thing can be confusing and hurtful, and a counselor can help you deal with those feelings.)

Third, if he seems to be seriously lacking in sex drive, encourage him to see a doctor for a full medical evaluation. I know one man who wound up finding out his testosterone levels were low and he had a small tumor pressing on his thyroid gland! Sometimes there are medical causes for this type of thing - hormone levels, medication side-effects, diseases such as diabetes or depression, etc.

Fourth, remember that sometimes these things don't really have anything to do with you as a person or as a woman. Don't let this feed into issues with low self-esteem, etc. Do things that make you feel attractive and vivacious (color your hair, dress nicely, take the occassional spa day, etc.).

Good luck!

Answer 4

I have that same problem. I'm 34. My husband is 50 almost 51.
He works long hours and has a lot of physical problems. Arthritis,
diabetes, degenerative disc disease in his back. Most of the time he is in pain. I hear "I'm too tired. I hurt so much." a lot as excuses. Sometimes I offer massages with Ben Gay and an infared heat massager in order to help with the pain and to be close to him.
I've tried the sexy night gowns, the striptease stuff, sneaky oral sex in the middle of the night, fancy dinners, candlelight, xxx videos, etc. Unfortunately, none of that stuff works because
his physical pain overides his sex drive most of the time.
I would suggest openly talking to your husband when he's not stressed out or tired. Tell him that you are experiencing an increase in your sex drive, lately due to a natural increase in hormones. Mention that you realise your sex drive and his don't quite match anymore. (He'll correct you if you are wrong.)
Tell him you are going to do something to deal with that, so that the frustration doesn't drive you crazy and lead to clinical depression.
THEN DO NOT SAY ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT. (Unless he asks you what you plan to do. If he asks, say that you are still decideing what to do and are open to suggestions.)
The way I see it , you have several options. Find a way to deal with it...buy a vibrator (invite him to use it on you)....a discreet affair (be very prepared to get caught and to deal with the consequences if you do)....or an even more discreet encounter with a male prostitute, once in awhile....divorce and find someone else as a last resort.
Some would say sex therapist....I'd say if you have a husband that will voluntarily go to one of those go for it...but most men will refuse to go.

Answer 5

Get to his imagination. Do something different. 3000-4000 years ago, the Hebrew slave women used to sneak out of thier slave cabins at night to go down and see their very tired and stressed husbands, who were required to sleep near their hard labor projects along the banks of the River Nile in Egypt. Their husbands were tired, stressed and not felling to good about themselves. It was hard for thier wives to arrouse them. What these ladies did to arrouse thier husbands was to bring little mirrors and show themselves with the mirrors to there husband using the natural starlight and moonlight. They also turned the mirrors around and showed thier husbands themselves...I can't imagine what they were looking at with those mirror but...???.use you imaginations...do something completely different and don't give up. Even though he acts like he doesn't want sex, he really does but you need to snap him back into the present, away from his stresses, worries and ambitions. Persistance Pays! Get him to laugh...to be present....you know how to do the rest....

Answer 6

Get a younger man who could keep up. I thought it was every mans dream who wants a woman that loves sex. Either that counseling, toys. As long as your having sex a couple times a week it shouldn't hurt. My girlfriend is 37 and I am 21 and sex is great. Always try new things works for us. We've been together almost 3 years.

Answer 7

try to figure out what turns him on and do those things. go to a store like Victoria's secret and get some clothes there, perhpas a copy of the Kama Sutra to share with him, and get some good multi-vitamins you can both take because he may just need more nutrition and it may just be he doesn't have the energy.
and watch to make sure he isn't getting sex elsewhere.

Answer 8

This could be a medical problem . possibly lack of testosterone in your husband. I have been married for 7 years and my husband finely got checked. Now he gets shots every week.

Answer 9

(1) I think you should respect his feelings, but at the same time sit down and talk to him and tactfully ask him what seems to be the problem? Figure out what may be his issue(s) or what it is that's bothering him. Not to worry you or nothing, but if both of you don't communicate with one another, it can and will lead to bigger problems in your marriage. When you do talk to him about it be sure not to be in attack mode or interrogation mode, cuz he will become defensive and shut down, and will refuse to answer any questions.

(2) Ask him what his fantasy is and try to make it happen. Try role playing, suggest watching his choice of XXX material, and/or experiment/suggest a visit to your local Hustler shop.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

Maybe you aren't doing what he likes to do...talk about what he likes and incorporate that into your sex life. If he still doesn't want to have sex then tell him you love him and you want to get your needs fulfilled either by him or someone else so step up your game.

Answer 11

Talk with him about it. Let him know how you feel. Also is he in a high stress job? If so that can have an effect on his sex drive. I know from personal expirience about that. I suggest that you both sit down and and talk about it. Because if he loves you he will respect you and will listen to your concerns.