Do I have the right to start over?

Question

I have been married for almost 7 years . I have a little girl (3yrs) . My wife and I we almost do not have sexual life . the relation is based on a provider (me) and a mom for the little girl. we have been detached emotionally for years . I met someone that i truly felt strong for her she knows I am married and she expecting me to divorce my wife which I want to do but. I feel so bad for 2 things what my wife will do after divorce ( she does not work) and what my daughter future will look like. I am divided between what I want to fullfil as a person and my deuty as a father and a provider for my wife. She is always depressed , sleeping, house is so dirty, if i tried to discuss anything wither she got so upset and every discussion will end with her crying . so i stopped trying , I feel so isolated and my life goes on cold . I feel nothing for her now but I feel responsible on her and my daughter. anyone can help please

I asked her for years to seek a professional she did finally and she has a mild depression I helped her to get back on track with her life and urged her to go back to school which she did but as far as being wife she is far from trying. I do believe she think since we have a daughter that I am not going any where. basic things like maintaining the house organized i will not even say clean, she stays all night playing video games , she is not even trying to attract me to her ( shaving her face ) you go figure. gaining weight and not even trying to stop it. I encouraged her to go with me walk or do some activity but she prefers being home. Do I have a right or I am just being a whiner

I do not want every time I pass by a couple to feel like I wasted my life. I look at women while I am walking and wish if I have one that i feel her and she feels me . but my responsability as a father and provider for her kills any feeling or right to do so. I might be wrong about the other woman but I am sure I am right about my feeling for my wife.

Stop being selfish..... Is it selfish to seek happnies. that is the question i always have

Answer 1

If you do leave your wife, don't tell her that you met someone else, just tell her that you are not happy with her, otherwise it is just plain mean. Also be sure that you really are unhappy with your life, and are not just blinded by lust to this other woman.

Answer 2

Have you ever heard of the 7 year itch? Gosh, I think I would be depressed if my husband kept after me to seek mental help and lost weight! Don't you think she has some idea that you have someone else you are interested in? You married her for a reason. Think back to what that reason was, and when the problems began. Could it have been around the time you met the other female? What have you done to get your marriage back on track? Or are you constantly complaining? Depression is an illness, would you leave your wife is she had some disease? Why don't you try taking her somewhere for the weekend, a romantic getaway, a bed and breakfast or whatever. Get someone you trust to watch your little girl. Bring her flowers, send her little cards, or leave little notes telling her you love her and want to get back to the way things used to be. How long has she been depressed? Could it have started after she had your daughter? You feel nothing for her? You felt something for her at least once in your marriage! Obviously you are more involved with the other woman than what you are writing, because a woman that casually knows a man doesn't insist he divorce his wife. And, with the other woman, remember, forbidden love is always great in the beginning. But, if she is smart, she will realize that you cheated on one wife and you could very well cheat on her, too. I think what you are doing is feeling sorry for yourself and trying to make yourself sound like a saint to endure being married to this poor woman so that when you cheat, it won't look and sound so bad. If your wife had cheated on you, if she had gone out and robbed banks or done something horrible, I'd say you should get out of the marriage. But, she hasn't. She has put up with your affair. She has been home waiting for you. If the house is dirty, get up and help her clean it, or do it yourself. There are a lot of people that work all day and make their own meals and clean their own homes. Get help.

Answer 3

look friend, you got a real problem on your hands and it seems that you have a soft heart for facing the truth and that is not always good or convenient especially when there is no other way out but to leave the situation which would mean according to the life you lead that you could perhaps keep custody of your child and try to make a new life with a real person or continue dragging yourself in the unhappiness you live today.

You should begin by looking at yourself in the mirror and think about what do the next ten or five years hold for you in the current situation, how old will your child be and if your wive's behavior does not improve what will that do to you, sure one marry for love and the responsibility of a marriage but when the strings involve include dealing with someone like in your situation you have a right to seek a better way to live the only life you have here on earth because life and youth are not forever and nobody, has the right to make another person miserable. If your wife is not incapacitated or in a wheel chair, why should you bind yourself to a situation that would pull you down the drain?

Clearly now is the time to always make the choice to live a better life because remember, we dont live forever and by the time you know it, life is gone and what a shame to have lived your life in stress and saddness all the time.

Cheer up, you still have life and you are probably in good health and got a long life ahead of you, dont you let nobody step on your life or your plans for your future, ever.

Answer 4

One of the biggest things you can do for your daughter is to be happy. That is not selfish. How can 2 miserable depressed people be good for a little girl? Your wife is suffering from depression and I am sure that your affair doesn't help her emotional health. You think she doesn't know but we always know. She is staying in her depressed state because she is so not ready to hear that she now has to face reality of the situation. Your bond with one another is misery and committment to your family. She now has to do some very hard work of putting the responsibility of her happiness on herself. Your affair is your escape and her dropping out on her life is her escape. So now you two are going to have to face each other and start living real lives. Yeah you will probably feel guilty for awhile and doubt yourself . That is all part of a break up. I would suggest that you get a small apt. for yourself before moving right in with your girl friend/mistress. Have your daughter over often and let her see that you are happy and let her have a place to go that isn't under the dark cloud. It wont be all good at first but it really is the most loving thing you can do at this point for your daughter, your wife and yourself. Love is not possessive . The energy in your house is not love. I would choose Love. It never fails.

Answer 5

It is not selfish to want happiness. I believe everyone deserves that. If what u say is true then it sounds like you have and still are trying to save your marriage, however sometimes there are some things that are not salvable. As far as your daughter goes, the judge will decide what is best for her, there is a chance that you could get full custody. Only a lawyer can advise you on that. If she does absolutly nothing as far as the house and job then it sounds to me like shes just plain lazy. It has also been my experience that where there is no love between mom and dad, the child can detect this. As far as your girlfriend goes I wouldnt rush things on that end. Best to let alone till you decide what to do, however if you are involved with someone else then you are not happy where you are. I would first consult a lawyer and see where I stood in a divorce. I would finalize anything with my wife before moving forward. I would also make that known to the girlfriend. Hard spot to be in but there are alot of people in it. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 6

Of course the woman expects you to leave your wife why Else is she bothering with you. Shame on you, your wife is detached emotionally, she has no job, and no life. Step up to the plate end it with this other woman be a husband 1st and a father. Your wife did not change over night she has been sliding down hill for a while. Sounds like she need a romantic get away and some positive attention from you. Don't be surprised if she is already aware of the other woman and has not said anything for the sake of your child. Start treating your wife like a girlfriend and you will soon see a change.

Answer 7

Personally, I believe that love is something natural in the heart, and you've obviously fell for somebody else, it's life.. things happen y'know? Your daughter, you have the right to get joint custody... and be part of your daughters life from now until the day she dies. Your wife obviously has some issues and she needs to deal with them. Just make sure you are leaving for the one you love.. not like. Your wife obviously needs to get up and do something, get a job, find a hobie, other than sitting and playing video games. Such as gardening, hiking, swimming, skiing, anything active. Most definitely get a job, so she can support herself and her daughter along the road. Just make sure you keep up on the other stuff though, like child support and all that. Love grows in the heart, and I've always been told to follow what feels best.

Answer 8

You are not the first to have a marriage on-the-rocks for whatever reason.
You're out meeting someone and it's not surprising that you "almost do not have a sexual life" with your wife. If you had kept your rocket-in-your-pocket you would have had different feelings now. Your brains and your priorities dropped below your belt.

Keep in mind, that all during this time, your
wife is also feeling the stress and strain of this relationship. Now your like (wo is me), what should I do? This is not going to be easy but you both need counseling as soon as you can schedule it.

It's obvious that your 3 yr old daughter wasn't you top priority but don't worry, most kids are pretty resilient.

Answer 9

You have every right to move on. As for your little girl...my parents divorced when i was young to...If you and your wife split and that makes you happy, its better to have 2 happy homes than one sad one. Tell your wife you will help her (and mean it) until she can get on her feet. Don't fight over your daughter if it happens. I don't care how old your daughter is she can tell something is not right between you guys and it is affecting her to. You should do something before it gets to far. You have every right to start over but DO NOT start this thing with the other woman until it is over you could risk loosing your daughter completely and that would be stupid. You are human you lost feelings for your wife and she obviously for you...Let her be happy and you try to find happiness to....but if it happens take some time before you and this other woman get serious...it WILL shock your little girl if there is a new woman directly back in her life. And dont just drop your wife cold handed. Be there for her not just finaincally but emotionally just for your daughters sake...But always always keep your daughter close she will have to face this one day...your not selfish EVERYONE deserves to be HAPPY

Answer 10

At some point you do have to take what you want into consideration, but the child should come first. If your wife is as bad as you say you may not want to just walk out right now. It sounds like your daughter needs at least one stable person in the house and if your wife is that depressed how do you know that she will be cared for when you leave? or consider filling for custody of your daughter until your wife can pull it together and get the help it sounds like she needs.

Answer 11

Do promises mean anything these days? She may sense you are emotionally attracted to someone else and if that is the case you can't give to her fully if you are elsewhere. Please get some Christian Counseling for you and your wife. You two promised to love each other in all times. You have a child to think about. Quit being so selfish. The bottom line is you want this other woman and this other woman is being very inconsiderate of your wife and daughter. Please put your wife and daughter first. Stay away from the homewrecker.