Can my marriage be fixed?

Question

For 3 yrs Ive put my wife through alot. Porn alot, looked at adult friend finder, begged for sex even though I got it alot, told her I didnt know if I wanted to be married, & didnt go around her family much. Then I found her in an internet relationship with another man. We made promises that we'd try to fix things but I fell back into my old ways. A little time went by & I came home from work one day to find that she had moved in with her internet guy. She told me that we could never be together again to move on. My birthday was shortly after that so me & some friends from work went out to some bars and a strip club. I looked through the adult friend finder again. But I never talked to anyone either times. I also called her friend for sex but called back apologizing. About a week went by & she finaly talked to me again. I told her I could change & that I wanted her back. now back she still doesent trust me. I do love her more than anything & will do anything to keep us together.

Answer 1

Regardless of whether or not you two get back together, this woman will never trust you again. Let her go.

Answer 2

First of all, your wife has lost all respect and trust for you because what you have done to her. But, it does take two to tangle! I don't know if she was giving you enough attention, love etc...or visa versa. So I don't know the whole case here. Only from what you have posted. You have caused a lot of hurt on your wife and when there were problems in your marriage it didn't get fixed, it was a continuous thing and it seems like it got worse for the two of you.

She did the Internet relationship with another man because you were not there for her. So she gave her attention to him when it should have been you.

Not sure if this can work. She has already decided to move on with her life. You haven't. You told her you can change, but have you really changed? Saying and doing are two different things. Until you seek counseling for your habits and show that you are making improvements and show her that you are making an effort to change, then I think she will start to trust you again. This will take some time on your part. But until you do those things, she will respond back. She might need counseling herself too.

Two good books that you two can read are called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Two great books!

Hope this helps.

Answer 3

I ended up in an internet relationship with someone I had fallen so deeply in love with that now, 2 years later, I am still aching from it. I think the best way to salvage this is to get rid of the internet for awhile and concentrate on each other. Fortunately I told my husband about my situation and he was understanding but now I have a secret drug problem because I am trying to numb the pain of the loss. I still don't know if my husband trusts me, as he probably shouldn't. Once trust is broken, it is really hard to repair. It can be done, but she has to put as much effort into it as you have. Good luck.

Answer 4

Trust is a big factor in a relationship. You know it is hard trusting and believing in a person once you step outside your vows, but Love is a powerful thing. It takes two people to make it, which mean accept the past and move on. Never allow the past 2 hold you back from moving ahead and having happiness. We all make mistakes, only make sure it will not happen again. As long as you don't allow the past to hinder your present and future: you can make it. You two have to work 2-gether. It's scarifies you both have to be willing to make. Not to past judgment on one another: to be able be strong and know what happen and let it go. It will be hard, but if it's what you 2 want then go for it!

Answer 5

The greatest problem in love lost and love restored is the problem of putting things back together again. Both parties will undergo the feelings of suspicions and continued struggles with the idea of should I or shouldn't I trust again.
Understand that our automated brain is working hard on memories both consciously and subconsciously, and repetitive actions such as betrayal and infidelity couldn't just be forgotten over a period of time no matter how hard you tried.
Though forgiveness and acceptance of each other's mistakes played an important role in your reconciliation,, there's no guarrantee that it's gonna work throughout your relationship unless both of you resolved to trust each other and start all over again.

Answer 6

yes, your marriage is absolutely fixable, but, you wont be able to do it on your own because you don't know how. You will both need to go to a marriage counselor. You both must be willing to make changes. You will both need some boundaries set and some accountability. A good counselor will be able to help you with all that. Get some help right away. Problems don't go away on their own. My hats off to you for hanging in there. Trust levels will have to be built back up and will take some time so don't think you can both just start trusting over nite. Love is free but trust has to be earned. Hope this helps. :)

Answer 7

Its no wonder she doesnt trust you. After all what you put her thru and forced her to do and all the false promises and then suddenly in just one night you became a changed man and suddenly expect her to take you back just like that, like nothing happened? Come on, what the hell are you thinking? No one has ever done a complete change over in one night or one month for that matter. Change takes time and in your case to actually change from what you were to someone who she could actually believe in is going to take alot of time. Words are really cheap and yours are probably the cheapest as far as she is concerned. Its going to take alot of actions to prove to her that you cahnged. Forget the crap about I could, what the hell is I could change? That right there would scare the hell out of me if my spouse told me that. That is so unbelievable. Of course you want her back but what are you really doing about it, besides saying stupid things like I could. I could if I really wanted to, but. If you really want her back so bad, then youd better get going and work yourself back to her. Show her that your a man of action and not just words, keep your promises, show her your words hold truth, show you just how much she means to you, how much you love her by turning your life around, earning her respect and becoming someone she would be proud to be with. You can do it, it wont be easy but nothing in life that is worth anything isnt. Or you can chalk all of this to a lie and quit on her and yourself and be a nobody the rest of your life, and God knows the world has more than enough nobodies in it and we definitely dont need anymore. Just do it! Good luck Also I apologize for being so rough with my answer but Im sick and tired of seeing all these candy a.sed guys on here whine about their relationships and none have the slightest idea on how to save it but sure as hell can destroy the "best thing intheir lives".

Answer 8

Well first of all,you tried working it out,and once you fell back into your old ways,she found someone else. Neither of you can fix this,because she has moved on,and doesn't trust you. You love her,but you must likely need counseling before you can move on. Don't expect her to forgive you right away. Both of you should move on,she's left you for another man,though you're trying to patch your ways.

Answer 9

Number one, don't be calling yourself a loser. Nobody is a loser despite the things that they do wrong. You have issues, everyone does, some worse that others. You realize you have problems and you are wanting to fix them. You have problems that are very difficult to overcome. Pornography and those sorts of things are terrible things to be addicted to.

Your wife left you looking for something better, but it does not make it okay. She was cheating on you regardless and that is pretty crummy of her, it's inexcusable for anyone to cheat on their spouses. If it's that bad people need to use their heads and walk out.

My suggestion to you, go to a counselor. Stop calling and asking for sex. That's not good and it's aggressive and not to be rude, but it makes you sound like a real jerk, so don't do that.

Go to counselor listen to the counselor do what is said and if it's meant to be your wife will come back to you. If she does not then you are preparing yourself for another wonderful lady. Don't change because of your wife, do it for you and you only. If you change for someone else it will never work. You will end up going back to your old ways.

Clean your act up. Don't fight too hard to get your wife back. Like I said if she comes she comes if not, then keep your life clean and another wonderful soul will come a long.

Good luck, I hope this helps. :)

Answer 10

Both of you have violated the boundaries of your marriage so you both are responsible for it`s state. You both need to be transparent to each other and accept that neither of you is trustworthy. Over a long period of ensuring that you are an open book you will forget the reason for being needful of another secret life. Second marriage therapy may provide some insights.

Answer 11

I'nm sorry but if I were your wife I woudln't take you back. It sounds like you may have a sex addiction. Many men do lose their marriages over it. There are lots of therapists who specialize in that because in this day and age porn and sex is very accessible and it feeds your addiction. I think that you need help, and you need to let your wife go. She needs to heal as well. It sounds like youve hurt her beyond what she is able to take.