How do you heal after an abusive relationship. Other the counseling?

Question

I was resantly in a very abusive controling relationship. I finally got out ( with my life) thank God. I am having trouble sleeping and most importent I feel like my life as far as relatioships go is over. This is not the only abuse I have had in my life. I know I need to fix what ever it is about me that attracts these kind of people. I don't want to be alone forever but I cant seem to get past this. I really want to move on. Help.

Answer 1

Hi there. Kudos to you for whatever reason/event that helped you to move on. As a kid, I watched my father as he held a gun to my mother's head and threatened her to never leave him -traumatizing to both of us as you can imagine. Yet, at one point, she pushed off one of his idle threats (thankfully) and told him that she'd be better of dead than to continue this way. A bold, and frightening move.

Please know this: you can and will only attract people that you think you deserve. It starts with your self-esteem and confidence, which unfortunately is shattered after a relationship like this. A master manipulator will have surely torn you down in an effort to reflect better on himself. So, you need repair first and foremost.

After a relationship in college in which I was, to a lesser but still pathetic degree, playing the part of the father I hated, I visited my ex's sister and she said something profound that moves me to this day. 'It takes two whole people to create a whole relationship. Two half people will at best create half a relationship.'

So, I pass these words on to you. When you can stand on your own two feet, forget about any biological clock, you will be healthy enough and to your amazement, you will attract a healthy, rewarding relationship. My wife and I just celebrated 11 years of a strong, healthy marriage and are expecting our 5th child. You never would have guessed that to know my sorry a** 15 years ago. ;)

Best wishes to you

Answer 2

Coming from an abusive relationship myself, I suggest that the best thing for your situation is time. I understand that it is not the best solution because you feel alone, but with a little bit of patience and time, you will understand much more. In the meantime while you are waiting to overcome your fears, concentrate on you. You have a long ways to go to rebuild your self-esteem and confidence. Perhaps you can find a church in your area that you feel comfortable going too. There are also several group chats and forums online for those who have been in your same situation. Believe it or not, there are some really good people out there that do not wish you any harm. It just takes time to find that kind of person. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

I'm glad you understand most of the problem. I was alone most of my life, saw friends married off. My mother wanted me to settle
down and said something that came back to haunt me.
If you get the wrong b**** you'll be begging to be single again. I'm a male and it was very abusive for me, mentally. No kids thank God. 3 years. Short but anything but sweet. I thought I loved the person but as one told me after you rushed into it because you saw the years going by and feared this would be your only chance. I had every dirty trick and lie played on me. Dirty abusive name calling. This is the reverse of what a woman goes through. This sick person did everything under the son to
provoke me to hit. I saw the sick game. After 11 or 12 break ups
before and during the marriage I called it quits. My mother's prophesy was so true. I was begging to be single. I didn/t take it out on all women but I just wanted out of this mess without worrying about loneliness or anything else. I was out of that mess
and free again. Loneliness got me a short fling that lasted 3 weeks. You have to watch that loneliness trap. You can leap right into the fire. A year and a half a friend who broke off with her boyfriend and I got together. Completely unplanned. Happiness is like trying to catch a butterfly. It alludes you. You give up , settle down and the butterfly lands on your shoulders.
We've been married 10 years now, went together for two.
We have our difference sometimes. Nothing serious but manageable when two people work at it together. Be happy whatever station in life. Don/t rush things. Turn it over to God. Be
at peace with yourself and God Bless.

Answer 4

Well, I've never been in your shoes but I know the reason for repeatingly meeting harmful people. As someone always reminds me, there are alot of bad people out there. However, if you really want to change your present state, you must change your destiny. If you continuously live not seeing this, you will face even more troubles.

Then why are people unhappy?
It says in Rom 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

1. B/c people are seperated from God
How? due to our disobediance people became ignorant of God
And as a result, fell into a state of sin(Rom 3:10)

2. They fell into all kinds of suffering
mental (Mt. 11:28)
worthless, unbalanced lives (Mt. 12:25)
physical illness (Acts 8:7-8)
the main cause- spiritual problems

3. To find a solution, they turn to superstitions and religions.

All of this unhappiness began with Adam and Eve when they disobeyed God's word, which is called original sin and resulted in suffering and curses
For how long?
1. Even now (Eph 2:1-2)
2. Continually increasing (Mt. 11:28-29)
3. The more we try to solve it, the worse it gets (Mt. 12:43-45)

When you read this, I hope that you will slowly understand the root of your problem(s) and open your mind to the most basic, yet vaguely-known message from God to mankind. However, this is not the end of my answer and only the beginning if you are willing.
In Jesus Christ,
hannaremnant

Answer 5

Congratulations on getting out. That is the first step. Now you need to sit down with yourself, and look at all the good things about yourself. I am sure your self esteem is not very good right now. Let me tell you this, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. I am sure they told you after they hit you, that it was your fault. You made them do it, BS, not true. You are a good person. You are a worthy person, and you are a person who deserves happiness.
You don't need to have someone in your life to live. You don't have to have a relationship with the first person who comes by you. Try being by yourself for a while. That may help you choose a better partner in love. Also, go and seek counseling. It helps to have someone listen to you rant and rave and cry. And remember, you do not deserve to be treated like s*#@. You deserve someone who loves you for who you are. Try loving yourself for a while. Hope that helps.

Answer 6

First, recognize the part you played. Did you do things to intentionally antagonize this person? If so, then you have to take responsibility for the part you played. I'm not saying you did. Next, you have to realize that there are some sick twisted people in this world. But there are also some very sweet, kind and caring people too. Take your time, and deal with any emotional baggage you might have as a result of this relationship. Learn to respect yourself, and expect other to show you that same respect. You will find someone worthy of you one day. Just don't rush it.

Answer 7

Sorry about your relationship before if i was you what i would do is i would take it slow whenever you feel ready but the next guy i bet will be a whole lot better i can't garrentee that but i wish you the best of luck

Answer 8

My dear my advice to you is to find JESUS who is able to deliver. accept JESUS and find a church that is filled with GODS power go there recieve deliverance from hurt rejection and abuse and u will find that u wont be magnet to those type of people.

Answer 9

surround yourself with good friends and family that love you.

get out of the house and make yourself come first. do what makes YOU happy. you don't need any of those asshole men!

Answer 10

repress, it worked for me. so what if its unhealthy