First off i am 23 yr old college grad with a decent job in a committed relationship. The father has asked to marry me several times several mos before i was preg but i refused and i still refuse. my parents, aunts, and sisters divorce showed me the ugly side of marriage and i am going to wait a very long time before i jump off that bridge.
why do i feel like im 15 when it comes to telling my mom and sister? my whole family told me on my grad day from college not to get preg and less than a month later i am. i've never really invested much thought into what they said cuz theyve made some mistakes themselves and i am an adult but i cant bring my self to tell them? i dont want to hear my moms mouth about me not being married (she is an devout christian) and i dont want to hear my sisters mouth about me wasting my education by not starting my career. i just dont think i deserve to be dumped all over considering im battling this morning (noon and night) sickness and fatigue.
2007-01-17 11:35:09 · 36 answers · asked by jean grey 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
not really expecting or looking for approval, but i am eager to ask the women in my immeadiate family who have had kids what i should expect, health questions etc.....but i really dont want to hear the "im so dissappointed in you" speech. it will just make me angry. i want to be able to enjoy this with people especially of all people my mom and sister.
2007-01-17 11:48:46 · update #1
Honey, you are 23 years old.
Tell you mom. I sure it's not her first choice, but she loves you, and she will love your child
Life happens. Take happy when it comes.
Good Luck
Take care
2007-01-17 11:43:58 · answer #1 · answered by Halo Mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is what I would do. I would think about your future and have an answer to everything they could possibly ask, so that you have a plan and you are taking charge of your life. If you have answers to your future and how you are going to handle it all, they may not be as hard on you. Who says you will have to quit your education and start your career? Lots of women do it.
I assume the father is going to play a significant role in the baby’s life as if you are married. And I would tell them as soon as you are past 12 weeks. Get it over with so you can enjoy your pregnancy. It is also not good for baby if you are constantly stressing about this.
I have to wonder though, did you get pregnant on purpose?
Just because other peoples marriages didnt work out doesnt mean that yours won’t. I think you are having these thoughts because you really dont think this guy is the right one. It is a shame for the baby if that is true, because then baby will have to grow up in a broken family. I hope I am wrong.
Best of luck to you.
2007-01-17 11:50:39 · answer #2 · answered by faith 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's times in your life when you have to put sit back and say i don't care what people say!I can understand the having a hard time telling your mom but you are a adult and she might just surprise you.My feeling is at least you are in a relationship a committed one at that so that should give you some leeway with your mom.The marriage issue is always a tough one and you should not get married just because you are pregnant so many people make that mistake I think get married if that's what u want.It is not the 40s anymore tons of people are starting families and not getting married.You don't want to get married just because of the baby you may end up in a situation you don't want to be in.Ease mom into the conversation at first she might freak out out but probably in the end she will be thrilled she is going to be a grandmother it might take awhile.
2007-01-17 11:50:47 · answer #3 · answered by Debra T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then tell them you're pregnant and also tell them, "Look, I'm an adult and it's my life, my choice. I don't want to hear any of your opinions unless I ask for them. If you want to be a part of mine and the baby's life then that's wonderful but if all you're going to do is stress me out when I don't need any more added to me right now, then I'm not going to be around you at all."
I had to say basically the same thing when I got pregnant the 3rd time. I was already divorced with two kids and people felt they how to tell me what a mistake it was. I didn't fell it was a mistake then or now. I love all three of my children and I'm grateful I have them.
Good luck and hopefully they'll respect your wishes.
2007-01-17 12:30:56 · answer #4 · answered by sassydontpm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The longer you wait, the harder it will be. Being as your mom is a devout christian, she probably will give you an ear full but explain to her that you and the hubby have decided to wait for marriage and these days there are tons of couples that have babies out of wedlock. I still hear it from my grandmother about me not being married and pregnant with my second child so I don't think that will go away too much. As for your sister, tell her that you have an education and your not wasting it by becoming a mom....moms can still work and get jobs. Hope that helps and congrats.
2007-01-17 11:42:03 · answer #5 · answered by jule9104 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well if you're 23 and a colledge graduate, then you really shouldnt worry about it as much. You're right, your not 15 and in high school, So your in a pretty good position. Im sure your parents will understand. I mean why wouldnt they. You can support your self and the father of the child seems really supportive. Besides once the baby is born your familiy will be thrilled and forget all they said. You should wait as long as you want to for marriage, it seems like a smart idea. I mean its not like you NEED to get married.
2007-01-17 11:49:35 · answer #6 · answered by sp1090 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off your a adult.. your 23.. not 13! you are old enuff to make your own choices now in life!! try being 19 spilt from boyfriend being in a trade with hardly no money to it is a problem!!! amd i got threw it... yea they were slightly dazed by it all at first.. my dad stared at a blank tele screen for 2 hours solid!! But now there over the shock and there so excited for there new grandson... and am sure once you tell them the sooner the better.. the sooner they will come around to it.. and be more excited then you are... and 2ndd your ina committed relationship with a decent job.. what more could a baby want then there love off mammy nd daddy x
2007-01-17 11:44:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also thought I shouldn't get married because my parents marriage ended in divorce. Lots of marriages end in divorce. But your marriage can be different and doesn't have to end in divorce. Divorce is not genetic!
If you love him marry him. If you want to have a wedding then have a wedding. If you want to have your baby and never get married then do that. It's up to you.
Now that your are pregnant YOU are the mommy you are in charge: the one who gets to put her foot down, the one that decides what's best for you and your own family. Your boyfriend, your unborn baby and you are now a family, my dear.
I'm college educated and a stay at home mom. My education was not wasted. I have the tools I need to work outside my home whenever I want, and I'll make damn good money when/if I decide to work.
If you are sick of being dumped on then do not allow it. They have no say over what you do with your uterus.
If you want to tell everyone you are pregnant than you and your boyfriend need to be a united front. Anything your mom or sister want to say to you they can say in front of him. If he needs to step in and shield you from their interference, then ask him to do it.
2007-01-17 11:55:41 · answer #8 · answered by wwhrd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is better to tell them now and get those little mouth then wait until they find out themself and have a bigger mouth. Tell them exactly what you said, that you have seen the ugly side of marriage and want to just be together with the baby dad and not be married. As for your sister, tell her people do make it out there while being parents. This is really your decision to make as far as having your baby, no one can tell you how to live you life. and just keep this in mind, everyone is entitle to their own opinion, people will always talk.... good luck
2007-01-17 11:42:43 · answer #9 · answered by molly_tony 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Isnt it funny, we are always our mums little girl! I am married and when we found out we were having a baby the first question I asked my husband was how are we gonna tell my mum? I was really freaked out by that and my sisters reaction, and i was right, mums reaction wasnt marvellous, but after about a week when they realised 'hang on a baby!' they all got excited, and are now our biggest supporters. Dont get married till you are ready, thats why a lot of marriages dont work, one partners not sure. Wait till you are, no matter how much pressure is on you. Congratulations. Hope all that made sense
2007-01-17 11:43:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you hold off, you'll hear about it a lot more. Just grit your teeth and tell them. You're right, though. You're an adult and you can make your own decisions.
Is your boyfriend a jerk or something? If he's good enough to sleep with, and you love each other, why NOT get married. Just because other people in your family have had bad experiences doesn't mean you will. This guy IS going to be part of your life now from here on out whether you like it or not. If he's a good man, don't worry about other people and their mouths and opinions.
Your life, right?
2007-01-17 11:43:57 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋