I've been with my partner for a year. We didnt rush into sex, in fact our first kiss was a month into our relationship! I appear to have a higher sex drive than my partner (I'm female, my partner is male). I have had to beg him to make love to me and he has refused many times. Even when he has promised me, he avoids me (goes to bed early). Making love, feels detatched - he wont look me in my eyes; he won't kiss me; touch my breasts or caress my body. Its like he doesnt believe in foreplay. He forces himself into me when I'm dry - like he wants to get it 'over and done with'. He has problems with premature ejaculation - could this be a conflicting problem? I believe that I'm an attractive woman (physically and mentally) so why does he treat me like this? He make me feel dirty and used. I've been diplomatic, kind and understanding but nothing seems to change. Sex has always been like this!!! I've become so frustrated sometimes that I've cried because I feel so rejected!?!?
2007-01-17 11:02:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Definitively I think this is NOT a normal sexual relationship.
I'm a male and I think that the sex is an act that everybody have to enjoy. In my case, I always try to do her feels the best when we make love, because is "LOVE" what one wishes to transmit.
Beg for sex is not the best way to be in a relationship, this kind of matter have to be natural, by feelings and desires, and is totally normal and natural that you desire to have sex with your partner.
I think that your partner has a problem, and this problem in a serious relationship it's a BIG problem (in the long term). Is not normal that He can't have any desire to make you feel good during the sex, and it seems as he do this by an obligation and without fulfill your desire.
If you really love him and want to solve this "Issue", I think that you and your partner must go to a sexual therapist. You have to tell him all your feelings about the sex and be serious. Don't be diplomatic or kind because you are going to feel more frustrated (Is not good continue a relation as this, it could become in something worse), treat this problem directly and with all the sincerity possible. I hope that you can solve this problem in good terms ;)
2007-01-17 12:01:51 · answer #1 · answered by macano_usb 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My husband has this problem that developed after about 20 years, found out he has ED, erectile dysfunction. However, he takes medication for his blood pressure and that could be causing the problem, but I've felt so rejected, that I'm having a hard time to become intimate again, out of fear. Not that I have an answer, but your not alone. I was just looking up information to help me. But this is what I found and how I feel. Don't let it go this far, seek help. So Sorry!
When both partners have low sexual desire, the issue of sexual interest level will not be problematic in the relationship. Low sexual desire, however, may be a barometer of the emotional health of the relationship. In other cases where there is an excellent and loving relationship, low sexual desire may cause a partner to repeatedly feel hurt and rejected, leading to eventual feelings of resentment and promoting eventual emotional distance.
2007-01-17 11:14:36 · answer #2 · answered by flower 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Most men won't ask for directions, let alone ask about sexual dysfunction freely, I don't care what the commercials on TV portray! If he has problems with premature ejaculation, it could be a medical (diabetes, hypertension to name a few) or a psychological issue. My guy confessed to be that if he gets mentally "distracted" he has difficulty staying erect (if he's worried about work, etc) and gets in a rush mode because he's worried he won't last through foreplay, let alone the main event. You need to keep in mind that this is his problem, not yours. If you've been with him this length of time and have tried talking to him about it and he still refuses to discuss it or consult his doctor, you might want to think about moving on to a healthier relationship. If you can't be open with the person you're being intimate with....it's going to be a LONG, lonely life. Know your own worth and know you deserve better.
2007-01-17 11:26:30 · answer #3 · answered by Zen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's tough. Has he ever enjoyed sex with you? I think you really need to talk to him. Physical contact is important to a relationship. Maybe, if he is willing, you could try spicing up the bedroom, get some toys or coostumes. Something you both are interested in trying. Don't feel dirty, hun, if he isn't interested it's not your fault.
One worry I have is that he might be cheating, but I really don't know anything about the situtation so I can't really say. But your need remains, and it is an understandable one. If you can't work it out through talking and experimenting then I don't think you should put yourself through a relationship that is so detrimental to your emotional health. I hope this helps.
2007-01-17 11:13:48 · answer #4 · answered by yay_boxes 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What a mis-match you are in.
I don't understand how you can be so dependent on this guy that you stay with him. You each should look for someone more compatible with you. It looks like he is looking for a certain object or symbol to turn him on and not a real person. I can relate to him. He might not be able to change. How much more are you going to invest in this relationship?
If he makes you feel dirty and used and you don't like it then this just isn't working.
It is good to care about others but you have to put your dignity and feelings first otherwise you are asking to be used and treated like dirt.
2007-01-17 11:30:35 · answer #5 · answered by Russell W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like he has a complex with himself, maybe hes so insecure about himself (maybe small penis or thinks he overweight and hairy)that by being romantic he knows it will lead to other things. You need to communicate to him your needs and desires and that you are happy with the way he looks and if the problem doesnt get corrected than you need to tell him you feel this is destroying the relationship. In love there is give and take and you should be satisfying each other.
2007-01-17 11:14:35 · answer #6 · answered by Arizona is Hot 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DUMP HIM FAST NOW NOW NOW!!!! Please don't live like this, no it doesn't get better. I spent 3 years of my life with someone like this. We tried therapy and I'm a psych student. Nothing will work and you know what...it's not YOUR problem. Date complete people with no mental/social/emotional/sexual etc. problems. It's one thing to try and make it work, it's another thing to beat a dead horse. I pray you have the strength to leave before he further harms you emotionally and of course your self esteem.
2007-01-17 11:43:22 · answer #7 · answered by Kitty 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-31 09:43:19 · answer #8 · answered by alyson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course this isn't normal...why would you even ask that? If you really like him, take him for sex therapy.
2007-01-17 11:13:21 · answer #9 · answered by Raven 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Trust me on this. This guy either has no libido or he's a homosexual. Drop him fast before you waste any more time with him. He's going to play hell on your self-confidence. Drop! drop!
2007-01-17 11:08:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋