Is my husband BI?

Question

My husband wants a threesome but only with another man involved. He has engaged in this before. he never expresses beauty in other women (or men) all his fantasys involves another man. he told me he fanatisized about my ex, whom he never met. When I told him how discusted I was, he has never mentioned it again. We rarely have sex. Maybe once every 3 months. He does show acts of love in other ways, but not sexual.

Answer 1

Hey,

First ignore most of these answers... remember they don't know you or your husband.

The way you phrased the question points to him being closet homosexual... If you'd asked 'My husband shows me affection, but wants a threesome with another guy, is he bi?' You'd have got a different answer.

I'm just saying don't panic because people are actually saying he's gay. They really don't know.

First, loads of men are a bit bi. I am bisexual, I would say 40-50% of my friends are. Some more so than others, but guys DO like the way other guys look and they DO have some sexual feelings towards them.

Don't panic about this. Personally, I think it's one of the worlds best kept secrets.

If you want some proof you should have a look at mens porn (or maybe you don't want the proof that much!) It very very often involves more than one guy, or has close ups of male privates.

So what I'm saying is that you husband probably is a bit bi, but that's really nothing out of the ordinary and nothing to worry about.

Something that is really positive is that he only wants to have a threesome with you there... that shows that you are important to him.

It is entirely up to you as a couple how often you have sex. It really is your choice. It doesn't matter how often you sex.

Another possiblity is that he feels a bit inadequate sexually and his fantasies involve you being pleasured by a 'better' man than him... when I don't feel very attractive, I sometimes fantasise about another man having sex with a beautiful women, rather than having a fantasy with me in it.

So basically, don't panic, he's bi not gay (unless you have good evidence to the contrary). Loads of men are bi. I mean loads and loads.

He clearly loves you, which is very important... and his fantasies involve you being pleasure... even though it's in a way that you don't want.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

How does he fantasize about these threesomes? Is he having sex with the other guy or are you being taken on by the two men in the threesome? That could be the difference with him being gay/bi or just having a fantasy. But, as other have mentioned, why don't you just ask him?

Answer 3

I suspect he's probably gay. A lot of guys deny their gay sexual identity. After all, it isn't easy to be gay with all the abuse and gay bashing that one has to take. From what you say though, I think he probably loves you. The two of you need to have some very honest and open communication about this. Don't hold anything back. Tell him of your concern about rarely having sex. Honest, open communication is the key to this. If he is gay, then he is gay, and nothing will change that. But whether he is or not, the two of you need to discuss this and decide where to go from here in the loving relationship that exists between you. I wish you both well.

Answer 4

He sounds more toward the gay end than bi since he's so uninterested in women including you (physically). You telling him you are disgusted is a homophobic experience for him, which makes him feel awful and confused and guilty I'm sure. Angry and confused you do have a right to, although open dialogue would help both of you a lot.

Answer 5

He's possibly curious about something he'll never actually act out.

So many men fantasize about gay sex, look at gay porn a lot and are turned on by gay thoughts but would never have an interest in the lifestyle. Meaning, they have an exotic taste for sex...the 'deviance' of it turns them on but would never be interested in a man romantically or fall in love/get married to a man etc.

Or I could be grabbing at straws and he truly is bisexual, if not full-fledged gay and reluctant to embrace it. ;)

Answer 6

If he is stil in th ebedrooom with you and enjoying the relationship you two have then there may well be nothign to worry about. Many men and women who are in relationships have fantasies fr thoughts they want to express and discuss without ever acting on them. Of course if you find him in th ebedroom with somene else then you can get upset - but that doesn't matter what the gender of the person is does it...

Answer 7

Yes he is BI but sounds more like he is getting homo more and more by the day. This happened to my brother in law - he was married but now after 7 years marraige he is now divorced and living as a gay man - he too used to fantasise about other men.

SORRY :(

Answer 8

Hmm well from what you said there it does sound like it. If he wanted a 3-sum with another guy would there only be contact between you and the other guy...or would your husband do things to him too? I think that would determine alot more. Did you know he felt like this before you married him? You should try talking to him and ask him straight out. I personally couldnt date anyone who is bi...there is nothing wrong with it..but its one thing i gotta watch out for the women...but men too??? Too much for me..well good luck.

Answer 9

He might be bi... he might be more toward the complete gay end. But in any case, he loves you enough, and trusts in you enough that he can reveal these things to you. You must be a really good person. :-)

From here you just need to open-up the conversation with him and see where he is coming from and see where you both need to go from here as a couple.

Answer 10

Sounds like a gay guy to me!

Never really wants sex, shows acts of love in other ways but not sexual and wants sex with another man and you.
Sorry but I vote gay 100% gay hiding behind another guy to turn him on with his wife.

I want to know how you did not see this from the begining before marriage? Whats up with you to marry a gay guy.